How do I get over this? It’s gut wrenching and horrible

He’s a piece of shit!

How old are you both and what are your living arrangements? Do you live together or have your own homes?

This happened to a friend of mine recently. Her husband randomly started brining her flowers. Turns out he met someone else and was having an affair.

Anyway. You cannot trust him. Even if he hasn’t been physical with this other woman, he deceived you. And he’s lied to you.

You need to end the relationship. It will hurt. It’s shit. But you will move on in time xx

It’s a completely valid reaction @Lillymayedwards, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.

I know your head will be all over the place but try to take a minute to think logically -
If you decide to stay with him - would you ever truly trust him again? If he’s on his phone more than usual or out a bit later than usual etc are you always going to be worried what he’s up to? I know I would be, and personally I wouldn’t want to live like that.
Remember he didn’t tell you this. This wasn’t an “I’ve fucked up and I feel horrendous and I’m so sorry” - you only know because someone else told you. He had no intention of you knowing. I’m going to assume she also didn’t know about you and she’s messaged you when she found out?

You’re upset just now, and rightfully so, but I really hope that the anger overtakes the sadness soon and you tell him where to go. You deserve better.

He is not your husband, no children, so this is easy. He is your fuck-buddy. Get up and leave or throw him out.

I really feel for you, how you're feeling is completely normal. The person you love and trust has betrayed you and your life as you've known it is going to change. Your future plans you had made now gone. I know it's easier said than done but if you can find the strength then end the relationship. I'm in a relationship with someone who cheated on me at the start of our relationship (I found out later on- messages to 6 women). I'm sure he's been unfaithful since. It's hell. I don't trust him, my self esteem has gone. Every time we have sex I remember him telling a woman what he wanted to do to her sexually. When I hear the woman/women's names on a TV show etc it brings it all back. Honestly once the trust has gone it's almost impossible to get it back. You'll waste you're time feeling like you aren't good enough (you are).

A player’s gonna play play play.
This is just the start of it, if you stay.
Up to you!!

He would have been attentive to throw you off the scent

you probably are so collapsed because of the utter betrayal, it’s a normal reaction

This one needs tossing back OP. He doesn’t deserve you or your love. He has cheated and there’s no coming back from that.

I'm sorry hun. I know, it's the worst feeling ever. Really sends you for a ride... physically, mentally. Just know that it will pass. You'll be okay. The first step though is to end things with this guy completely. No going back, no second chances. Unless you want to go through what you're going through now several times over, because he will do it again, and you will never feel safe.

There’s nothing wrong with. This is a normal reaction to discovering someone you trust is a lying deceitful scumbag. At some point you’ll feel angry, too. You may be angry with her instead of him, you may try and persuade yourself it’s not true, but sadly he’s not who you thought he was.

Dump him. The pain will fade once he's gone.

Sorry he turned out to be a piece of shit OP. Betrayal is painful, especially when you've been lead to believe your partner is making a real effort when he was actually just trying to cover his guilt.

Also the "nothing happened" thing is what all cheaters say, what he meant is "nothing happened yet". If you hadn't caught him he'd have been balls deep in her eventually, then probably come over and given you sloppy seconds.

Get tested just in case and lose the scumbag.

It’s not an overreaction, he is such a devious shit.

Don’t give the other woman another thought, just dump him, cut all ties and move on. He truly doesn’t deserve you.

My mother used to say
"How you got him is how he'll leave you"
Belt and brace yourself and go
Whilst realising that she'll get what's coming to her eventually.........

It’s an attachment wound my love. It will heal,you deserve better

His behaviour has crushed what you thought you had. He is a bastard.

You don't need a bastard in your life, let him go as much as it pains you.

You must look out for you. Big hugs it will get easier soon x

Allow yourself to grieve for the person u fell in love with and all the associated emotions.
The person u fell in love with does not exist.
Take care and be kind to yourself

You are understandably devastated because the self preservation part of you knows its over.

I'm so sorry, but it is over.
Dragging it out will never fix the part of you that knows he's cheating scum.

You will get over this and you will be glad you dumped his ass.

It hurts like this because of how much you loved him, op, and because you are losing not just him, but the future you were planning together. It's an awful, awful pain, but you will survive. It doesn't matter what he says now, he's shown you who he is and you could never trust him again.

Instead, be proud of how much you loved. It is his loss to have thrown away what you had. He will cheat on the next girl too, unless by chance he gets cheated on first and learns how it feels.

Take as much time as you need to look after yourself. You will survive and although it doesn't feel like it now you will be ok.

It’s the pain of love you’re feeling, because your feelings are genuine and deep. Better to cut it out whole and start to heal than hope he will have an enlightenment and realise you are the one. He’s not worthy of your love. Hold on to your self respect, that too will help you mend. Sending you strength x

The last few months of my marriage were the happiest I’d ever been. My exH was so attentive, kind and happy. I was absolutely stunned when a neighbour asked me who the woman was who visited a lot during the day. My exH claimed the neighbour was wrong, then the woman was just a friend, then they’d got emotionally close while she was going through a rough time and then finally that they’d been having sex in our bed while I was at work.

I thought I was going to fall apart. I very nearly did. I was like a ghost, drifting through my own life, acting the part of a human.

Your reaction is completely normal. You’re hurting because he’s hurt you. It will take time to feel better, I can’t say how long. But one day you will. One day, it might just be an experience you’re posting about on here when you read about someone else in pain.

You deserve better than this. I wish you a happy and love-filled future. Be gentle with yourself, he’s betrayed you and you deserve better.

As soon as I starting reading the sentence about how lovely he'd been for the last few months I absolutely knew what was coming next. He was assuaging his guilt for being a rotten, lying, deceitful cheat by being extra nice to you.

He has cheated, whether he has shagged her or not. He doesn't love you, I'm sorry.

Cut him loose and don't give the fucker another thought. He's not worth your time or energy. She's welcome to him.

Onward and upwards. You deserve better. The quicker he goes in the bin, the sooner you will get what you truly deserve.

He’s cheating on you op. She told you he’s her boyfriend. He’s been playing you both. Don’t do the pick me dance, it’s so humiliating and degrading, just walk away.

This. My exhusband used to have flowers delivered to the house when he'd had sex with someone else. We had 2 tiny children. Don't get into that situation Op.

Even if there's a possible chance nothing physical has happened between your boyfriend and the OW, he's still been involved emotionally. He's tried to cover his tracks by being overly attentive and romantic towards you, giving you a false sense of security. You confronted him, regarding the OW and he lied, until you confronted him again, and admitted contacting this woman regularly. He's minimising the entire situation, hoping he can wheedle his way out of it and you'll believe him. Take it from me, once you 'forgive', he will take this as a sign that you'll put up with anything he throws at you. He'll cheat again and again. I know you're heartbroken, believe me I've been there, but you deserve better, just as I did. A man who genuinely loves you, doesn't behave in this way. Don't settle for anything less than a man who loves, respects and is honest with you. This man isn't showing you any of these things. As hard as it is, you need to hold your head high and end the relationship. You are allowed to feel devastated, cry, be angry, eat ice-cream, drinking wine, rant to a friend down the phone and mope watching rom-coms. You then pick yourself up, dust yourself down and face the world stronger.

Don’t stay. You’ll never fully forgive this or truly trust him. Your mental health will be in tatters.

definitely don’t stay because leaving feels like losing to the other woman.

He has "fully cheated", whether it was physical or not.