Have I ruined the last “magic” xmas

DCs never believed - literalists that they are. DS2 in particular had zero truck for it. Still had magic Christmas. Baking and decorating the house and playing games.

We never did any big 'events' when I was a kid and I still have such fond memories of the time. Just seeing the lights in the town, the parade if it was on and soaking up the buzz in the shops/ looking at all the novelty and decorative items in the shops and garden centres. As long as you give them your attention and enjoy your time out together it's enough especially when they're young and know no better. An advent calendar is also a cheap and easy way to let children enjoy the build up, watching festive movies, crafts and baking like other PPs have suggested. Really when they're young is the time when you can spend not too much and still have a great time. I'm sorry to hear you've had a tough year though, i hope things look up for you in 2026.

I would make it easier on yourself by gently letting her know that it’s not true. And that mummy’s budget needs to be smaller. She won’t love you any less and neither will Christmas forever be not magical. My kids are in their 20s, I never lied to them about Santa, they still get excited about when he is going to visit and will pretend to spot his sleigh amongst the stars when we come back from a nighttime walk to look at the neighbourhood Christmas lights. So much fun and joy, all the make believe but without the pressure.

One of my strongest memories of Christmas as a child is being laid under the Christmas tree, looking up at the coloured lights with different coloured quality st wrappers over my eyes to make the colours change.......I really think families waste a lot of money chasing this so called magic which can't be bought. Christmas is about the people around you and the time you spend with them. It isn't something you need to throw piles of money at.

OP despite me explaining to my pre-teens (at the time) to not ruin it for younger dsc, dd still insists on believing. I’ve given up trying to tell her 🤷‍♀️

Magic is in everything you do! Crafts, buying a special bauble for the tree, “reindeer food”, building a gingerbread house or decorating cookies… make it special, that’s the magic!

As PP have said, especially at 6, lists can be guided. Santa doesn’t bring tech etc. Give yourself a break, you’ve had a really hard year

Just to echo what others have said, I have had very poor Christmases and expensive ones and the only thing that makes anything memorable is the attitude of the parent and the fun vibes being shared, which is as achievable or more when at home baking stuff or crafting decorations. I find I'm more stressed when we do do trips out, so probably not the most christmassy vibes! I'd lean into how you can make this a handmade, crafty christmas which is actually very fashionable at the moment - valuing environment, enjoyable food and human connection over STUFF!

It is what it is.

Christmas is what you make it though. The most precious memories are the time spent with family. That’s what your child will remember.

As others have said a lot of free or cheap stuff to do. Walking about seeing lights, baking, getting ready for Christmas, reading Christmas stories, doing silly things like Elf on a Shelve (if it’s your thing), etc

Don’t feel as if you’re failing because you’re struggling financially. There’s ways to make it exciting. Just need enthusiasm!

No one can afford Lapland kick that off your worry list!write a list of all the ideas from here,reading the Grinch together, following Santa tracker online watching the stars every night seeing the Christmas lights getting turned on in your town,making sweets(rolled marzipan)together,making cards,collecting pine cones etc,whatever you can do,do it together.its being together and present with them that's key.worst thing you can do with Christmas is worry about Christmas,just make an active plan of what is affordable and enjoy it together without worry.once you start worrying about missing out Lapland etc there's no fun left.choose your presents from charity shops and things you need anyway (new toothbrush/pjs/socks etc whatever it is).

Honestly op. I am sorry you are having a stressful time. We have been up and down re finances over the years. Children are 26 and 18 now! We did not really subscribe to the regular panto,( went a couple of times)Father Christmas thing etc( tried F.C once and they both hated it). Norad,Christmas films,games,food,music and being cosy,Night before Christmas book and the Snowman film are all fondly remembered( and some still happen!).

FWIW on Lapland…

The Lapland of my childhood imagination was an utterly amazing, and truly magical place in the literal sense of the word.

No real-life Lapland could possibly have come close to the Lapland that I believed existed.

Anything short of seeing actual elves in an actual workshop and actual flying reindeer would have been a big disappointment to me and in truth would probably have been the moment that I stopped believing.

My advice to parents looking to keep the magic alive is to avoid Lapland when they’re young, take them when they’re about 9 or 10 and are at the ‘pretending to believe’ stage, instead.

My son is 4 and he’s never believed Santa is real and we’ve told him he’s correct.

We’ve never done pantos or grottos or any of that stuff and don’t intent to in the future. He still loves Christmas and has a great time. He loves seeing his family, he loves putting up the decorations, he loves helping me put presents in stockings and gift bags. He loves helping watching Christmas films even though he doesn’t believe.

BTW I’ve been to Lapland (not with son) & it’s honestly absolute garbage. The London Lapland is miles better. Or Centre Parc, Criedf Hydro etc.

Lapland, FFS! You really got sucked into the consumerisation of Christmas.

My children are a little bit older than yours. I have asked them this year if they want to do the usual expensive light trails, ice skating, Blenheim palace, panto etc and they have said they don't!!

Turns out those big ticket trips aren't their favourite 'magical' bits of Christmas at all. My kids favourite things are cheap as chips - decorating for Christmas (paper chains, paper snowflakes etc), watching Christmas films with hot chocolate as a family, baking cookies, creating a gingerbread house, walking around at nighttime with the dog to see houses lit up, frosty walks in the woods and boardgames.

So I haven't booked any big trips out this year and they are pleased and excited for our free activities.

Please take the pressure of yourself, you can still make it magical and they probably won't even mind they aren't doing the big days out. Be kind to yourself and have a lovely old school Christmas.

The big expensive stuff is overrated! Get some small stuff or some second hand things nicely wrapped. Charity shops in posher areas are worth a visit! Bake stuff, watch films etc. The fact that you obviously care so much makes me think your little ones are going to love Christmas this year!

They often have a moment of not believing and it seems to be common that whispers go round at about age 7. Then some kids continue to believe, others don’t.

When dd was 7 she told me some of the boys were saying Santa wasn’t real and she asked me to confirm by saying: he is, isn’t he? And I just confirmed yes because that’s what she wanted to hear. Then age 10 and year 6 about 1.5 months before Christmas she asked me to tell her the truth. So I did. And we went through a few memorable presents as she was incredulous I’d managed to source them all... because she thought only elves could do that. Then about a week later, she decided Santa was still real and I played along again. One last Christmas of believing… except I really don’t know what she believed at that point…

I get it. I went through the feelings you’ve got right now. But really either way, Christmas is still magical. And at 17, my dd is still into Christmas in quite a child like way.

We’re lucky enough to have no financial difficulties and we’ve not got anything booked because it’s just shitting money away. My husband and I have the full two weeks off. We will bake gingerbread men, we will go for walks, we will stay in our pyjamas until mid morning every day, we will do crafts, we have a big family party at the village hall (very DIY, everyone brings a dish, one uncle does the party games, there’s a raffle to pay for the hall hire next year, the a horde of 25 kids running riot. Costs each family about a tenner all in), we are national trust members so we will go see all the decorated properties. We will have hot chocolate every single day! The kids will have sleepovers with their cousins. It’s my favourite time of year and we rarely spend much on it besides the food. My husband and I don’t even exchange gifts!

Your kids will be fine.

I LOVE the sound of your Christmases. Bloody lovely.

Mine believed until 11, the summer before he went to high school. My daughter broke the spell as ‘he couldn’t possibly go to secondary believing in Santa’. He had no doubts and we live in multi-cultural London so loads of kids have never believed. Today we have put up the tree, had a warm mince pie and watched elf (no other free days in December to do it). Expense was the mulled wine for me!

I understand your worries OP but I can promise you that the magic and memories don't come from spending a lot of money. I have 5 adult children and we did lots of Christmas stuff, sometimes cheap, sometimes free, sometimes expensive and the stand out moments rarely happens at the expensive things. Favourite pantomimes are the local theatre ones as opposed to the professional ones. Seeing all the light displays outside of local houses. Going to A&E one boxing day and getting a present from Santa, the P.T.A grotto at school where Santa asked one of their friends what they wanted for Xmas and friend answered Turkey. Making gingerbread houses. The year that every single cracker mum pulled she only got the short bit and lastly the infamous (and embarrassing ) year we played one of those daft stocking filler games where you wore inflatable antlers and had to try and catch inflatable holly wreaths on them. When it was mum's turn as I moved to catch the wreath I accidentally farted that will never be forgotten.

The thing is, OP, that you are broke now - and I'm really sorry - that must be incredibly stressful, but you are already thinking of spending loads of money on a holiday next year. Wouldn't it be better to build up a saving fund so that you have a safety net?

No one hasd mentioned Norad tracks santa. https://www.noradsanta.org/en/#section-village. Live updates as Santa delivers gifts

My eldest is 6. Her favourite memories apparently are when father Christmas comes round the village on the back of a truck and evening walks to see what everyone's Christmas lights are on neighbours houses. We've done local light shows and panto but it's the free things that she remembers the most.

Op, they are all different! My dc still believes at 8, and understands thay everyone has different beliefs (e.g incase a nother kid at school says something). I always think the younger one finds out sooner sadly as they believe their sibling, even if you do walk it back.

Honestly just driving looking at lights, Christmas crafts (cards, tree decs, reindeer food etc), and festive baking - decorations cookies, winter walks, christmas museums/markets. There are so many things you can do for almost free, or very cheaply.

Oh and edited to say that if it makes you feel any better, we paid a bomb for a Christmas activity last year, and everyone bloody hated it. They're more excited at the thought of driving around looking at lights. It is the whole playing with the huge cardboard box, and not the toy scenario. Kids are happy with the small things that we think they won't be; it is us grown ups that make a fuzz trying to create a perfect Disney Christmas! You've got this op, and things will bet better!

There is plenty to do that is low cost. An evening walk to see lights in people’s gardens, local garden center lights, Christmas crafts, Christmas film nights, baking. Also, when it comes to writing a Christmas list I have also gently guided my DD towards certain things. It’s fine to say Father Christmas doesn’t bring PS5s or iPads or super expensive Lego etc.

Also, sorry to hear you’ve lost your business and I sincerely hope you are able to get back on track within the year but even if you are doing well don’t feel like you need to make up for is or go bigger and better. Lapland sounds fantastic don’t get me wrong but not within 18 months of losing your business.

For what it’s worth my DD is 10 and still believes. My plan has always been to keep the myth of Santa simple. He generally brings 3 or 4 reasonable gifts plus stocking. DD gets a couple of gifts from us too.