To tell my elderly father that I do have objections to him marrying his partner he met 6 months after my mother died?

Time to grow up and respect his decision.

I would also question why a woman of that age would want to get married at this late stage if she owns her own home and hasn't moved in for five years, she's hardly a gold-digger. Basically marrying is quite romantic. He wants to be her husband and she his wife. She's hardly going to live it up in her eighties.

I think it's sensible to bring this up as a practical issue of- have you thought of care in your later years? what about POA? who would you like to arrange your care or your funeral? (I'm doing my mums, I know this as she's arranged it all and left me a file on what to do!)

Don't say it's disrespecting your mother, if my children said that to me after caring for my husband into his grave, I'd be disgusted by them. Those left alone want to cling to some happiness in life and who are you to say that's wrong? Widows and widowers are actual people with their own feelings and have to try to make a life after the death of a spouse, it's hard enough without dollops of judgement all round.

You are being VU.

She’s been with him 5 years.

How long were you with your DH before feeling you knew each other/got married etc?

You are massively overstepping. Butt out.

Same thing happened to my dear friend.
Her mother will forever be turning in her grave the way HER business and property went completely out of her family to her husbands new wife and children
40 years later, it is still shocking.
Her father died young too, so every penny gone to his new wife and her children.
My friend was left without a penny in her early 20's when her father died.
She was turfed out of her home 3 weeks later.

It happens.

How can you tell yoyr DF he can't marry.

Could he tell you the same?

No. YABU.

If inheritance is the issue to talk to him about his will once he's married or get him to give you your inheritance now if that's even feasible....

Yes, you're wrong if your main reason is disrespect to your dead mother. That's selfish, to say the least.

If that's just an excuse, and you're it's more a matter of greed, worrying about the distribution of his money - well, that's still mostly wrong.

However, that said, although I certainly think you should back off with your disapproval, you could try to possibly feel if there is some way you can broach the subject without sounding greedy. Maybe you could start by gently saying that you and your sibling are concerned about the family dynamics at this late stage of your family's life, such as medical decisions. Every time you're over there, you could rhapsodize about how much you've always loved the house and all its happy memories, but I can't offhand think of any way to mention the financial aspect without making yourself look bad.

I absolutely agree with you OP. But you can try to speak with him to minimise the potential outcome should they marry and he dies before her. I would also question why a woman of that age would want to get married at this late stage. He could split his estate so that she inherits half, and the remainder should be willed to yourself. It’s not just the money, but family heirlooms and family memorabilia that wouldn’t necessarily mean anything to her and her family, but would to you.

I am on the fence about this, as a widow.

I think my husband would want me to be happy again, and that includes having another partner, although like most women I have not rushed into this, unlike so many men.

I don't think 5 and a half years is a short relationship, and I don't think it's disrespectful to your mum at all. I don't get this thinking, I'd be pleased he had someone as a companion and had some enjoyment and fun in his later years. Him being on his own all this time might have been very depressing and burdensome to you, and she's taken that on.

The other thing is, she's not the poorer one here by all accounts. Her children are probably worried she's marrying him. If they both have houses, and they don't currently live together, it sounds to me like they are planning to downsize or seek care together so they are not living separately for this later part of their lives. I think that's a noble aim, and speaks well to your dad.

You can discuss his plans with him and talk about inheritance and POA and how you don't want to be locked out of health decisions, but my guess is that he does want that commitment to her and that will include some aspects of her deciding on his health and him on hers, and some sharing of finances.

I would tread very carefully here OP, you are sounding quite mercenary here and he may indeed not care about that at this point in his life when he's planning how to care for her, himself and how to make sure their money makes their lives more comfortable.

My priority is to live a good old age, have the appropriate care and have someone I love by my side, he may be the same. If that means my children inherit less, so be it, although I would do inheritance planning so they receive something.

My Dad married my step-Mum a few years after my Mum died. I was delighted as she was lovely. Sadly, she also predeceased him.

They were both 70ish and widowed so they decided to keep their finances completely separate, except for sharing household bills. Their Wills also kept their estates separate and my Dad didn’t inherit anything when my SM died, everything went to her family.

I and my auntie have LPA for my Dad; her family had LPA for her.

I would say to your Dad that you and your siblings would like to retain POA as you’ve obviously known him all your lives and want to ensure that his wishes are followed/he’s well taken care of.

It doesn’t complicate things at all. An effective will needs to be drawn up that addresses inheritance. It’s really simple but needs doing properly.

They are 80 prob diff values

why dont they just live together

Him knowing her 5 years has nothing to do with it, it is quite a long time actually. The point is marriage second time round if you have children is to be handled carefully or not done at all. It’s pretty pointless and in fact complicates everything.

I think you’re unreasonable objecting without explaining why. It’s not about being disrespectful to your mum is it? It’s about the inheritance/POA - which is understandable, I would feel the same. I think most would tbh.

You need to talk to your dad. He’s asked you so obviously values your opinion - making sure he protects his assets, even just for himself is sensible. If I died I wouldn’t want what me and DH have built up to go to a strangers family -that’s normal isn’t it? Talk to him.

You mean “renders the state and tax payers liable for my mum’s social care fees if we don’t want to look after her and we still inherit”

FIL did this. MIL of 50 years passed & he was on with her bf within months, married shortly after.

I know everyone thinks it's his money... But, MIL told me her biggest fear was her life savings being diverted to another woman's kids. She left her half of the house & money to DH & SIL. They decided FIL needed it & over rode the will. FIL promptly married, sold the house and handed most of it to new DW. New will states 1/3rds DH, SIL, new wife.

I suspect FIL's motivation was to stop SIL putting him in a home, and obtain a companion & carer. The one positive is that FIL has become very unwell & needs 24/7 care, doc appts etc. and it's new wife problem. Even dedicated DH is so hurt he's pulled back. He was running out almost every day & and chewing through his leave for FIL beforehand. It's not about money, it's about the total disregard for his wife of 50 years & his own DC.

I'd be making sure a new will is drawn up after the wedding, but, that doesn't stop it being diverted beforehand, as we've found out.

Difficult. If your relationship with him is paramount then I guess you'll you have to work out what discussions you can have while still preserving that.
Re wills. Any will your dad has made will be nullified on marriage. Marriage resets that. So he (and she) may well wish to make seperate wills to reflect their wishes.
Lasting Power of Attorney is unaffected by marriage. If your dad has already appointed an LPA (you?) then that will stand. Know that 'next of kin' has no authority when it comes to decison-making, anyone close to the person should be consulted if the need arises.

I assume that if they live close by, she has her own property.
Maybe hers is worth more than his.
Maybe they're planning to sell both properties, downsize, and give a good chunk to you then.

On the face of it though I can understand your concerns.

You have every right to think about the consequences and be worried about your inheritance disappearing.

Why does your father want to marry? Is the gf putting pressure on him?

I don't think you are being unreasonable, why do they need to marry? And if they really want to marry does he know what this means regarding his assets if he dies? Is he aware he can make a Will? I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with asking these questions. If he wants to leave it all to his new wife or the cat's home etc then that's up to him.

This

Yes it does bring out the worst in people. Usually the ‘second wife/husband’ and their families in my experience.
Many (adult) children get pushed out of the way when a new partner comes along and her (or his) children inherit. Maybe it doesn’t matter much if your parents don’t have much to leave or didn’t inherit from their parents but I would hate to think of my stepfathers daughters wearing the beautiful jewellry my maternal grandmother had bought for her by my grandfather for example.

My father has been suckered in by a woman -younger - who has ensured my brother and I willNOT receive anything when our father dies as it’s all going to HER daughter despite the fact that my father brought about 10 times more into the relationship.
Will it ‘bring out the worst in me’? No, I’ve accepted it. I’m angry with my father though for letting this happen.
Luckily my mother has her head screwed on and has kept finances seperate from her second husband. His children will inherit from him, I’ll inherit from her.

My great uncle was bled dry by his second wife and her family. He wasn’t allowed to spend a penny on flowers for the grave of his first wife and child . He died neglected, hungry, cold and unloved and his blood family paid for his funeral as everything he had had been siphoned off and he died with nothing but the dirty clothes he was wearing,

So @Perimomof2 I feel for you. I too wouldn’t want ‘wife number 2’ getting her hands on everything my mum worked for.
Speak to your dd and get him some legal advice. I men, after all, if she truly loves him she won’t have any issue with him leaving his estate to his children will she??

More likely she siphoned it off in the preceding year

And I should just make clear, those kids were all over 40 when my father first met them.

Best way to sort this out is to make a will that protects your half of your shared estate. Any half decent will writer can do that. Wont cost much and worth every penny.

Because as the OP shows, the mother didnt expect him to marry again (and I am sure when he said he wouldnt, he meant it) but once you are dead he can do anything he likes and it will be too late for your kids to do anything about it.