DH called DD annoying and it’s made me feel really sad

Why does MN think everyone who isnt falling over themselves in utter admiration, is jealous? How likely is it for a dad to be jealous of his dd, rather than irritated by endless pattling pointless videos?
Your dd's behaviour might be cute if she waa 4, but she is virtually an adult and acting like a kid! It does seem self absorbed and lacking social awareness? Is she like this normally?

‘stopped the story to show us a pigeon’ - I would have lost patience at this point.
Seriously, she sounds delightful but exhausting.

He’s jealous! Your DD sounds lovely and very engaging. I suspect that’s how he saw himself before he became “eclipsed”.
My DD is similar, and is waiting for an ADHD assessment. Yes, her sending 25 photos of stuff she is looking at in shops can be frustrating - but only if you choose to let these distract you from what you are doing when you receive them.
And yes, “negging” someone is terribly unattractive - “D”H needs to start acting like an adult!

How are things now, @GugiGi ?

You keep describing her as ‘vibrant’ as though this is a brilliant personal characteristic.
To me she sounds performative and attention seeking, not caring from whom as long as she is getting it.
You’ve had enough responses, surely, to see that your husband is not being unreasonable, they are just different, and compromises from both parties would be required to improve their relationship.
You sound determined to put your husband in the wrong, though.

I'm like that. It can be HELLA annoying, and I know it. I can't always help it and people who love me sometimes get, well, annoyed - I understand. I'd rather people felt they could be honest (or I can't believe the nice things they say either). HOWEVER, people who REALLY love me get that they can't have the amazing bits of me without the sometimes annoying bits. And they say the amazing bits are worth it. There are upsides, and they are pretty awesome. I can't just stop being me.

When someone knows you accept your own flaws and try hard to minimise the impact on folk because you love them, the flaws don't disappear, but they become more like endearing quirks, I think. (I have ADHD, and when I haven't had people around who accept both sides of me, it can be a very dark place to be. Being wholly accepted by family is transformative)

Yeah my mum’s probably autistic, and a perfectionist, and I’m ADHD and struggle with task completion and executive function. She’s called me lazy my whole life and can’t see another perspective….

Yeah actually fucked up , I can’t believe some of the posts I’m reading here .

I think the comments you are getting are very harsh. Yes, parents are human and there are times are kids drive us up the wall, but it sounds like this is more than an occasional thing. Your DD sounds lovely and I think it's great that she's so comfortable around you.
Both your DD and DH sound like they could be neurodivergent. In your DH's defence, my DD is full of energy and constantly has to be moving and I find it really stressful and difficult to relax when she is around. I can't even explain why it is, but I just find all the movement really overwhelming, especially first thing in the morning or late evening.

someone who performs for the male gaze. not just a random drama queen.

its literally from the scene "pick me, choose me, love me"

you are being nasty and wrong

A Pick Me Girl, also known as "Pick Me" is a term used on the Internet to describe a woman who seeks male approval by regularly belittling other women. In order to increase their perceived value in the dating or social scene, they often depreciate other women. This can be done either to a specific woman or as a group, to seem better in comparison. Their behavior generally suggests that they perceive themselves as, and wish to be different and or better than other women

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickme_girl

I think she sounds like an absolute delight, and if she changed in order to avoid irritating your DH, the whole vibe of the household would shift and you’d miss her high energy.

Tell your DH it’s fine to be irritated, but unless he wants to squash her confidence and high spirits, he needs to do a much better job of hiding it. And he certainly needs to stop putting her down and discouraging her curiosity for life.

No, she doesn't.

The large number of unpleasant posters positively revelling in putting the boot into a 16-year old girl whose father treats her like shit is concerning.

I don’t think she does fit the description.

She’s obviously just being herself, rather than performing someone whom she is not, with one eye to the audience reaction.

A pick me girl is someone who constantly performs. The OP’s daughter fits the definition.

Sorry.. loves her not lives her!

I have an adult dd exactly the same as your dd. Up in the gym at 6, very vivacious, high energy but also very entertaining!

She has some very annoying habits such as leaving everything everywhere, putting empty packets of food back in the fridge.. to name just a couple. But dh (her stepdad) accepts and lives her as she has so many lively things about her too. I think as a pp said, it’s fine to be irritated by her (as I am), as long as your dh is kind to her.

He’d also dim and full of himself. I’m sure OP’s DD is nothing like.

As one of the ex SAS guys on Who Dares Wins said: “

”Shurrup, listen and do as you’re told. You’re not in Made in Kensington now”. 😆

Sam Thompson has ADHD

For what its worth, both you and your daughter sound absolutely lovely.

Thanks for update @GugiGi. Glad dh knows that he could try harder with dd

sad though that DS has seen how dh treats his sister and said he doesn’t love her

But not at your husband's age!

What do you want to do about him?

Your daughter sounds brilliant. I hope her Dad hasn’t dented her self confidence.

I had visions of Paul Whitehouse’s “brilliant kid” from The Fast Shiw