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Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

258 replies

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 17:22

My dh's school friend is running a marathon next year. I suspect dh is planning to run it with him , although he hasn't said this to me. But dh didn't accept my follow request on strava , which suggests to me that he has something to hide.

Those who look at my previous posts will see I had issues with my dh making a big charade about the Run Through website not letting him sign up when he already was registered and already secretly had a 10k booked. ( which has long been and gone) .

I was very angry about all that , but I'm using my energy to focus on my fitness and I'm gradually increasing my distance. I'm thinking of signing up to the same event, either the half or the full marathon as I want to the accomplishment of completing one myself.

The issue is dh is just going to magically expect me to be available for childcare that day , isn't he.

OP posts:
treesandsun · 29/11/2025 19:31

Heronwatcher · 29/11/2025 17:54

Ok well giving you the benefit of the doubt, if this is the only suitable event why haven’t you signed up already? Your DH’s friend has by the sounds of it?

This - if it is so perfect why haven't you signed up for it already and waited until you think your husband is secretly doing it to try and get him there first? seems like his friend has signed up for it You suspect he's signed up for it and now suddenly it's the most perfect event for you too.
You both seem to have an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. If he springs it on you last minute and it's not the day that you normally look after the kids then you say no and he'd have to arrange somebody else to do it. Has he not told you because he knows you're going t moan about it from now until the event?

DollydaydreamTheThird · 29/11/2025 19:29

Meredithwho · 29/11/2025 17:24

Just sign up and announce that you are doing it before he does and make childcare his problem!

Yes queen!

maxandru · 29/11/2025 19:29

Sign up to a different marathon - and make sure you get a faster time than him!!!!!

BringBackCatsEyes · 29/11/2025 19:28

Zempy · 29/11/2025 18:59

I’m really confused. Why does he lie to you about running races?

Is he a habitual or compulsive liar who lies about other things too?

IKR.
Runners LOVE to wang on about the fact they're run a race!

I am one, I am allowed to say this, but really try and keep it to within my running friends.

Picklemysink · 29/11/2025 19:28

Op this all seems really unhealthy.
Do you like being with this man?

notatinydancer · 29/11/2025 19:27

Sartre · 29/11/2025 17:42

Why are you playing odd games with one another? What is stopping both of you running this together anyway? Sounds like a nice thing to do!

Childcare

NemesisInferior · 29/11/2025 19:26

Running a marathon is not the issue here.

Your marriage is fucked if you can't communicate and work things like these out, without playing stupid games.

BringBackCatsEyes · 29/11/2025 19:26

It would be very hard to hide marathon training from your wife/rest of household regardless of being able to track on Strava.
If he wants to do a decent time he's going to be doing a lot of training, some of them pretty long. Will he just lie about where he is for 2 or 3 hours?

Clearly the issue isn't about who's running what race and doing what training, but trust, openness and equal free time to pursue your own interests.

He clearly doesn't respect you. And if you do similar to get back at him then it really smacks of a very unhealthy relationship.

AmberRose86 · 29/11/2025 19:23

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/11/2025 19:21

Why?

All the OP has done is be pissed off that last year (I remember the thread) he announced that he had "just" decided to do this run that iirc was that weekend. He assumed OP would cover the childcare without asking, and it turned out had lied in that he had booked it ages before. She has never tracked him or mistrusted him until his lies started to be uncovered. So now of course she doesnt trust him, he has form!

Would you trust someone who, you know for a fact, has lied to you over and over.

And if the OP is so bad then why stay with her?

Why is he lying though? Why is he feeling the need to lie about his running (assuming he isn’t cheating)?

Cover childcare without asking - are they not OP’s kids too? It seems very spiteful to deliberately make yourself unavailable for childcare so that your husband can’t do something he wants to do. Is it that much of a chore, spending a few extra hours with your kids?

ThejoyofNC · 29/11/2025 19:21

My God this is bizarre. Secret running. Staying with someone who you know tells bare faced lies. What on earth are you doing together?

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/11/2025 19:21

Herbisaurous · 29/11/2025 19:17

Can't say I blame him really

Why?

All the OP has done is be pissed off that last year (I remember the thread) he announced that he had "just" decided to do this run that iirc was that weekend. He assumed OP would cover the childcare without asking, and it turned out had lied in that he had booked it ages before. She has never tracked him or mistrusted him until his lies started to be uncovered. So now of course she doesnt trust him, he has form!

Would you trust someone who, you know for a fact, has lied to you over and over.

And if the OP is so bad then why stay with her?

BuddhaAtSea · 29/11/2025 19:21

Are you guys playing ‘it’ with your own kids?!!!

Herbisaurous · 29/11/2025 19:17

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:07

He was very careful to hide his all his 10k training. He was finishing early at work and showering at the gym . He has form for being deceitful.

Can't say I blame him really

Herbisaurous · 29/11/2025 19:17

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:07

He was very careful to hide his all his 10k training. He was finishing early at work and showering at the gym . He has form for being deceitful.

Can't say I blame him really

godmum56 · 29/11/2025 19:17

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/11/2025 19:16

Someone constantly pushing you out of their life and lying to you, whilst expecting you to facilitate them, will do that.

Like I said above, choose this life or another because it really is that simple.

this. Usual question from me. What does he bring to your life?

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/11/2025 19:16

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:12

There are aspects of his behaviour I have really come to dislike.

Someone constantly pushing you out of their life and lying to you, whilst expecting you to facilitate them, will do that.

Like I said above, choose this life or another because it really is that simple.

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:12

TidyCyan · 29/11/2025 17:56

You don't like each other very much, do you?

There are aspects of his behaviour I have really come to dislike.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/11/2025 19:10

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:07

He was very careful to hide his all his 10k training. He was finishing early at work and showering at the gym . He has form for being deceitful.

I’m struggling to understand his decision to be deceitful about something like this. Did he give you a reason?

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:10

Sartre · 29/11/2025 17:42

Why are you playing odd games with one another? What is stopping both of you running this together anyway? Sounds like a nice thing to do!

I think it would be a normal thing for a couple to share experiences together. But in our case , I always seem to be excluded.

OP posts:
Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:07

Notonthestairs · 29/11/2025 18:00

I’m married to an event plopper. He genuinely does decide last minute though, is wildly grateful that I pick up the slack and in turn does the same for me.

So my question is why is he so secretive and does he offer you the same flexibility? If not why not?

You won’t need Strava to track marathon training it will be evident from hours clocked up.

He was very careful to hide his all his 10k training. He was finishing early at work and showering at the gym . He has form for being deceitful.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 29/11/2025 19:06

AmberRose86 · 29/11/2025 19:05

Sorry, are you the Twits?

😂😂😂😂😂😂

AmberRose86 · 29/11/2025 19:05

Sorry, are you the Twits?

Sheepondrugs · 29/11/2025 19:04

Littlegreenpebbles · 29/11/2025 18:11

We'll have to disagree, op mentions the previous secrecy about his last run, which reads as to why she already had suspicions and wanted his strava. Not that the strava was the first time she has felt he's keeping things from her.

Op you're not wrong to be frustrated, I just dont understand why a conversation about plans for the year wouldn't resolve it?

Edited

From his previous, I have no guarantee a conversation would get honest answers.

OP posts:
Greggsit · 29/11/2025 19:04

It sounds like you only want to do the marathon to catch out/piss off your husband, not for your own benefit. It just sounds like a shit relationship m

Howtogetthrough · 29/11/2025 19:03

There's got to be more to this.

Two people who don't even seem to like each other. The secrecy and deceit on the part of the H. And the mistrust on the part of OP.

As someone up thread said it's such a miserable way to live. Really depressing.