To tell my elderly father that I do have objections to him marrying his partner he met 6 months after my mother died?

Yes I think it’s an obscene level of entitlement to deny somebody happiness because you feel entitled to “their hard work”.

It’s THEIR hard work. Not OPs.

You are begrudging your DF happiness because of money? No one is entitled to an inheritance, concentrate on earning your own money and let him move on and do what he wants with his money and his life.

Also I checked with my husband before he got ill whether he would have married again . As I was worried our children could be pushed out . And he absolutely agreed that he was not inclined to unless there was a financial equality or benefit . There is no need to especially in your eighties. You could have a party anyway without getting married .

Does nobody remember what Lynda Bellingham's husband did to her sons?

Would you be equally angry if your father spent all his wealth on himself before he died?

Think of the inheritance not as money, but as many many hours of hard work. And you think it's Ok to give these hours of hard work to strangers instead of your own children! It's nothing to do with her father's happiness is it!

To those saying you are denying your father happiness, OP, I think they are wrong. Why would he be happier married to her?

I also think you are right to have concerns over POA and end of life decisions etc. A 5 year relationship is nothing in the grand scheme of things and again, I’d be worried about a relatively new person making those decisions.

You can be POA more sensible as your younger

He wants to be married

are you?

Yes in case she doesn’t get a fair share of daddies money.

Come on OP. If that was the case you would have phrased your OP that way.

You are primarily worried about your piece of the pie. At least own that.

Wills bring out the absolute worst in people. Arghh leave your father to live his life and spend his money as he sees fit.

Poor guy is probably really upset you have kiboshed this.

Absolutely not

This is what happened to my father. His father (my grandfather) remarried and then changed his will. He passed first and now everything he built with my grandmother, including my father’s childhood home, and shares they had jointly invested in, will go to a random niece in South Africa who has never even met my step grandmother.

She calls my father every month or so, asking ‘how is ‘step-grandma’ going?’ i.e. ‘Is she dead yet?’. My father is independently wealthy from his own business, and has never been one to care much about money. But I can tell that he’s really hurt at the situation.

Gosh aren’t you pleased your dads happy

if that what your worried about discuss with your dad protecting your mum’s money - it can be done

technically it’s his money now

you can protect your mum’s memory and get married at same time - I think 5 years is fair enough

lots of men can’t exist without a female in their life and pair up soon after. Your dad was obv lonely

it’s his life

It's not just money though, it could mean that your future stepmother would have the final decision about life support/end of life treatment. It's a huge can of worms.

It’s none of your business . He’s your father stop infantilising him.

This isn’t accurate though, she’s been outwardly supportive of them being in a relationship, it’s just the marriage that she doesn’t like.

Imagine if your DH died OP, and after a period of grieving you met someone and fell in love, and they loved you back.

Then five years down the line, you wanted to marry that man; would you expect that your family would be happy for you? Or would you expect them to object?

If you, as a widow, wanted to ensure your DC inherited from you, you could make a will and if you weren’t bothered about what you left behind and to whom, you may not. But surely, as a grown adult, you’d see all of those decisions as yours to make, wouldn’t you?

I think telling anyone that they shouldn’t marry because you want their money is bloody cheeky tbh.

You are prioritising your inheritance over your father’s happiness.

Yikes.

I remember a piece on a BBC morning show about kids annoyed their parents were “spending their inheritance” and wondered who on earth would be entitled enough to see their parents wealth as their own.

Now I know.

of course she's concerned about the money her mother probably worked for here entire life. Her mother with 100% certainty didn't think ' I don't care if my children don't get what I've worked for, but I'm perfectly content if it goes to some people I''ve never seen in my whole life.
I'm guessing the many posters on here who criticise the OP think it's Ok that the money goes to complete strangers and not to her mother's own children.

What a horrible post

It seems like lunacy for him to marry again at this stage . There simply isn't any need .People particularly men can be very short sighted and selfish.I am a widow although relatively young and I wouldn't dream of marrying again or complicating things for my children. I feel that everything my husband worked for that is left should go to them without any anxiety or stress or uncertainty .

When you say elderly what age are you talking? And what age is the partner?

well i agree it would be a bit shit if your parents inheritance ends up going to her children instead of you, but saying his relationship is disrespectful towards your mum seems a little cruel and manipulative.

it’s a shame it’s so hard to have frank conversations about money. I would perhaps go about it by asking him why he wants to marry her - the 2 reasons are, as you say, to hand over power and money to her, so i would perhaps get him to be clear in his own mind about what he wants. I’d perhaps say something like “I will of course support you no matter what but I’m surprised because not long ago you didn’t even want to live with her, and now you want to enter into a legal contract to give her power over your healthcare decisions and to pass down your and mum’s assets to her side of the family when you pass away. I love and support you no matter what but this is such a dramatic shift from your initial stance so it took me by surprise before.”

It might piss him off though.. will he accuse you of being grabby?