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Original poster

DD and Friend hurt me yet I’m in the wrong?

356 replies

FoxPj · 29/11/2025 13:15

DD had a friend over for a sleepover last night, they are 12. During the course of the night one or both of them wrote a “horror” message on the bathroom mirror which was a shock when I went in and saw it. I went in to speak to them both and DD screamed that I was embarrassing for crying. The friend looked shocked like she’d never seen an adult show emotion before and said they had done it to her mum too who had found it funny. She did apologise but added “it’s only lipstick, it wipes off easy”. DD then stormed out and told DH that I was embarrassing her and DH has taken their side saying it was a harmless prank and I need to lighten up.
Feeling so upset today. I thought DH would at least back me up.

OP posts:
murasaki · 29/11/2025 13:34

Wouldwoodknot · 29/11/2025 13:31

I’m guessing it was “Redrum”? Could have been “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”, though that seems less likely.

Do you not think crying was an overreaction?

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I'd be annoyed with 'all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy' as that would take a metric fuckton of lipstick. And then ignore it.

Redrum, meh. I'd laugh and ignore it. And not embarrass my child.

ForMyNextTrickIWillMakeThisVodkaDisappear · 29/11/2025 13:34

You cried at REDRUM but didn’t know the context because you’ve never watched The Shining? I smell bullshit. But if it isn’t then your kid is going to have the pissed ripped out of her.

Bundleflower · 29/11/2025 13:34

FoxPj · 29/11/2025 13:33

It wasn’t red rum, it was spelt the other way in awful writing. When I first say it my immediate reaction was terror until I realised the kids must have done it.

I can’t understand why you would have felt terror? Did you think a monster had done it?
I’m starting to think this is a wind up.

tripleginandtonic · 29/11/2025 13:34

CrowMate · 29/11/2025 13:19

Gosh, I think you’re being unreasonable here. To have cried in front of your daughter’s friend over a silly prank will have embarrassed her. You should have regulated yourself before speaking with them.
The poor friend must have been very uncomfortable.

As a parent of a 12 year old, I would not be allowing my daughter to stay at your house again.

That's as OTT a reaction as OPs

CosyBungalow · 29/11/2025 13:34

Terror ?????????

Palourdes · 29/11/2025 13:34

FoxPj · 29/11/2025 13:26

Well as I’ve never seen the shining I didn’t immediately know it was from a film.

Well, I’ve never seen The Shining, or indeed any other film that is even mildly frightening (or violent, because I am a complete wuss), but if a lipstick message appeared on my bathroom mirror when my 12 year old was having a friend on a sleepover, I’m pretty sure I’d guess who put it there immediately and probably play along with things by screaming.

(Before saying ‘You’d better not have used my favourite no-longer-manufactured’ one.)

legalseagull · 29/11/2025 13:34

Your poor daughter must have been mortified.

Thinkingaloud85 · 29/11/2025 13:34

Is crying at the bathroom mirror the new screaming in the Sistine Chapel? 😂

Original poster
FoxPj · 29/11/2025 13:33

It wasn’t red rum, it was spelt the other way in awful writing. When I first say it my immediate reaction was terror until I realised the kids must have done it.

OP posts:
Untailored · 29/11/2025 13:33

I don’t understand why you found it so upsetting when you didn’t even know what it meant.

wfhwfh · 29/11/2025 13:33

i can understand you being scared (i think i would have been) but why did you go into the girls’ room and start crying at them when you obviously knew it was them by that point?

I’d have spoken to your daughter on her own once her friend had left. Now you've involved the friend who is bound to share your behaviour with her parents who may not like it.

Best to self-regulate before getting third parties involved - especially other people’s children

cannotmakedecisions · 29/11/2025 13:33

I’m struggling to work out how something that was clearly a prank caused such a reaction that you cried in front of your DD and her friend. Also you actively sought them out to confront them whilst you were crying?!
Im quite sensitive and jump easily, but this is a massive overreaction!

CosyBungalow · 29/11/2025 13:32

Good grief OP.... I hope for your sake there's never any real drama in your life... if you were my mum id have nicknamed you Tiny Tears

Wouldwoodknot · 29/11/2025 13:31

FoxPj · 29/11/2025 13:23

It was something from the shining apparently. I don’t watch horror films and don’t appreciate them being forced on me.

I’m guessing it was “Redrum”? Could have been “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”, though that seems less likely.

Do you not think crying was an overreaction?

DarkForces · 29/11/2025 13:31

FoxPj · 29/11/2025 13:26

Well as I’ve never seen the shining I didn’t immediately know it was from a film.

But you knew it was them being silly which is why you confronted them. You didn't think for a second it was serious so what were you sobbing about?

BeaRightThere · 29/11/2025 13:31

AppleXmasMagic · 29/11/2025 13:29

Then why were you scared??

If you had no idea what it was then why would the word redrum bring you to tears.??

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Exactly. I don't believe this.

Brefugee · 29/11/2025 13:31

tbh, thinking about it, the best reaction is no reaction.

Then, in passing, "don't forget to clean the bathroom mirror" and just carry on as though nothing happened.

murasaki · 29/11/2025 13:31

Wet lettuce is exactly the phrase.

BeaRightThere · 29/11/2025 13:31

celandiney · 29/11/2025 13:28

Not a harmless prank though, because it upset OP.
And it may be useful for her DD to learn that actions have consequences, in this case a joke that misfired but it's the same lesson as banter - if the other person isn't laughing you shouldn't have said it....

If this is real, which I doubt, how did it upset her? She says she's never seen The Shining so why would her reaction, upon entering the bathroom and seeing REDRUM written in lipstick on the mirror., be to cry? Surely she would feel confused and possibly irritated at having to clean it off, but why would she jump to any conclusion other than this was kids messing about?

Bundleflower · 29/11/2025 13:30

celandiney · 29/11/2025 13:28

Not a harmless prank though, because it upset OP.
And it may be useful for her DD to learn that actions have consequences, in this case a joke that misfired but it's the same lesson as banter - if the other person isn't laughing you shouldn't have said it....

Are you OPs lipstick?

BasicBrumble · 29/11/2025 13:30

I'll go against the grain and say if you're old enough to pull a prank on someone, you should be old enough to know it can go wrong. It was designed to scare, and it did. Though it 'shouldn't' according to many, doesn't mean it didn't in the moment for the OP. She might have been tired, emotional, whatever.

Big hugs OP. I actually think her first thought should have been saying sorry for scaring you.

calanaiscailleach · 29/11/2025 13:30

This can’t be real Confused

AppleXmasMagic · 29/11/2025 13:29

FoxPj · 29/11/2025 13:26

Well as I’ve never seen the shining I didn’t immediately know it was from a film.

Then why were you scared??

If you had no idea what it was then why would the word redrum bring you to tears.??

AlwaysTheRenegade · 29/11/2025 13:29

murasaki · 29/11/2025 13:27

I'd read the book by then, although not seen the film. The book is way scarier. I was a horror nut by 12 though. Grew out of it though.

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The book is so much scarier!

Hairylegs202S · 29/11/2025 13:29

I'm quite sensitive to jump scares, and my DCs find it hilarious that I will literally jump in my seat at the scary bits in a film - and scary for me Jurassic Park type films, I don't go scarier.

I think your DD and DH are being nasty to you. If your daughter's friend is close enough to have a sleep over she shouldn't be gossiping about you in svhool, if she does tease your DD about it in front of her friends, your DD can agree that you're very easy to scare, and that it makes it really easy to play pranks on you. It's not shameful!

I hope your DD and friend wiped it off and didn't leave it to you to do.