Dh won't let me follow his strava , I think he is secretly training for a marathon,. Should I enter too?

I still think it is.

We're on an internet forum. I base my answers on the information given. I can't base it on anything else. On the basis of the information given by OP, she's very controlling. I suspect her reaction to being disagreed with might be similar/identical to yours, which is unacceptably agressive, and trying to shut down opinions other than your own by belittling and insulting.

That's so offensive. I go every week (alongside three other types of exercise) and my zumba class burns over 600kcal without a fail. There are four men attending out of 25 attendees and they are struggling even though they are all fit, and runners. But of course you're top of the pops, the next Mo Farah, aren't you. Nothing better than to put other women down for looking after themselves just because it suits your weird, narrow-minded vision of the world. You should go for your run and become a nicer person.

The thought that people can't see abusive behaviour in front of their own eyes breaks my heart.

Your (unjustified) insults don't bother me by the way.

But OP doesn't need to ask his permission. Apparently it's OK for her to book the event (or any event) without asking him, but him doing the same is unacceptable, and requires her authorisation..

The Premium days (the running event days) should be equally shared between them. OP shouldn't expect to have first dibs. Nor should she feel that she has the right to grant or withhold permisson.

She is, based on her own telling of accounts, controlling and abusive.

Nope. Balanced response based on the facts given by OP in the thread. HTH.

Eh? If he’s entering events willy nilly and just assuming that she will do the necessary childcare for both the training and the event, then he is being an arse, rather than she is being controlling. These things need discussion and open communication, which is not going on here. My husband and I have been juggling running events between us and childcare commitments for a decade. Never have either one of us entered something in secret. It’s not that OP’s DH needs to ask permission per se, just that any reasonable couple would have a conversation about what events he wants to do and what events she wishes to do. That doesn’t seem to be happening on either side.

Is anyone suggesting he's saying she can't run for a hobby? Pretty sure OP hasn't said that.

She's saying he can't take part in running events (without seeking her permission), which is absolutely controlling and abusive.

The fact he takes part in a hobby doesn't give him any authority to say she can't do it too. Especially with something like running .

Strava or no strava, how does one train in secret for a marathon? That's a lot of running many times per week, it's really difficult to do it without your spouse noticing.

It’s clear that OP is upset but being upset doesn’t mean you aren’t abusive. OP sounds very controlling. Her husband hiding his strava sounds very much like he wants to keep his hobby for himself and she is gatecrashing. My partner is an ultra runner, he’s very open about it and likes me to go along for support but the training runs are something he does to clear his head, it really supports his mental health. If that’s the case for OP’s husband then there’s no way he wants her muscling in on his hobby.

I don't think op is being abusive at all . She is obviously very hurt and her trust issues are understandable, given the circumstances.

I think I understand how she feels , my dh knew I was interested in doing something, he went and did it and lied about it . It broke me .
I'd feel rejected if I requested to follow someone I knew well and they didn't accept.

I also don't see why it's a problem to suddenly decide to run a marathon when you hear someone else you know is . That's often where inspiration comes from .

Nope, not even slightly. Both partners should have equal access to the main events of their shared hobby. OP is very clear that she can book it as she desires with no checking with him, however he needs to seek her permission, That's simply not reasonable. She's controlling and abusive.

You're very competitive with each other!

Hard disagree. OP is displaying really controlling, abusive behaviour. And that's on her account of it.

His behaviour is so odd. I run, and my DH runs. We follow and tag each other on Strava, because why wouldn’t we follow each other on Strava? The whole point of it unless your profile is locked down is to follow people you know to share runs and exercise. If my DH deleted me from his Strava but kept everyone else I’d be very confused. Even more confused if he secretly booked a 10k or any race without asking me if I fancied it too. We trained for our halves and marathon together because it’s a nice thing for a couple with a mutual hobby to do? The OP’s DH is acting so suspiciously and she isn’t being controlling at all.

Since he's got form for this bizarre behaviour and won't engage in conversation when you've tried then yes, you should sign up and then tell him.

Talk to him about you both doing it together and find someone else to mind the kids. You’re both acting ridiculous

Sadly people in abusive, controlling relationships do often have to resort to "deceit" because they can't have normal reasonable conversations with their partners without fear of repercussions. And their abusers then use the "deceit" as an excuse to up the levels of control and abuse.

There are definitely communication gaps here. My DH and I are both runners, follow each other on Strava, both like doing events and have open discussions about what are our own priority events for the year and we negotiate if we both have the same priority event. How would it go if you sat him down and told him your priority events and asked him what his were?