Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

I don’t buy the factual argument. Lots of things are factual regarding how people look, but we don’t point these things out as it’s fucking rude and it might hurt someone.

I’m menopausal with fine hair, so can totally relate. He shouldn’t have mentioned exe’s hair though, but I don’t think it wasn’t meant in a malicious way.

Ooh, how interesting. I say things that get to you, and you respond with a load of self justification, insults and far too many emojis for a zen and unruffled person. Tell me, why are you choosing to be offended and why, now that you're the subject of it, am I not simply being "alternative"?

Or more to the point, why do you think women should take insulting shit from men and blame themselves for it?

So go with your intuition and actually walk out on him. Otherwise he will chip away at your self confidence with horrible comments like this until you accept anything

You are funny 🤣🤣 and would appear to have an inflated ego if you think you have the power to ‘get to me’, and more, need to say so. Feel free to carry on. 🍿🥸

Following it up with a comment about an ex with thick, lush hair? That’s going beyond a (tactless) observation. YANBU.

Why bother to have him in your life?

My hair is thin as well (thyroid issues), but
I wouldn't have a man commenting on it.
In fact, my husband of 20 years insists the hair is "normal".

He’s 💯 not the one for you.

guarantee he will turn into a complete prick

I too have fine and thin hair; made worse by menopause. Everyone admires a woman ( or man, come to that) who has an abundant amount of hair, curly gets extra 'points' with some admirers. Fine hair is a challenge, for those who have it and those who style it. Your 'date' was blunt in saying that, maybe he's the factual type who talks before thinking, or maybe he's one of those who looks at the outside package before opening it. I don't think you were BU to feel hurt, it's a fact, but one that didn't need his critical comment. If he can criticise your hair ffs, what next will he be be critically analysing?

And add I once had a boyfriend with an enormous one.

Nothing to stop you feeling hurt, that's down to you how you've interpreted what he said.
But it's an observation he made which by your own admission is true.
So yes YABU.@

YANBU when it refers to him talking about his ex.

Men are usually pretty sensitive about hair and hair loss, so I would be surprised if he was just being factual and was unaware that his comments were hurtful. The fact that he's said similar before does sound like it could be deliberate. TBH it would be a massive turn off to me.

I had a female friend who did this to me years ago, starting very occasionally and building up to a couple of times a week. It was demoralising and bewildering that someone who supposed to care about me would do his. I can imagine that coming from your partner it must be horrible.

Sounds like my post got to you. You should work on yourself. It would be very alternative of you to let me carry on telling you all the other things I get from your posts that I've not actually mentioned without any kind of reaction like this that shows how stung you are. Shall I?

Exactly - its the comparison that is the issue. Not the initial comment.

My hair is very fine. It is what it is, and no more ‘insulting’ to state this as fact, than it would be to observe I am short, or I have no eyebrows. We have a choice to be offended, or not, and it is all about context. We are all different, and the apparent lack of awareness regarding neurodivergence, as discrete from being deliberately judgemental and rude, is telling. It is also entertaining that some folk get their knickers in a knot when others merely suggest an alternative way of looking at things.

He sounds like an arsehole. Next!

Yes it would be funny if it weren’t so depressing 🙄

OP, get yourself on Burned Haystacks Dating Method (BHDM) for women. I'm betting this guy wouldn't get past the initial screen for the red flags. He's a thoughtless at best, negging at worst, idiot.

In mid-life we all need kindness and tact, men and women alike. Our bodies are a bit wrinkly, saggy and just not quite what we would hope, and accepting that and championing our best bits is what mid-life dating should be all about. If my partner said this I would be crestfallen indeed, but my guess is this is part of a wider pattern of him not treating you amazingly well and bigging you up in general. He obviously doesn't care about losing you either...

I mean, it's quite something isn't it. Man is egregiously rude and hurtful to his girlfriend, telling her how his ex was better, and some bright spark not only expects us to believe he wasn't trying to make her feel bad, but also thinks the answer is for the woman to work on herself. It would be alternative.

I don’t need to raise my bar thank you! We all have our own perception of what’s insulting. I don’t think he meant it as an insult. Tactless yes, insulting no.

Of course it's not OK, especially in comparison with an ex and at a point in the relationship when he should think you're Kiera Knightleys more beautiful sister.

In the last month I've lost half my hair due to serious illness in the summer. My DH of many years tells me every day that he thinks I'm beautiful, always has and always will. When you feel like a fat version of Gollum, it does help. Don't settle for someone who undermines you OP, it won't get better.

I'll never cease to be amazed at all the ways there are to market getting women to put up with shitty behaviour. Now they should work on not being offended when men insult them because it's alternative thinking.

Very tactless, OP. No one wants to hear comments about their appearance that aren't complimentary and if he doesn't realise that, he's quite lacking in social intelligence.
If you plan to stay with him, you'll have to develop a thick skin as there's more where that came from and he's probably the type to use the 'it's just the truth' defence when tackled on the subject.

How is his male pattern baldness doing?

The reference to a previous partner was dreadful.

Tell him how out of order he was.

Raise your bar. Why would you be ok with someone making an insulting comment? Even if it is 'just factual' why bother pointing it out?