Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

I guess it's not negative and just factual in the way that "you're fat and your arse wobbles" wouldn't be negative, just factual?

I think he means sparse (versus thick), not fine (versus coarse)? The comparison to his ex isn't even relevant. But in any case, no one thinks "I can see your scalp through your hair" is a compliment!! And if he's commenting out of genuine concern for you, starting with "gosh" may not be the way to go.

Four months, you say? Dump. I know this type of man, he sees women as things he can openly comment on and compare and which shouldn't answer back. He won't accept how dehumanising, hurtful and shit it is, he'll blame you and it's not worth it. I guarantee that Ms Gorgeous Hair heard shite about her skin or teeth or bum or something else, and if she was smart she dumped him, as should you.

Goodness me, what will he be saying when he's not in the honeymoon dating period??

@MorrisHer Of course YANBU to be hurt OP. Just because it's factually correct doesn't mean there's any need to comment on it - I mean, those of us who have fine hair know we have fine hair because we're the ones trying to make something of it every sodding morning! He was "negging" - making negative comments about you just to pull you down. That's plain nasty, particularly when he immediately then regales you with tales of a former girlfriend's luscious locks - who the hell does that?!
A caring partner would want to make you feel good about yourself. He's showing his true nature after just four months OP and he's only going to get worse. Respectfully, I would suggest you message him today to dump him and then block him - leave him to figure out why. You deserve so much better! 💜

Hair is something we tend to be sensitive about. His comment was 100% unnecessary. And he hasn't know you long enough to be saying it in a way that shows concern. Is he like this a lot?

Quite.

It amazes me what some women put up with in order to "have a boyfriend".

It's fine being single. Being with a man should bring only positives to your life. This man is making you feel bad about yourself, you don't need him. He should be praising you and thinking how lucky he is, not making hurtful personal comments.

If you stay you can only expect more of the same.

You've only been seeing him four months - he should be making an effort to be considerate - saying he has a thing about redheads shows he is completely insensitive - and I think he was pushing your boundaries to see what you'll put up with. This alone is not great but he's making personal comments - why even bring up that your hair is fine? To top it off he compared you unfavourably with an ex. Just because you factually have fine hair - so what - it's the way he said it, to be negative and put you on the back foot. Massive red flag. Dump him now, you've only been seeing him four months - forget the absolute tosser and look after yourself. He'll only get worse.

This were my thoughts.

Add-on going on 'Always having a thing for redheads' to you when talking about a member of staff while out and yeah, he's either intentionally trying to make you insecure or entirely inconsiderate on how his running commentary could impact you.

I’ve read two of your posts OP and that’s all I need to know to say this advice. Ditch. I have had an experience similar to this. It started with love bombing, then very quickly turned to negging until I felt as though I was completely worthless and pitied and ought to be grateful. He was openly eyeing up other women, groping me in public then negging. I feel sick writing this. He wouldn’t let me go without a fight though! I had to block him. I felt sick for months after. Please do yourself a favour and throw this one back.

You wouldn’t see someone saying they can see your scalp as a negative comment??

And don't forget to follow it up by mentioning an ex who was much, much larger.

A good five years into the relationship then you can say things like this but at 4 months, no way.

Another one here who thinks it's negging. He also sounds like an ex of mine I dated in my 20s who said things like:

"You're not really my usual type! I usually go for quite glamorous classically beautiful women!"
"Your hair is so fine isnt it? its like baby hair" (and very similarly, proceeded to compare me to his ex who had long thick shiny blonde hair)
"Dont wear heels- your'e too tall, it will look weird for me"
"Of course you're British so your nose is far bigger than mine" (he was half Filipino)

You would think from reading that I resembled the hunchback of Notre Dame but I was actually quite pretty and did some modelling in my youth.

It's not you OP- it's him. He is deeply insecure and trying to drag you down to make himself feel better. Contented people dont feel the need to drag others down.

Ironically, I saw him on Facebook fairly recently and he is now quite obese, perpetually single and balding. The irony. LOL

Two big red flags for both occasions OP - he's testing to see if he can emotionally abuse you.

It would be wise for you to do the freedom programme online so that you can recognise this behavour & save yourself being emotionally abused by others.

I genuinely wonder if there is some incel brigading on some recent threads, I can’t imagine any of my real life female friends telling another woman that this is in any way ok.

He should have kept his fat trap shut. What he did was negging, clear as day, the absolute dribble about redheads (who the fuck cares dude, I have a thing for Alexander Skarsgard but I'm not a rude pos who'd feel the man I was fucking would remotely want to know) and then crapping on about someone else he used to fuck and how great her hair was after slagging yours off - that is the final nail in the coffin.

He's a cunt. Bin.

‘Negging’ and ‘triangulating’ indeed. Bad sign about him.

He's like this 4 months in?? He won't make you happy. End it x

I reckon that should have been your cue to end it. He's not a nice person.

4 months in and he's already making you feel like crap.. intentional or not, and whether other people would be upset or not, make no difference. Don't be with someone that doesn't make you feel good about yourself!

Then why are you with him?

Nah, it's more than thoughtless. You don't tell a woman (or a man) that they're nearly bald in the early stages of a relationship. Most people are trying to show their best side at this stage and not make really personal and unkind comments. And you don't then go banging on about your ex and her beautiful, thick hair nearly down to her bum. I wouldn't say any of that to a work colleague, let alone someone I was trying to get my leg over.

The comment about seeing your scalp was insensitive at best, but following up on it with a story about an ex that had thick, luscious long curls, sounds like negging to me.

Throw this one back OP.

That’s totally inappropriate too. Whatever’s wrong with him (totally thick, insensitive, negging), you deserve better.