"What shall I get them for Christmas?"

My Parents give money, MIL likes to give gifts. Both dc said there was not anything they needed but she insists. So I had to come up with gifts for dc25, and dc20 found a t shirt that was £10 above budget but said they'd pay the difference (I did though). It's hard enough thinking of gifts from us never mind someone else. They both would have preferred the money and getting something in the sales or saving towards something 'computer related'.

Yeah I'm with OP. It's my mother that's the problem and she knows my children very well. She loves to be the person coming in with a sack each for the kids and wants not just things they will like, but it's competitive. She wants the best presents. She has never once bought the things I've suggested though and one particular time bought something she knew I already had for DD, but a "better" one.

MIL on the other hand loves abroad and comes over just before Christmas and takes the kids shopping. Also stressful because they choose the things they want and I often have them already so need to change them. MIL tries hard and there's no competitive streak, so I much prefer her to do what she does. The kids love the trip out with her.

Totally get you on this! Last year my parents went away and I had to do all of their shopping for them!! Some of my favourite presents growing up and even now are the ones that have nothing to do with my usual likes and wants. Things that I would never have thought of asking for. My SIL is brilliant at coming up with lovely gifts for my kids and they’re never things I would have thought of for them

This is one of those no win situations. MIL chooses on her own? Waste of money, she knows nothing! MIL asks for ideas? If she cared, she’d know.

People asking what the children want or need is far better than people wasting money on something they wouldn’t like or already have. I mean if you don’t know what they want, how on earth are other people supposed to guess right? Christmas comes at the same time every year, start making a note of ideas early as your children mention things or you notice that they need something like pyjamas or slippers. Re budget, surely you can gauge from what they’ve bought before?

Would you rather have multiples of things that need to be returned or exchanged?
my children are adults I have no idea what primary school age children are into these days so yes I’d rather ask what I should get them. It’s not a hardship is it ?

I hate this too.

And I also disagree with "it's better they get exactly what they want" - my kids have often most enjoyed things that they wouldn't have asked for.

I enjoy thinking of things my kids might like but it's nice for them to get things from other people that they have thought of

I am happy to throw out general categories - e.g. MIL likes to get the kids books, I tell her what sort of thing they are currently enjoying, then she has a think about it and checks back with me with her idea to make sure they don't already own it.

She did originally want just to be told exactly what to buy but I have trained her into this approach and the kids really enjoy seeing what she has chosen, she often picks classics from her childhood and they talk about them and it's lovely

I get the annoyance at having your mental load added to, however, I am always glad they have something they want and not some tat that sits around and eventually has to be sold. If I genuinely don’t know or have ideas I’ll just say “you decide - he’ll love anything you choose”

Ds12 has an Amazon wishlist that I share with family. He adds things to it all year and I delete half of it before anyone has a chance to buy it.

It works well for us. When he was younger I added the stuff to it but now he mainly adds it himself. Family know he's the one adding the £750 3D Printer so they don't think I'm being a dick.

I just add stuff to and Amazon list throughout the year and send that for ideas onto them if they go and buy something similar or just get it off there!!

I honestly don’t mind sourcing links for family. If you say something vague like ‘they’re into Bluey’, they might get you something they already have for example.

My MIL is a terrible gift giver, she means well but it always misses the mark. Past examples have been a massive ride on horse we had absolutely no room for and for some reason a fondue set, for a 7 year old… Happy to give her exact links now to avoid this!

I completely understand. By the time you have thought of ideas from yourself that you know (hope) they’ll love you then have to start the thought process again for others. I make an Amazon list for them with a range of different priced gifts but it is a chore.
I also do my parents’ shopping since my mum has dementia. It all adds to the Christmas stress.

I get annoyed about it too but I do have to keep telling myself it's better than the alternative of them getting rubbish they don't want.

But I completely understand, it's hard enough to sort all the stuff you need to for Christmas let alone think of everything for everyone else.

Blimey my ‘children’ are in their 20’s and 30’s and I could still give you a long list of things they would like because I know them.
It was even easier when they were children living at home. Surely you want your children to have presents they really want?

I 100% get it. I don’t want crap that others have got my kids that they won’t play with or use but I am literally buying it and then having the money transferred back into my account. There’s no thought from grandparents at all really which is a bit sad. But also means no waste or returning etc.

No worries chicken, my DS16 is so easy to buy for that I've definitely got a list of spare Christmas present ideas for you to use

Isn't this exactly why people are asking though?! If you can't think of something the children you live with would like, how is a relative that perhaps sees them infrequently meant to know what they already have, what they are into and what is appropriate for their age (thinking older relatives).

The only real complaint I think you have is if they ignore you when you say they would like money towards driving lessons or whatever.

Personally I would prefer my children to get something they want than money wasted on a generic gift marketed at that age group (guessing lynx sets for the 16 year old).
I always remember the year my Aunt got me a fake sportswear outfit. I was young enough to not be able to hide how upset I was and to declare I wouldn't wear it as it was fake and everyone would laugh (joys of peer pressure hey). So now not only was I upset and angry, my Aunt who was there when I opened the gift was upset and then my own parents were mortified by me not having the social etiquette to just say thanks and to just never wear the outfit.
This could all have been saved if Aunt had either just given money towards buying the branded goods if she couldn't afford to actually buy the item I really wanted or asking my parents for something I liked.

Yes to all op, exact same here… everyone does the same, I get the same messages and the same sticky price issue, it drives me a bit crazy- problem is I plan on asking my brother and sister the same things😅😅😅

Why can’t they do it themselves? They can either post the presents or have them delivered.

I think its OK when they are little but at near 12 and a 15yo then I'm buying a mobile and a bike. I don't then need or have the budget for anything further. DM gets with the programme and gives money. MIL is asking for a list. I'm not organising that. She can speak to her sons and grandsons direct!!!

Notice it's always thewomen sorting out gifts!!

Id rather say " She would like an Elsa costume" to one person and "she would like Frozen dolls" to another than "She likes Frozen and getting two Anna costumes .

It is difficult when you don’t know what a child has got already.
I find it a nightmare buying for friends kids because they are very spoilt by family and have so much. I’m wary of buying them the same thing.

OP, as someone who does not see as much of my DGC as I might choose (geography and working parents), if I didn’t get a bit of a steer from parents, I’d have no idea what the DGC wanted. It’s fine for little ones, but as soon as they are school age, I need to know whether they prefer story books or books about science or dinosaurs, or which lego they have their eye on, or whether they’d like a new game/toy/jigsaw puzzle. This is in part to prevent duplication of gifts. If I was told they wanted money, then I’d try to wrap it up with something, even if only chocolate or socks. But if they wanted money, especially if they were saving for something special like driving lessons, they would get it.

Money or vouchers in a card with a selection box is a failsafe . I would stop all your trying to think of things for your kids , it’s surely not beyond the wit of man to chose something age appropriate

Sorry, I'm the opposite. I like DS to get the gifts he really wants and with no duplicates so he's always just written a list in November and I dish out each idea as I'm asked.

I don't pester people for ideas...I think you can pick up quite quickly who is a list person and who isn't. So some of my nieces and nephews do get presents if they have lists...if they don't they get money and some chocolate.