Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

Yes that was rude of him. Not necessarily noting your hair is fine, as it is, but comparing you to another woman was weird and gauche. I’d have told him to go find her and get her back then.

Yep- he reminds me of my narc ex boyfriend who used to constantly neg me and point out my flaws (just being honest!!!) but weirdly, could never accept he had any flaws of his own of course and used to get super butt hurt when I would be similarly honest with him seeing as he loved "the truth" so damn much.

Point out some honest negative truths about him OP, I guarantee he wont be such a fan of factual honesty then!

Yes he is tactless, probably deliberately and negging you as PP said. Similarly the comment about the redhead. Bottom line is he is a arsehole and you aren’t compatible.

You didn’t have this shit in your life 4 months ago and you were ok, weren’t you? Sure you wanted a relationship but you weren’t being mind fucked by anyone. Four months in, a relationship should be adding joy to your life dragging you down. End it and do better

Saying your hair is fine isn't a problem on its own. The comparison to an ex is a problem.

No I wouldn’t like that. Nor the redhead comment. Even if it was ‘fact’ it doesn’t need pointing out. We all know what we look like.

Why would anybody want to be with a thoughtless person who points out something negative about them? I cannot think of how his comment could have been taken in a nice way.

Jesus. It was a truthful comment, just thoughtless.

No, he's a twonk and an immature one at that. I bet the lush long haired girl (he would have gone out with her when he was about 17) dumped him.

Curious- would you tell a date they had a small penis? or that their face was very wrinkled or spotty or that they were very short compared to your tall handsome exes?

All of these might be factual so all fine to say, no?

I think if he just made a comment that your hair was fine then that would be OK, but he then compared you negatively to another woman he used to date which is not acceptable.

I just saw from your other posts that he often makes comments about other women. I think you should throw this one back tbh.

I think Yabu as you admit you have fine hair. It was insensitive for him to bring it up in that way and compare you to his ex, but he wasn’t mistaken about saying you have fine hair in itself (ie the title of your thread).

@Pleasealexa "Gosh your hair is really thinning, you"re almost bald" said nobody on a date."

Exactly. I can't believe so many posters wouldn't care about being told they're nearly bald, especially in the "honeymoon" period of a relationship. Then to follow it up with a rapturous account of a previous shag and her beautiful, luxuriant hair. Some posters must be bloody desperate for male company at any price.

It’s been 4 months, he openly makes comments about other women and compares you to his ex. Why the fuck are you still with him?

Why did he need to point it out?

As soon as I read your post OP I was reminded of my first H.
I always had very fine hair. So his comment once was " If you had nice hair you would be really something".
That was many years ago and I've never forgotten it.
It was actually part of a pattern of negative things he said about me and positive admiring things he said about other women.
I didn't know the term negging in those days but I now recognise his behaviour as that.

My H's negative comments have stayed with me and affected my confidence. Don't let this guy do that to you.
OP. He is the problem, not you or your hair.

On its own maybe, but he also compared OP to his ex who had thick hair so it wasnt simply an innocent observation about her. Also, add to that as well the comments about how he has a thing for redheads when OP has brown hair? sorry thats textbook triangulation/negging. This shows a pattern not a one off comment.

He is not a decent man.

I would absolutely see it as an insult - something said to undermine my confidence in myself.

He sounds like a right charmer OP - you can do so much better. If likes women with red hair then let him go and find one after you have binned him.

Comparing her negatively to an ex-girlfriend? An absolute no. He's showing who he is, OP. Don't go further down this path.

Deliberate but sometimes subtle undermining of a partner or potential partner's confidence (comments about their looks or personality) to make them feel lesser, often to make them feel like they are lucky that you'd even consider dating them and to dissuade them from leaving /rejecting your advances by make them think that nobody else would want them.

I don’t think this is negging, I think it’s simply a lack of tact. He thought it, he said it.

@TheRealGoose Why do you describe Mumsnet as feral?

Making deliberately negative comments to put someone down so you can feel above them or that they should feel lucky to have you. Or alternatively back handed compliments such as "wow- so brave of you to wear that outfit considering your figure, good for you!"- they can argue it's a compliment but it's clearly a put down in disguise.

Its a form of manipulation.

So what if it's true? Of course he shouldn't have said it, he knew damn well it wasn't going to make you feel good. Adults (should) have filters. Would it be ok if he said "Gosh your neck is quite wrinkly" or "your stomach is wobbly" or ""you have a lot of crows feet" - would it be ok to say all of this even if it were true?

I reckon this is a slippery slope. He doesn't care about your feelings.

What a stupid misogynistic disgusting comment. Why do men make these sort of comments and think it’s funny, on a mainly female site.