Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

It sounds like he’s deliberately “negging” you - something sad men do to take women down a peg! I mean, there’s tactlessly pointing out a fact and there’s pointing out a fact and then comparing you unfavourably with another woman…. 🤮

I mean come on, it's just rude. It's like saying to someone oh you've got a lot of wrinkles haven't you- it may be factually correct but why on earth would you say it? Add in the comparison to the ex and he's just taking the piss.

What if you were conventionally ugly. Or fat. And he said oh you’re conventionally ugly or you’re fat. It’s horrible to say you can see someone’s scalp through their hair. It’s not necessary.

It's poor social skills to point out negative things about someone's appearance. So either he has poor social skills or he's purposely negging you.

But he didn't just say her hair was thin, he actually said she was "nearly bald". I mean seriously, how many people (let alone a new love interest) would you really say that to? He then went banging on about his ex and her beautiful thick locks! That doesn't sound very much to me like a case of foot in mouth. If the OP is perimenopausal, then the boyfriend isn't 16 years old. He's old enough to know that calling women bald is going to upset them and to then make a point of comparing his ex girlfriend physically to her is, at the barest minimum, rude.

Why are you wasting your time with a nasty loser who likes taking you down?

You have self esteem issues to be tolerating this.

Dump him with no explanation.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk because you are ripe for abuse for entertaining him at all after the red head comment.

We teach people how to treat us.
He's testing how low your self respect is and you past with flying colours.

I get you @Grammarninja 💐

‘Smaller than I’m used to. I knew a guy and….’!

Noted 😊

If you’ve got fine hair, then that’s what you’ve got. More important things to get upset about. 🤷‍♀️

I don't at all enjoy knowing why people like you want women to accept men insulting and hurting them. But I'm pleased to see that so many of them won't.

He seems a bit obsessed with hair in general .. redheads , his ex’s hair, your hair… doesn’t he? ( apart from the tactless comment)

He's a prick! Why are you going out with him? Dump him and buy yourself something nice for Christmas.

Commenting on your hair is one thing. The comparison to his ex is another. How he said it is another thing again.

Depends how desperate you are as to if you let it slide.

Feels like negging.

Enjoy the guessing 🤣🍿🥤🤣

I didn't want to mention that he was probably neurodivergent because I thought I'd get my ass handed to me but this is what I was thinking. My brother is Nd and will say things like, 'wow, you've really aged this year' or 'you're really losing your looks'. I accept it from him but wouldn't want to date someone who would say things like this. I'm Nd too but it doesn't take a lot of learning to not say such things unless you are very high on the spectrum.

Me and OH have a running joke that if either of us says the other looks tired we go “oh thanks” in a fake offended manner, neither of us are actually offended.
Have you told him these comments hurt your feelings? Or just brushed them off/ignored them? Maybe he doesn’t realise he is being offensive and just stating observations.
My oh also has a thing for redheads, i also have brown hair 🤷🏻‍♀️ i don’t see the issue xx

I don't have time for someone who comments on my physical, natural appearance in anything but an unequivocally positive way, because I wouldn't do that to them. It's not how polite, decent people behave. If you like the boyfriend in other ways, you could call him out for these comments and see if he changes, but he's old enough to know better, and the kind of man who says these things probably isn't ideal in many other ways.

I'm not sure he said it maliciously or to deliberately hurt you. Sometimes people don't always think before they open their mouth. I have fine hair but a lot of it, and I'm losing more due to perimenopause. You need to tell him how you feel, and that he needs to think about what he's about to say, before he opens his mouth. Yes, it tactless, but is he an awful person? Not necessarily.

The weird part was comparing you to his ex more than anything else, no one should ever do that.

So when you said "My final response to you", what you actually meant was "Actually I'll come back again and again more times than the Carry On franchise to prove how totally unruffled and above it all I am, but I'm still not going to explain why I think women should take hurtful shit from men".

Don't worry. We can guess.

There you go again making stuff up. 🤣🍿🥤

So unoffended, he did it twice.

What would Sid James do, do you think?

But the op isn't about your son now is it?

Circumstantial.

She has thin hair. He said she has thin hair which he didn't notice before. Fine. The part where he speaks about an ex and their luxurious hair -not OK.