To tell my elderly father that I do have objections to him marrying his partner he met 6 months after my mother died?

Well yes and a bit over controlling. If you have given an asset/ money to someomey to some it is then theirs so up to them to do as they wish. .I suppose other option is to tie the money up and get an annuity paid to them until death then it reverts to the kids

My point is that you may want the assets to go in different directions depending upon the length of survival of the second person after the first death. Which is impossible to predict.

@WhistPie It is as long as you keep your finances separate and have your Wills properly drawn up by a solicitor (no DIY Wills, for example).

My Dad and late step-Mum, who were both widowed when they met, discussed this and ensured that their families would inherit. When my SM died, my Dad didn’t get a penny: if he’d gone first, she wouldn’t have inherited anything.

They married in their 70’s and had a lovely 15 years together, but they weren’t looking for financial support from each other.

Can still leave a certain amount to the kids. Simple enough. No need for the deceased bank account to be automatically taken by their spouses.

Just state in will " the money I have in my accounts goes to my kids)

Yes, I know that. But it's not as simple when it's money

With property all you need to do is have as tenants in common. Then the person who dies first leaves theirs to the kids and a clause that means the other person can live in it for lifetime. Then when the 2nd person dies the first half goes automatically to the kids whether or not they've remarried etc.

This would make sense if she had any reason to believe that her dad would just leave everything to his wife and disinherit her. There is no evidence that this is his plan.

Because people trust their spouse, and want their spouse to be looked after when they're alive. If I die before mine, I want him to have the benefit of our joint assets. If he then died within a short time of me, I'd want that money to go to my family. If he died 30 years after me, I'd want him to have used it all up!

She's not unreasonable in feeling any of this stuff but she is unreasonable for trying to dictate to her father. There was absolutely another preventing the mother from ring fencing the assets for her kids. She can't blame anyone else except her mother for that.If those were her wishes why the hell didn't she fort it when alive And she doesn't even know what provisions her father has or hasn't made

Please explain

a) why you think she is unreasonable to be upset that her mothers wishes may not be upheld
b) why you think she is unreasonable to be upset that the money her mother saved and worked for might go to the children of a woman she has never even met
c) why she she is "weird"
d) why she should seek help and what type of help you think would be appropriate.

A voice of reason. Find it almost unbelievable - the shoulder shrugging on here. Suspect most wouldn’t actually be so casual if in that circumstance. Crazy thinking that one’s dead parent would be happy that their “half” of married assets could go in full or even in part to some newly introduced stepchildren (likely adult) post death. I can’t believe people think this is generally just ok? Really?

Who said she was any younger?!

Why should you get ANY opinion as to what he wants to do about his healthcare? You should just be supporting his choices, not making any decisions for him. Maybe there's a good reason he doesn't want you making these choices.

You're totally unreasonable and weird. Seek help.

Exactly this.

A world of difference between remarrying when you have at least the same years ahead to regroup finances and lifestyles and this situation.

Of course her dad can be happy with anyone he likes but he already has a lifetime invested in a different family. It wouldn't be fair to ignore that.

You've made some wild assumptions there. Her dad simply asked for her blessing to get married. At no point has he said he will reduce the daughter's inheritance or give it his new wife. There is no evidence that the new wife thinks she will inherit anything. You've jumped to a totally unfounded conclusion, as has the OP.

He doesn’t think he should

he wants to

your being obtuse

🙄Well I'm certainly not part of a London elite.

And if a man in his 80s thinks he should marry a woman in her 80s to avoid people talking when he gets her pregnant, then he needs a few lessons in human biology 🤣

Just remind me, how did the Starr and Lennon first marriages work out?

Exactly / I feel the free love was in America or like you say london elites

my parents divorced in the 70s and it was a massive disgrace my dad lived with his new partner unmarried

I think I said I'm 72, if I remember rightly the age if majority changed while I was between 18 and 21. Nowadays people generally refer to coming of age being 18.

The idea that free love and living together was normal is hilarious, maybe the cool people in London thought it was ok but for most of the country it wasn't. Have you ever seen those programmes about people in their 40s and 50s meeting their birth mother who explains she had to give her baby up? Why do you imagine parents sent their daughter's to unmarried mother's homes and pretended they were off visiting their auntie.

Did you realise John Lennon and Ringo Star both married their first wives due to pregnancy, that was the best outcome for young pregnant women although many if those marriages were unhappy and some of those ended in divorce. I know people my age who were in that position and one of them has always pretended to her children that she married a year before she did. Her now nearly 50 year old child still isn't aware she was conceived outside marriage. That is reality and may be why this man feels marriage is important

OP and her dad are close. It would rightly be a shock if OP didn't inherit anything when there is something to inherit. Still, the dad has the right to do whatever he wants with his money. Decent parents who have a good relationship with their children wouldn't leave them out of the will.

Exactly. This is why it's so weird that the op immediately told her dad she didn't approve of him getting married.

She seems to have no faith in her own father and to be very focused on what she might get when he dies. That doesn't sound like their relationship is all that close to me.

But what you said was

"I’m concerned that if he marries his wife will have POA around health and finances and that his estate (house and savings which were accumulated jointly with my DM) will not pass solely to his two children but to his wife who his has known for a relatively short time and will subsequently be split with her children. For context, his estate is likely to be considerably larger than hers."

Which is it? Disrespectful to your mother's memory (it's not) or concerned about your inheritance, which it will affect, but in your father's shoes I'd be considering writing you out anyway, if my cash was more important to you than my happiness.

I'm in the same place as your DF and my sons are very happy to see me happy - in fact I've just posted about that today.

I don't expect to ever remarry, but if I did I'd take steps to make sure DC still get the bulk of my money. That said, if I had another long marriage, it would also be right for him to have something.

Someone I know recently got a shock because her mother chose to leave the bulk of her wealth to a charity. She didn't see much of her mother and wanted Christmases to be "her little family" leaving her mum to organise herself ....

Parents are free to disinherit their children from any reason they want.

True but this story is completely different from the OP's situation. You can't be shocked to learn that you're not in your mum's will when you hardly spent time with her and pushed her away. Different circumstances and not comparable.

OP and her dad are close. It would rightly be a shock if OP didn't inherit anything when there is something to inherit. Still, the dad has the right to do whatever he wants with his money. Decent parents who have a good relationship with their children wouldn't leave them out of the will.

My mother was very astute. She was the high earner in the marriage and invested well. I loved my father but he was a bit of an idiot for a pretty face. My mother was aware of this so ensured that their property was held as tenants in common as she didn’t trust him to ‘do the right thing’ if he was ever carried away by romance. In addition to half of the house coming to me when she died she also left me the vast majority of her estate with a sensible amount of money going to him to give him a comfortable existence for his remaining years. Also stating that he could remain in the house until his death. She knew though that there was no way I would have considered evicting him to release my half. This the way to ensure that your estate goes where you want it to.