Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

This! Why do people keep referring to 'childcare'. Is it so beyond the pale that OP may be responsible for her children one Sunday next year?

Seems to be because this couple dislike each other so much they take a day each on a weekend away from their spouse and kids to avoid seeing each other.

The event is on "his day" to parent. What a life.

I think OP this is the post you needed to write first, but I guess sometimes it takes us a while to work through to the nub of things.

I don't think this is really about running, which is making you sound controlling over a small issue; it's about the fact you feel he isn't really "in" the relationship anymore, and the issue you have posted about is one example of that - and that IS a reasonable thing to be concerned about. Have you got other examples?

I thought this was going to be about an affair with his running partner and he didn’t want you to see 😂

But you think its OK for you to enter first, without discussing it with him. Why the double standards?

Your childcare arrangements need to give you both equal ability and access to the running events you both want to participate in. If they've been arranged in such a way that you are free to enter events and he needs your permission to, then that's deeply unfair and very controlling.

Being so disproportionqtely upset that he doesn't want you tracking all his runs via Strava also suggests you are controlling.

What a weird thing to be deceitful over

If you really want to do it, then book it and tell him

But your marriage doesn't sound harmonious

How would it work if you suggest you both enter it? And kids go to grandparents? Straight up “us” thinking to model good behaviour to your manchild? I have an obsessive runner too - he once went to an expensive concert on a weekend running event (it’s a mumsnet outing style running related sport 🤣🤣) that I would not have minded at all but he felt guilty at admitting he was having so much fun while I was home with kids, we laugh about this all the time now. So just call it out in a friendly style.

also, are his runs only visible to followers? As he has secretive form I can understand he might, but there are people I look up from time to time out of nosiness that are open to all.

So why on earth are you with him if you come up with all these conspiracies about him

Just enter the race. Then tell him you have entered as he is free to watch the DC.
If he says anything, point out that he should have told you he was doing it but as he didn't, you decided to try it.
Don't let him know that it was a revenge entry.....just do it and enjoy the run.

You come across as though you think that your DP has to ask you permission to do anything and you need to oversee every detail of his life. That's not "thinking in terms of us", it's being controlling.

Op you sound very angry about the general balance of leisure time Vs childcare in your relationship. Neither partner behaves like this in a healthy relationship. You may think you are perfectly entitled to this passive aggressive tit for tat manner but frankly it's low road and petty.

Exactly.

What you're talking about there is not a marriage. It's office politics. There's no affection in your approach. It's just strategy to get what you want before your colleague can get what he wants.

And if he's doing much the same sort of thing - and it sounds as if he is - I'd suggest that you both give up the time you put into running and spend it on counselling.

A 10k wouldn't have been much out of your family time. Why were you annoyed about it? Why can't he tell you things?
Not sure why there is so much sneakiness.
In my house the convo would be: DH- I am thinking of doing the 10k but it's a bit of training so would it be OK? I know you would be alone with the kids.
Me- Go for it. It's not forever.

Day of the race:
Me- Have fun. We will come to X point to cheer you on. Love you.

Why is it OK if OP secretly books herself into a marathon, but a terrible crime if her DH does the same?

If there are events they both want to go to, they are both equally entitled to go. They need to decide (together) whether to take it in turns, or both go and arrange for babysitter. They simply need to have a conversation.

OP sounds controlling, spiteful and rather unhinged to me.

Stop focusing on the running. You both need to learn to communicate better and stop this silly tit for Tat. If you want your marriage to survive then it’s very important.

Talk to him today @Sheepondrugs and say that you are signing up for the marathon, ask if you should sign him up at the same time.

Arrange childcare together, make a weekend of it.

The duplicity is strange, disrepectful and destabilising. I think maybe you should go to relationship counselling to get to the bottom of it.

What is his relationship with women generally? What are his parents and friendship group like? Is there a lot of segregation and 'getting one over' on the opposite sex?

Oh god not all this again!!