Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

@IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour , putting someone down to make themselves look better.

negging

the practice of insulting or undermining someone in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances:

How much hair has he got?
I'd have been minded to point out that he is more likely to end up bald than you are.

With the other comment about having a thing for redheads, I don't think this one is a keeper. Neither is egregious in its own right, but is beginning to suggest a pattern of unkind, tactless digs that will accumulate with time. Rip the plaster off, get rid.

I had an ex who would say things like this. Small comments, all ‘factual.’ Then I’d get, “woah! You’re sensitive about this!”

He was doing it to deliberately hurt me, I see that now. Somethings really don’t need saying and if they’re said, it’s generally not for any nice reason.

The comment in the redhead wouldn’t bother me.

but commenting on your hair, it’s like commenting on someone’s fatness, you never ever comment on something negative, no matter how true, it’s seen as deeply hurtful to point it out. You can think it but not say it.

i suspect you’re not compatible, he seems tactless, and lacking thought, and you are maybe quite sensitive, ie the waitress comment, and the two of you probably don’t make a good pair.

What on earth is ‘negging’?

proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
He didn't mention that she had a pixie haircut and hadn't been for her monthly wax.

I wouldnt be dating anyone whose old enough to be dating a menopausal woman who hasnt developed the emotional intelligence to understand why you wouldnt draw attention to something like this, and then double down by comparing you to an ex.
Im sure someone will come along and mention autism, and I get it, but then you need to make a decision if you'd want to put up with more of those kind of comments - personally, it doesnt matter why someone makes them, the impact on my self esteem wouldnt be worth it.

'Your hair is really fine' - could be neutral or even complimentary .

'Your hair is so fine I can see your scalp through it' - clearly non-complimentary.

Comparing with his ex who had thick, lush hair? Either deliberate negging or just too much of a twat to care or understand that men's job isn't to constantly pass judgment on women's appearance.

He sounds like a bit of a Dick. Tell him hes being a dick.

Fuck me- dump this dickhead.

Triangulating you and negging you. What an arsehole.

He sounds like a complete prick trying to push your boundaries.

Is he really worth it?

"Gosh your hair is really thinning, you"re almost bald" said nobody on a date.

Men and women are sensitive about hair loss so at best it's tactless and worse he was negging.

Ditch and move on. Please.
Don’t settle for such a specimen.

THIS- none of us are perfect and we all have flaws, saying "well it's factual so it's all ok" is ridiculous. He knows damn well it's an insult.

Would you say to a man- "you are SO much shorter than the average man arent you?" or "your penis isnt very attractive and its quite small isn't it?" or "wow- your acne has really scarred your face quite badly hasn't it"? - all these could be completely "factual" statements, doesnt mean we arent so idiotic we know they are hurtful to state out loud.

I agree he is negging you. Dont let him.

You'd need to go into a rapturous account of your ex-boyfriend who was hung like a hoover.

I would find the comparison to his ex the most hurtful. He sounds like a knob.

It's an odd comment, but I would have let it go if it wasn't followed up by the comparison to another women he used to date having 'better' hair. That's the bit that's unacceptable. Is this a one-off or have there been other things along the same lines?

It was a really stupid, hurtful thing to say and so was following it up with a comment about the lovely hair of another woman.

Rude tactless tosser with no filter on his gob or deliberate negging to put you down - neither sounds an attractive proposition

This made me laugh so much more than it should have

He was rude and tactless, yanbu. I wouldn't want to continue this relationship

@Thepeopleversuswork Possibly tactless? No, just incredibly tactless.
I've had such boyfriends and they're twats.

He was just pointing out the facts. I wouldn't be remotely bothered about this.