Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

I’m all ready to be on your side- but first I need to know why you need to know. Can’t he do it with his friend and without you?

I’m really confused. Why does he lie to you about running races?

Is he a habitual or compulsive liar who lies about other things too?

Doing something so someone else couldn't do it sounds like something my sister and I would have done to each other when we were about 12 - this is really odd behaviour in a marriage. I think it's must have missed the background, but I can't think what could possibly make it make sense! The 10k issue just compounds it rather than provides and explanation.

Just have a conversation.

Do this! 😄😄

I think a lot ofpeople are missing the point that this is a man who has proven himself to be dishonest, so of course the OP doesnt trust him. That he is actively preventing her from following his training as a fellow runner is a big red flag.

The red flag is that he has to prevent her from following him!

Obviously if he's pretending to be running to do something else, we get it, and that's not acceptable.

But it seems to be the case that he IS running. So why hiding the details.

The only reason I would hide my strava from my partner would be if he's bullying me or mocking me about my stats, or having an unreasonable strong opinion on my map - and I didn't want to hide my running map. Or if he was having a jealous fit because one of the men I follow and who follows me.

If he tells his partner he's going for a run, why would he have to hide the details? it's very weird.

I think a lot ofpeople are missing the point that this is a man who has proven himself to be dishonest, so of course the OP doesnt trust him. That he is actively preventing her from following his training as a fellow runner is a big red flag.

He also sounds selfish and organises his life as he wants it whilst assuming that OP will just step up to the jobs he doesnt want to do and provide childcare for his hobbies.

I dont think you will solve this @Sheepondrugs by booking the same marathon. I mean you will solve this one issue as you will have officially booked it before him so your plans stand, given that (assuming he has actually registered) he didnt tell you so it "wasnt on the calendar" before you registered.

But this isnt going to stop his deeply ingrained selfishness, and I am not sure than anything ever will. People like this never change ime, so basically you have a choice of either accepting this is the rest of your life, or ....not.

WHY would he hide his plans to run a marathon?

(Rightly or wrongly) what he is accusing you of?

Is he worried to be embarrassed if he pulled out at the last minute? Are you getting involved with his training?

It's such a bizarre thing to hide, why?

Skirting over how very odd this is all over, does the marathon not have a start list you can check to see if his name is on it?

Agree with this. Why all the cloak and dagger around running - why can't you just talk about it?

This seems like a very weird relationship dynamic. Him hiding a perfectly reasonable thing from you. You plotting to scupper his plans by secretly entering yourself for the same event (because no other running events have suitable weather ). It sounds exhausting and miserable tbh.

Just book yourself on it... Put it in the family calendar...
Although if its a long time away you'd be better putting your energy into divorcing as this is no way to live..
If ur not a team or can't talk to each other its not a relationship thats going to be good gor either of you or your kids.....

I think the reason he's so secretive is because the OP is either clingy or controlling or both.

Either way it sounds oppressive.

This is really weird, both of you.

What a strange dynamic. Did anything get resolved after the argument last time?

What a strange marriage dynamic. Either ask him or, if you seriously want to do the race then book it yourself?
Are you waiting for him to drop it on you so you can be the martyr? - looking after DC and not being able to do the race yourself.

DH and I both have hobbies, we also have 2 DC. We use the calendar and just check with each other that any plans don't clash. We don't keep a tally and we dont have 'days off' from the family.

What a marriage?! Competition if healthy and fun is fine but you seem to be trying to scupper his plan, gate crash his event and generally be “one up on him”. So what if he wants to do an event and heaven forbid it’s all his thing. So what if you have to look after your child on a day off you normally get. Aren’t you a team? I’m sure he’ll swap a day childcare for something you wanted to do if you ask. He’s obviously hiding it because he feels he can’t share it as maybe he knows you’d do this? Sit down and talk to him. Support him in something he wants to do without taking it over.

We'll have to disagree, op mentions the previous secrecy about his last run, which reads as to why she already had suspicions and wanted his strava. Not that the strava was the first time she has felt he's keeping things from her.

Op you're not wrong to be frustrated, I just dont understand why a conversation about plans for the year wouldn't resolve it?

My friends dh had form for this type of behaviour. She'd put things on the wall calender. He wouldn't and also wouldn't tell her he would be going out and then drop it on her at the last minute without any childcare so she'd either have to arrange something quickly or cancel her plans.They're divorced now.

Doing an entire fucking marathon just to get one over your partner is a new level of petty.

Obviously you can enter whatever you want, if it's something you want to do for yourself, but when your main motivation is to gazump your partner... whew.

You really hate him, don't you?

(FWIW it's likely he hasn't mentioned it yet because committing to train for a marathon isn't something normal people do lightly and they will usually build up to making that leap gradually.)

I think this too. Why is this a thing? Why you stalking him OP? Who cares if he's running or of he's signed up to run a marathon... what's the issue? Unless he's meeting a mistress and pretending?? Whats the issue

I don't think that is it. She requested to follow. He said no. She now thinks he is hiding something. When my DH and I used to do regular running (before we both managed to mingle knees and ankles) we would follow each other and chat about our relative progress. I would be both hurt, and suspicious at the secretiveness if I were OP.

That said, it does sound like most of this could be fixed with open communication. OP could say she wants to sign up for the event. Can he cover childcare/ do they need to make other plans. That's the opportunity for him to be honest.

That would be such a dick move.

Christ, just leave the poor man alone and let him do something for himself.

Sign up for another running event instead of tagging after him like a lost child.

Yes, but you've requested to follow him because you want to monitor his runs and confirm your suspicion he is training for a half marathon. That one of the odd parts, alongside his secrecy.
My husband and I are both on strava, we'll like each others efforts but neither of us are using it to track the others running plans.
What happens when you sit down and say "This is what's coming up over the next year, I want to do these ones. Which do you plan on doing?"

I’m married to an event plopper. He genuinely does decide last minute though, is wildly grateful that I pick up the slack and in turn does the same for me.

So my question is why is he so secretive and does he offer you the same flexibility? If not why not?

You won’t need Strava to track marathon training it will be evident from hours clocked up.