To tell my elderly father that I do have objections to him marrying his partner he met 6 months after my mother died?

You're right to worry. Although nobody is "entitled" to an inheritance, it isn't fair when children who are not related to the deceased, inherit everything while his/her own children get nothing. I've seen this happen several times, particularly when elderly widowers remarry women with adult children of their own, (and sometimes the older women they marry can be gold-diggers), and you should make sure that your father's Will leaves everything to his blood relatives. This is common sense, not greed.

Happened in our family.
Husband died very soon after the wedding. Didn't have time to write a new will. Everything went to his new wife and on her death a few years later, her 2 DC inherited everything.
Very bitter taste for his own DC who didn't even inherit their mum's jewellery.

Wow OP.

I'd have said that you should chat to him about the inheritance issue, but I think since you've already told him you disapprove because of the money, you now need to keep your mouth shut.

He should do what he wants with his money.

Of course YABU.
It’s not your inheritance, it’s his money.
Let him be happy.

Any will made before marriage is invalidated by a new marriage so no point in making one before if you then intend to marry

This is true, but it is possible to make a valid will in anticipation of an impending marriage.

And this is what the OP’s dad should do. The solicitor will point out the advantages and pitfalls of different inheritance strategies.

It would be very sad, and unjust, if his late wife’s assets were to pass to his new wife and her descendants. It’s not ‘grubby’ to suggest that he ought to seek legal advice

Do you have children? If you do would you honestly be happy for any capital you acrued in your life to possibly go to a strangers children rather than your own ? This is what we’re talking about here. OP’s mother’s share of the estate.

I don’t blame them

I agree. In France children are generally protected from this by law. I do think the OP’s mother’s share of the estate should be ringfenced for her children .

What a lazy and disrectful comment.

My mum is disabled and I am her carer as well having a child with SEN I had to home school for 4 years because the LA couldn't place him. So right there I am saving the tax payer a huge sum, like all the other unpaid carers in this country.

Both my partner and I are higher rate tax payers. Every single person in my family has worked in a public role, teachers, nurses, social workers and my Dad defended our country in the forces for 35 years. So, I'd like to think we've positively contributed to this country. Both financially and within our communities.

I dont like to think of anyone else caring for mum, but if she needed it 50% of her home value would cover it, as well as the savings she and my Dad put together over the years. And yes, unfortunately I do know how much care hones cost as both my grandparents died from dementia in homes.

Mum worked in the NHS for 25 years and before that she was a carer in an old people's home for about 10 years. Mum and Dad came from nothing and worked their arses off all their lives. So dont won't worry you won't be paying for my mum's social care. Hope I've made that clear enough.

You can't tell someone else what they should do with their life, just to protect your inheritance. In the end it is up to your Dad to make appropriate arrangements in his will, and you have no control over it. Be happy for him and don't dwell on what you might 'get'... the love of money is the root of all evil.

Sorry but you sound more concerned about your dad’s money than you do about his happiness. It’s his life, it’s up to him. He owes you nothing.

I think you’re wrong. If he is happy what is the problem? Surely you want that

Have to laugh, 5 years?! My Grandad remarried within a year of my Gran dying and she then outlived him by 30 odd years and spent all the estate except for what was in trust for my Dad and Uncle (from first marriage) and her son. That was the value of the house once sold.

Unfortunately, whilst he was a very financially astute man most of his life, he changed his will not long before his death. The solicitor who changed it took against my step-gran and became involved in a long drawn out battle that cost the estate £100k in fees.

However, he was very happy in the 17 years they were together and if anything it has taught us not to rely on anything coming our way.

Just make sure your Dad gets great financial advice and don't begrudge him some happiness in his later years.

No need to wait, and run the risk of death before getting round to the new will. In the UK, make a 'contemplation of marriage' will (it has to be a new one as any previous will gets negated by the marriage).

I would feel the same as you. Legally a new wife will negate any will unless he specifically says he does not want her to inherit. At 80years old, what is his reason for getting married? Why can’t they carry on as they are?

Agreed

@dontletmedownbruce I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, I am also a widow and I agree that in that early period just being able to function was too much and I wasn't interested in moving on at all, if ever.

I've noticed men often seek another woman to grieve with, rather than wait to grieve and then find someone else. They tend not to have any friends to talk with emotionally and like having someone around, anyone, even if it's not the same.

I don't understand it either, but time and time again, men seem to find someone else and plough on. I would expect my husband to have done just that had it been him.

Take care @dontletmedownbruce and be very very kind to yourself at the moment. I wish I could say more to make it ok.

That's fair enough. Then if they intend to marry, and he's that way inclined, make a will AFTER the marriage.

my husband died ten months ago and I can hardly get out of bed (if I don’t have to go to work). I have nightmares several times a week, and frequently fight back tears in public situations.

i hear tales of others losing long-term partners, but immediately getting into new relationships, and it’s incomprehensible to me. I suppose people are different, but even so. For me, this is something that feels impossible - not just right now but for the v foreseeable future.

So… I don’t think YABU, even though people are different.

What your DF does in his private life is none of your business, OP. That's the bottom line here. But I totally understand your misgivings on your own behalf. My father, while he met someone else several years after my mother's death, left everything to his new wife when he died. He'd told us he planned to do this, so it wouldn't be a shock, but since he was dying at the time none of us could bring ourselves to point out that our mother's share of things was effectively passing to another woman and eventually her family.

I still don't know that we were right to say nothing. It just seemed grubby and grabby to object.

@HighlyUnusual I think it’s also generational given that her Dad and his partner are in their 80’s (as is my Dad).

For their generation, getting married was the norm, rather than living together. I remember my Dad saying that he and my SM felt more comfortable being married- not that anyone cared, but it felt right to them.

@Hons123 A properly drawn up will can sort everything out.

Please, OP, don't listen to the people who say 'if he wants to leave it to his new gf, or to a cat or dog home, it is up to him'. No, it is not up to him. Absolutely not up to him. Among the people of his generation, there has always been a tacit understanding, implied understanding that mum and dad would look after the children first and foremost, if either parents dies. If anybody asked your mum when she was still with you, 'if you die and your dh remarries, do you want the money you both accumulated during the 50 years together to go to a new gf of your husband or to a cat and dog home?' Now imagine your mum saying 'I don't mind, it is up to him to do what he wants to do with that money, I don't mind'. Can you imagine it? No, and neither can any normal-thinking woman or indeed person. Not leaving your inheritance to you via not marrying this woman is literally an act of spitting on your mother's memory on the part of your dad. Now, if he becomes infirm and all the hypothetical inheritance goes on his care fees, you don't inherit, but there is nothing to be done about it in the first place, but most importantly, you being left without inheritance in such a scenario has zero disrespect to your mum and to you.
P.S. Men are arseholes, sorry.

Has he said why he wants to get married?
4/5 yrs is not long compared to 50, but it’s not nothing either. He may not have long left and should do whatever makes him happy.
I understand your concerns with health and wealth and you should definitely discuss this with him.
In regards to your mum though, he likely knew her much more than you so you should let him decide if it’s dishonouring her.

Let him live what life he has

My friend’s father remarried a year after being widowed. He willed everything to his new wife and when he died she got everything, even his first wife’s considerable collection of jewellery. My friend got nothing of her mother’s personal belongings as the second wife refused point-blank to let her have anything and instead shared the jewellery with her own two daughters. I would be extremely pissed-off in these circumstances and can understand OP feeling the way she does.