Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

What a boring thread about an insecure woman stalking strava and a man who feels he can't be honest about his running.

Actual shit. Op updates boring. I wouldnt friend you on strava. You'd probably be commenting like "you said you were running around this block why lie as you have clearly ran around that block". Get a hobby.

Yes I agree. I am finding this a baffling thread op. The levels of game-playing are stratospheric. It's like a version of Roald Dahl's The Twits but with registering for marathons instead of worms in spaghetti.

I think the run/ babysitting is the least of your troubles. You need to address the issue of both going behind each other's back in this very weird way or you are signing up to a life of conflict and miscommunication.

“DH, I’d really like to run in one of the events on X.”

DH- “Oh, I was going to do the marathon on that day- I didn’t want to announce it in case I wasn’t fit enough 😬.”

”Should we arrange childcare? We could both run- that would be ace!”

”Yeahhh!”

I really dont get this weird controlling thing over him running and needing to follow him/his runs? Why can't he enter a marathon if he wants to? We've both done marathons and my husband has got back into it this last year or so having had a few years off when jobs/kids/life just got in the way. I think it's fantastic he's back into it, he's fitter, healthier and seems happier. I'd be encouraging him to enter and have no interest in viewing my husband's splits, he does like to report them when he gets back anyway!

There are loads of marathons and other running events most months, I don't understand why you can't both have a running hobby and sign up for a marathon. Do different marathons if you don't have childcare.

This!

This. I've signed up for a half marathon next year having just returned to running after two babies. I'm only just getting comfortable with 5kms again and want to see how I get on training before telling anyone. Keeping it to myself keeps the pressure off until I'm more confident. I also really enjoy running alone. I do it to clear my head, often on a whim so I wouldn't necessarily want to run with my husband every time and I really don't think he'd care either way.

ask him if he’s planning to do the marathon / already signed up.

when he says no you reply “brill because I’d love to do it so I think I’ll sign up and that means you and the DC can come cheer for me and your friend X!”

job done.

Which marathon is it?

Am I missing something? Why is he training in secret? Why would he do that?

Yep

I could never live like this.

This is hilarious. You think your husband is secretly training for a marathon behind your back? Why are you in the sort of relationship where that would even be a thing? Wouldn’t he just tell you he’s thinking of doing a marathon and vice versa? Why the need for such competitive hobbying??

No he isnt. But he seems to think that he is.

So if he is acting like her boss by randomly dropping random things on her with little or no notice and simply expecting her to facilitate them, she should respond in kind.

If you both run don’t you already have him on Strava? Are you sure he’s not hiding something else?

This is shameful but when I was much younger I had a thing with a married man and we used to go running together all the time.

just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me, I have an appointment”

Hes her husband, not her boss 😕

As he's really running, he's trying desperately to avoid you - because he really has nothing to hide.

Maybe think carefully about your behaviour, and try to see it from an outside perspective.

It sounds like whatever your doing/ saying is enough to make him go well away from you. Either you intrude on his races, or you are embarrassing him, or you are unpleasant.

It's not normal behaviour. I don't know many couples, maybe 1? , who run at the same pace and can do events together, I know none who hide from each other, that's nuts

But imagine you had something you really wanted to do, and you couldn’t do it because the child’s other parent wouldn’t have the kids to let you do it.

Regardless of sex, that’s not a partnership. That’s not teamwork. That’s a joke.

Like, obviously it’s the right thing to check that the other is free etc but it’s still harsh to actively stop another adult from doing something because it doesn’t suit you.

Parents should check in with each other before booking any event which requires the other to be responsible for the children. It’s rude to just assume!

Tell him you would like to book a run on X date so he will need to have the kids, is X date ok? This may prompt him… if not and he comes at you with a last minute request down the line, just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me, I have an appointment”

I would hate to be in a relationship like this. Sounds unbearable.

Or it could be said if someone feels the need to lie about something small does the othet person give them reason too, we only know an op version of how another person is acting

What a strange relationship you have!!

But if you wanted to do it then why didn't you? Why wait for him to want to do it then try and beat him to the punch? This all sounds very petty to me.

Wouldn't it make sense to make a list of marathons you guys would be interested in and split them so both get to run and support each other and even do some together and arranged childcare ?

But this is a non problem. You declare up front ‘doing the marathon… you’re on childcare duty’ and then as he hasn’t told you he’s doing the same, he’ll have to agree or sort something out.

Yes, agree with all of this. It’s such a strange dynamic.

He has form for being deceitful.

OK, well, here's the actual problem, not the game-playing marathon nonsense.

He's lied to you. You don't trust him. So your options are

• leave
• resign yourself to this bizarre and unenjoyable game-playing for the rest of your life (or until you leave)
• (or find a way to trust him again, though it seems he needs to take the lead on that one)