To tell my elderly father that I do have objections to him marrying his partner he met 6 months after my mother died?

When I was researching my family history and got a copy of my grandad’s will (only to confirm I had the right person and he went under several names which were very common) I found out he left all his estate to another woman on account of my grandma’s many admissions to a mental health hospital. Didn’t know that was possible to leave your estate to someone other than your spouse!

Exactly

this happened to a friend of mine. Her DF remarried less than 6 months after her DM passed and moved into the family home. New wife threw out almost everything, including all sentimental things of friend and her Dsis’s DM. They were devastated because much was family things from DGP. All gone in new wife’s purge. It massively impacted my friend and her Dsis’s ability to move forward and grieve.

You’re absolutely right. You are a money grabber. You have the right to speak for yourself but absolutely not for your parent. I absolutely abhor this culture of expectation around inheritance now. You’re supposed to be an independent adult. Act like it instead of demanding freebies.

Yes and you can sometimes make a will in notice of marrying

That’s why I said sometimes

You weren't bothered about his health when you happily upset your own father just because you want his money. I started off thinking you were just a bit messed up by the thought of your dad moving on. It is hard to see someone else in your mum's place. But the more you post, the more it clear it becomes that you are not interested in anything apart from yourself and the money. Your poor parents, what have they brought up?!

Yes. Marriage automatically revokes any existing will and the advice is to make a new one as soon as possible after marrying.

I certainly do. Our assets as a couple have mostly come from me (big redundancy payout plus inheriting half my late DM's estate) so I would be gutted if our DS didn't inherit.
I've said to my DH that it's fine if he takes up with some floozy after my death (big of me, I know😉) but DS, who is unlikely to be able to afford his own property as things stand should inherit it all, in due course. So have relationships by all means but please don't marry again, especially if floozy has children of her own.

It will at least give our DS worry-free middle years and security in later life. I also have no intention of ever remarrying should DH pre-decease me, there would be no need.
I came to this realisation when a close friend inherited all her stepfather's estate because he died before her DM and of course her DM then left the lot to her. Her stepfather had a son from a previous marriage but 'he didn't need the money, so that was OK,' according to my friend. It changed how I thought of her.

Aren’t all wills invalid if you remarry?

If you’re worried about your inheritance be upfront and have an honest conversation with him about how that could be protected - I’m sure if he hasn’t already thought about it, if you bring it to his attention then you can reasonably sort it out. But if you approach it from the point of view of not giving him your blessing to remarry after five years, you’re on a hiding to nothing. It’s his life, and what he chooses to do after five years of being a widow is really none of your business.

But he isn’t is he, as he’s decided to get married?

The tone of that comment was a bit breathtakingly heartless.

Not unreasonable at all to expect your mothers share of the house and possesions etc to come to you and your siblings. A friend lost all her mothers share to her husbands new wife. Thats not being grabby . Her mother wouldnt want her money to go to a woman she never even knew. She'd want it to go to her children.

Only if the estate is large enough. Many are not anywhere near that size.

It is hard to see your parent “move on” but at 80+ he is entitled to spend his last years with someone who makes him happy and completes his life. Old age can be very lonely. Marriage is obviously what they both want.

Anyone who has had parents who needed to go into care will tell you that your inheritance evaporates in no time. You can’t make any assumptions about what you might get.

No it isn’t

crickey

that generation like to be married and do things as they see properly

I got married at 50 - neither of us were having babies!

No such problem with adding someone to the deeds.

Indeed.
If she's not pregnant then there's very little need.

They could create power if attorney if that's what they wanted. Marriage is about assets.

100 percent he should not marry her unless his will states everything goes to his children.

Thanks for saying that - I’m the second wife in that situation and my husband was divorced though - together nearly 20 years

he wanted to look after me AND his children

one of them did hassle him so much that I heard him shouting down the phone one day “shall I just die now so you can have it all” 😞

Ok - been here! If you choose to talk to your Dad you need to verbalise this very carefully. I would focus on health/poa decisions as your concerns. Also, what situation is the fiance coming from? Does she have children? Will they have mutual concerns? (This could make your conversation more altruistic/genuine)… Assumjng they are compus mentis you will have to live with what they decide but you can (very gently) raise your worries and see what reaction you get…

Maybe your father wants to live his life whilst you’re planning his decrepitude and death.

This

This is a sad read. Do you not care about your dad’s happiness? My dad remarried after my mum died (about 5 years after) and I was just glad he had found someone. 20 years on they’re still together. Yes the estate will be less than if he hadn’t married but I don’t care. I’m just glad my dad has met someone and had a happy 20 years. He didn’t want to live with her unmarried as he’s quite traditional - wanted to make sure she was looked after. He is also very keen to make sure she will be ok after he dies (he’s 10 years older). He’s a good person and I respect him. And trust his judgement.

Anyone in this situation would be concerned about their deceased parent’s legacy. And they have every right to be.

I think you are not unreasonable to have these feelings - my step dad got all my mums money and moved on after 6 months. We had even paid for the double grave so I was having all sorts of dark thoughts about that

BUT
you were v unreasonable to object. It was sweet of him to ask you but you really have no right to have a say in his life choices vice versa. After being attached to a partner for half their life, men often seek companionship in this way. It’s what he has decided he needs. Grit your teeth and give him your blessing and let him live out his days with someone he cares about.
i have more gritting to come as I cannot stand my ‘step mum’ and all her kids will end up inheriting my dad’s hard earned money due to them having inadvisable mirror wills. I feel bitter about this but he is a grown up and could alter this now if he could stand up to her. But not my money, not my business

good luck x