Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

I'd divorce.
I can not be bothered with someone being so secretive.
Running or shagging? Fuck knows.

This is a bit of an odd dynamic. OP if he can be deceitful over something as small as running, don't you worry that he must lie about other things too?

Chill out. It’s not complicated. Just say you are planning to do a half marathon on x day and start training for it.

If you want to run this particular marathon do it. You/DH speak to grandparents to cover if that’s needed.

But for your own sanity don’t mimic his behaviour and hide it. Flipping revel in it - get your supporters lined up. Get a training plan. Join a club.

It shouldn’t be something you take on to punish him but only to boost you. It sounds like you could enjoy it.

Hey husband I'm thinking about signing up for x marathon if I do will you be OK to have the kids that day? If he says yes book it. If it transpires that he is doing it later on he can figure out who is going to look after them instead.

He obviously wants to just do this event with his friend and not you. If you force your presence no one will enjoy the day surely? Run anywhere else??

You have the most bizarre relationship.

Competitive, secretive, not much of a partnership vibe or support at all from what you're saying.

My first thought is that a partner not wanting to be followed on Strava when you're both into fitness is having an affair, hiding his routes. Sorry maybe that's far fetched, but I honestly cannot comprehend your and his main concern is marathon prep and hiding it from each other, this is just bonkers.

1. If you want to do a running event, enter whichever one you want.
2. Tell DH you’re doing it.
3. If for some perverse reason you’ve chosen to enter the same event you think he has, then have the argument about who gets to do it.
4. Alternatively, enter a different event, and discuss with him the fact that you both like running and should plan together the events you each want to do, so you can support each other instead of getting into a death match over who signed up for what first without telling the other.

I don’t tell ANYONE when I entered a big event wanted to be sure I could do it and see how training went before i announced it

problem is unless you enter well in advance by the time you’d work out you could do it there’d be no places

This whole thing sounds weird - why don't you just suggest the kids go go to the grandparents?

Honestly though I'd call it a day then you can each have every other weekend to focus on your training and bang out a sub 3 marathon no bother, sounds like you hate each other anyway.

Why do you want to stay with this man OP? You don't trust him and it's obviously very dysfunctional if he's lying to you about running and you're planning to sabotage him. This can't be making either of you happy.

This is seemingly an incredible toxic relationship. What utterly childish nonsense. Who in their right mind behaves like this? You're both as bad as each other.

You have a hobby you both enjoy (often rare in a marriage) but instead of sharing it amicably (how cool to have a similar hobby) you decide to do this weird crap of mind games and “who can play the other one for childcare”. Weird.

A runner that doesn’t talk about races booked/training plans and bang on about gels and electrolytes? What sort of half arsed runner is this man?

Why do you have to follow him on Strava? You can say you’ll have the kids that day and all cheer him on at the finish. Then you enter for a similar event another weekend and he does the same for you.

If you can't have a basic conversation where you say you want to do the marathon in June, and he says he wants to do the half in October without him lying, why are you with him?

Its one thing for him to say he wanted to keep his run quiet because he was nervous about it like on your previous thread, another to say you cant trust a simple conversation about as yet unmade future plans because of dishonesty.

Well why is he lying? WHo knows.

And dont make ridiculous comments about not wanting to spend time with her kids. You know full well that that isnt the issue. Its about him assuming that a) he can simply drop an event on her and walk away b) that she hasnt made any prior plans herself and c) if she has that she must cancel because he has decided he is doing this thing. No discussion, no courteous "do you mind if I do X on Yday?" nothing.

He is a selfish liar. Why? Who knows? Who cares? The fact is that the OP is being treated like staff, with none of the pay.

Does he think that if he tells you, you're going to insist on training together? Or get weirdly competitive?

It seems like he wants to have a hobby of his own that doesn't involve you or the family. That doesn't sound unreasonable to me. Ask yourself honestly why he doesn't feel comfortable telling you about the race.

I remember your posting before, OP and I'm wondering why you're still with him.

@Sheepondrugs does he lie about other stuff? Or just about running?

Do you know why he lies?

Yes but why was he so secretive?
Because as someone has already pointed out this is very unusual behaviour for runners who generally wang on about training plans.

So something else is going on between you two.