To tell my elderly father that I do have objections to him marrying his partner he met 6 months after my mother died?

She could have sorted that out before she died.

Doesn't really matter if he marries her, he can give her lasting power of attorney without making her his wife, he might have already done it. He can make a will leaving her everything even if they never marry. If you want to talk about those things then do it but don't imagine he can't sort things out the way he chooses without marriage.

My uncle did this, married someone else 3 years after auntie died, and they were married over 65 years. But they, I believe have ring-fenced stuff for their kids.

They don’t need to get married. Dad can leave half his money to partner if he wants too. But op’s mum would have wanted her children to have inherited money that she works hard for. I can’t imagine how horrified she would have be if her hard earned money went to other people’s children/grandchildren.

I don’t know why people get all uppity about this.

Say you’re a mum and you’ve worked hard to build a nice home life and future for your children, then you drop dead and your husband remarries… would you honestly be happy that the new wife got all your hard earned assets and your own kids got nothing?

I’d haunt the bastards.

I think it’s naive to think that adults don’t have this conversation before marrying when complex family dynamics are involved.

DH and I are married for the second time, he has kids, I don’t and I came to the marriage with considerably more assets than him and we have built up joint assets in the time we are together.

Every time his adult children make reference (more regularly than you’d hope) to how much they will inherit it makes my ethical side want to shrink up and slap them in the face with nothing when we both pass.

We have both never inherited a single penny and fully expect both sets of parents to pass spending all their money on care bills. All of the mental arithmetics that my Stepchildren regularly trot out make my blood boil quite frankly.

I can see your angle on this OP but 5 years in is a long time in an adult relationship and a heavy investment from both sides don’t assume she’s gold digging just because you are.

😂totally grabby. The number of post about money vs health you have made are an indicator of your true worries.

You sound worried about heirlooms which is completely understandable and very sad what happened

@Perimomof2 as a matter of interest how old is he?
I'm in a relationship with a widower. Personally I wouldn't take a penny from his children or grandchildren. I understand entirely though that some people wouldn't hesitate a friend of mine lost any inheritance exactly for the reasons you fear.
I have my own house and savings to bequeathed to my 2 dcs and over my dead body would I or he, risk them losing that.
We've actually never even spoke about marriage and even though he has a lot more than me in assets I would want a foolhardy will. Maybe he could do that?

Exactly. It's not about not receiving an inheritance yourself, it's about some random strangers being given a one up in life due to my Mother's hard work without having done anything to deserve it and against her wishes. I'd rather see it go to a charity she supported.

On the flip side if I was one of the children of this potential wife to be I'd feel like a freeloader knowing I would inherit something that should be going to the OP.

OP I agree. I wouldn't like this at all. Marriage is a legally binding commitment and frankly it does risk what should rightly be passed down to you as his children. I'd find this really distressing. Being really honest here.

Hmmm hes just a typical man then. Hopefully he has done the right thing and made his will out to his children, not her.

I had similar situation with MIL.One solution is to make a will,leave everything in Trust to the wife for her lifetime,and then it will come to you.Unfortunately,my FIL did not do this.

Are you married @Perimomof2?

He was lonely obv

What you're worried about is exactly what happened with my Grandfather. Most of his assets were actually my grandmother's (all the paintings, jewelry etc). Granny died, he remarried a woman his kid's age. Then he died and she has everything - stuff that was in my granny's family for years and years including portraits of her ancestors - all will end up with her daughters from a previous marriage.

I know on Mumsnet you're meant to pretend there is nothing wrong with this and that Im a grabby bitch for being slightly sad about my grandmother's things being ciphoned off to women who never even met her.

….you’re not required to see. Why isnt it enough for you that he wants to?

Being married doesn’t automatically give their spouse LPOA. After 6 months I get it, but after 5 years maybe it’s time to rethink? His will and choice of LPOA can be re written according to his wishes, presumabing he is of sound mind.

I would have been more pissed off at the beginning of their relationship, when your mum (50 years marriage) had passed away and he couldnt wait a year for the next one! Not 5 years later in the relationship YABU