Brother-in-Law’s new baby

You’ve joined a family that doesn’t share your hang ups when it comes to acknowledging half siblings, and that freely uses the term. You’re not going to be able to prevent either of your children being exposed to it. Your reality may not be your ideal one, but it is nonetheless your reality. You’re not going to be able to change it into the one you wish you had, and you’d be best served coming to terms with that fact.

That your daughters are half siblings doesn’t make their relationship somehow lesser, and it isn’t some shameful thing that must be hidden. By being sensitive and giving it negative connotations you run the risk of passing that complex onto your eldest, which is something that’s unlikely to be helpful to her. It’s not like she doesn’t know that she and her sister don’t share the same parents and paternal family. She does. So don’t teach her that it’s a source of shame.

I’d image you’re upset because your DH doesn’t step up to his family. He could say to his family that his step-daughter is as his own to him and he would be in the photos with both daughters or no photo at all. But he doesn’t, that’s the way he feels and he won’t change and it’s up to you to accept this or be always upset about it

Are you upset about not meeting the baby or your daughter being excluded?!

@mumsnet have told me to be nicer with my posts so I will just have to offer you support for your terrible views 💐💐💐

She isn't actually related to their family. And they DO include her, just not the level OP demands.

@ThatRubyMoose why do you not like the term 'half-sister'?

By turning up you're just trying to create drama. Again.

You are the only one with a problem with this. They do not and will not see your older daughter as part of their family. There is nothing you can do about this. Accept it and move on.

Or go nuclear and bust up your family over it.

It's not a secret it's a surprise for mil. Tbh sounds like a fair plan. Meet the baby another time when your eldest hasn't a party. Sorry I don't see anything wrong with what your dh is doing

Because theyre repeatedly leaving her daughter out of their family

So leave her dh, break up the family, see youngest only 50:50 now because unrelated step family aren’t doing what op wants?

You’re the only het up about the half sibling thing. The girls had no problem with it.

Your issues are yours surrounding a perfectly normal term. If you didn’t want half sibling children you shouldn’t have created a family that has them.

Why did you turn up OP? Were you looking for an argument? It doesn't 'induce ire' I just can't see why you'd do it other than to start a row or to feed your own grievance about this. There was no reason for you to go other than to cause drama.

What are you so confused about? There's a difference between being excluded and not being included.
It's a picture of mils grandchildren. She isn't mils grandchild. Do you not follow?

But she is blood of her sister. Why should she be excluded?

Only to each other. Older isn't related to her half sisters family

OP your kids should know what a half sister is when they have one. You're not doing them any favours here

OP’s two children are blood relatives though. Why should her elder dd be excluded?

But people cheat, abuse etc and then you end up with photos you can't put on display, because we don't cut off blood relatives for doing so, but wouldn't upset our child by having a picture of their ex, as numerous threads on here show. I've treated children who've come into the family like grandchildren, to never see them again when their Mothers have moved on. I don't want reminding via photos.

Is this the poster who also posted about the husband's family taking a theatre trip and going out for meals without her eldest daughter?

If so, tbh, I completely agree with you.

The wider family are being unnecessarily thoughtless about it but the OP has become so obsessed with every little thing her husband's family does/arranges that I don't think she has a handle on what is fair or reasonable anymore.

And, asuch as anything, everyone says the same on every thread and the OP does nothing to change it.

I would say this sums it up

You're thinking of a different anecdote on the same thread. The one I'm talking about here didn't involve OP saying anything at all.

But yes, ultimately the only people who actually had any choice about creating this situation are OP and DH, neither of whom had any reason to believe DD1 would be treated the same as any other children, and DH doesn't appear unduly concerned. As OP has been told a lot of times now, either this is a deal breaker for you or it isn't. For as long as it isn't, the only agency she has here is whether to give her eldest a complex about it or not. The family that she married into are what they always were, and made no secret of.

How many people could put their hand on their heart and say that they feel exactly the same way about their step-child as they do their own biological child?
I suspect (hope?) very few, if any. So why is it so unreasonable for grandparents (who had no say in who their child married first or second time around) to feel that their biological grandchildren are special? And want some pictures of their biological descendants?
Of COURSE, no one would expect step-children to be treated unkindly and at birthdays/Christmas should be included in gift-giving etc..
But I don't think it's unreasonable for inheritance and (some, not all) photos to be for "blood" family.

I did. IIRC the cousins, who also had step and half siblings, didn’t take the piss, they were just confused as to what OP’s problem was with acknowledging the different family relationships.

It isn’t up to the in laws to find a ‘middle ground’, it’s on her to come to terms with the decisions she freely made. They were very clear regarding their stance from the beginning, same as her husband was. She could have walked away then, but instead she chose to accept it. She doesn’t now get to demand that the entire family change to suit her.

Wow. When sil and I got the dc together for a surprise pic for ils my dd was on it.
Bloody nasty not to imo.