To tell my elderly father that I do have objections to him marrying his partner he met 6 months after my mother died?

@TheignT, I totally agree. Missed opportunity but it’s her dad. Tacky or not she should do it!

I can’t believe people can’t see why they want to be married

it means so many things to different people

also 80 year olds aren’t used to just living together usually

The time to have the conversation was when he asked. Having said she isn't happy and then going back about inheritance is a bit tacky and he could feel if she doesn't care about his feelings why should he care about her possible inheritance.

All you need to do is make a will. No need to be scared.

Someone in. their 80s grew up in a time when you did have to be married to live together. Times have changed but it can be hard when you've grown up with certain expectations.

You don’t need to be married though you can still live with someone . Actually you can also be lonely in a marriage. I spent alot of time worrying about my parent who wasn’t very happily remarried.

Like what when you are getting married again at 80?

I’m totally with you, although as I posted, after my grandad died his wife changed the will to benefit only his wife’s niece. Nothing of what my grandad and grandma built went to their children. To paint a picture. Ince, her niece walked into the house and out of nowhere says. ‘Of course when you and him die, this will all be mine’ I kid you not 🤦🏻‍♀️ so sad. She didn’t even like her niece. Unbelievable

There are lots of things that are easier if you’re married. Someone asked you upthread if you were married yourself. Did I miss your answer?

Have some respect for your father OP. This is someone he loves and if he wants to spend the rest of his life, including end of life with her, then a marriage certificate will make it much easier if one needs to help the other manage medical care or end of life care. Can you give an actual reason why you think tat THEY would be better off not married? And I mean a reason for THEM!

Depends how you set up the trust. My trusts do not have my spouse as a trustee so that adds another layer of protection.

Even if he doesn’t marry her, he may want to provide for her with respect to care in her old age if he isn’t around anymore. Would that be a problem for you too op?

Much of your OP make you send unreasonable and even irrational.

I can well understand your concerns about any inheritance potentially being split between you and the children of his new wife (or you even being left out wholesale). That is a legitimate concern.

If you're going to speak it to your father about this though, I'd be honest about the root of your concerns rather than framing it around disrespecting your mother's memory and him breaking an undertaking not to remarry that he made he took when newly bereaved. That's the part that makes you sound irrational.

I imagine it’s easier to say you have no objections to him marrying for love and companionship but mind very much the new Mrs taking any financial benefit from a marriage and wealth he built with your mum. Please make sure that sister and I do not end risking seeing the new Mrs take it. Leave a proper will. If that new Mrs doesn’t like it…. That should be ringing alarm bells. She’s old enough to to have been accumulating her own nest egg.

It doesn’t quite work like that.

DH and I are “tenants in common”. We have a will such as you describe. But if I died, DH would theoretically be able to sell the half that is held in trust for our children and use the proceeds. They have to agree, but the law says they cannot reasonably withhold their consent.

This is precisely what many posters have been saying!

But OP’s dad needs to be made aware of what he needs to do. As it is he seems to be walking into marriage without considering the implications.

Those who consider her grabby for wanting to raise this clearly have not considered that the dead wife would almost certainly have wanted her share of marital assets to go to her children - rather than the children of a new wife.

The number of people on this thread who are ignorant of wills to protect inheritance is staggering. It’s basic stuff.

Agree. The thought that our dc would be denied, if I died and Dh remarried, that then his wife and her dc got my share, and not our dc, is scary.

But you can make a will ensuring that. I know of a couple who marred in their 60s after the first wife died. They were " tenants in common" on the house and she left " her" half to the kids with the proviso her DH could live in it for life. After his death when it was sold the 50 percent ( which was originally hers) goes to the kids. The other 50 percent is up to the husband what he does with it

OP, you were totally in your rights to answer your DF honestly. I think you should now approach him and ask him what would be his plans for his estate if he were to marry.

As PP has said if he is capable of marriage, he is capable of making a will that considers everyone.

What is wrong with having these conversations? It may be because we don’t have them that causes many problems.

We speak about our wills with our ADC and have our POAs in place.

Situations change and Wills get changed which is why we need to have these open and honest conversations with our closest family every now and then.

People need to educate themselves on Will
making because there are provisions which can make assets, property and money untouchable. My DSis did, thankfully!

Yep and as a mother I want what I’ve worked for to go to my kids not a strangers children. In France it’s pretty much the law that a deceased persons estate is ,in part ,ring fenced for children. The spouse usually stays in the house to the end of their life ( or can rent it and reap the benefit) or sell it and buy something else but the deceased persons share of the property belongs to the children. This is what me and my DH have done as wills.

Are you married OP?

Might not be a birthright but Yes it's A bonus. A HUGE Bonus! And certainly not one I would want going to someone else.

I stand to inherit my Mum's estate when she dies. I don't want her going anytime soon, I love her and I need her. Very much so. Will the cash from her estate benefit me? Hell to the fucking yes it will! Do I necessarily need it? No, I don't. But I sure as shit do not want it going to any potential partner she may have. Fuck that! If that makes me selfish and grabby then that's what I am.

And as a couple of previous posters have pointed out. Look at what happened to Lynda Bellingham's sons when she died. Disgraceful.

What's wrong with your kids? Why can't they look after themselves? We all look out for our kids and do the best for them but putting your life on hold for them is ridiculous unless there is a reason why the kids cannot fend for themselves. Mine will inherit from me but they don't need it. They're well adjusted, hard working young people who will successfully get through life financially whether they inherit or not. Inheritance is a bonus not a birthright.