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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

336 replies

MorrisHer · 29/11/2025 11:01

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

OP posts:
Fiftyandme · 29/11/2025 12:27

Dump the cunt

ginasevern · 29/11/2025 12:25

Homegrownberries · 29/11/2025 12:21

You're quite sensitive to perceived criticisms. He has no filter. I'm not sure that those two traits make a good combination.

Perceived criticisms? Telling a new date she's nearly bald and then banging on about his previous fuck's gorgeously beautiful hair. You must have a pretty low bar.

cooksbrandedclock · 29/11/2025 12:23

is he autistic, and not being deliberately unthinking, but just stating an observed fact without judgement or hidden meaning?

icantbelieveitsnotcake · 29/11/2025 12:22

Homegrownberries · 29/11/2025 12:21

You're quite sensitive to perceived criticisms. He has no filter. I'm not sure that those two traits make a good combination.

I disagree. It's not overly sensitive to not want someone you are newly dating to compare you unfavourably to their ex.

Thats shitty behaviour

CinnamonJellyBeans · 29/11/2025 12:21

He's negging you.

Get out now, before he destroys your self esteem and you end up feeling so unworthy that you are grateful for being with this piece of shit.

Just from your few posts, it's obvious that the journey is already underway. Open your eyes and look at what is happening.

Get out now.

Homegrownberries · 29/11/2025 12:21

You're quite sensitive to perceived criticisms. He has no filter. I'm not sure that those two traits make a good combination.

ilovesooty · 29/11/2025 12:18

PigeonsandSquirrels · 29/11/2025 11:31

Yes that was rude of him. Not necessarily noting your hair is fine, as it is, but comparing you to another woman was weird and gauche. I’d have told him to go find her and get her back then.

Exactly. Why put up with this and not say anything?

I don't think the comment about the redhead would bother me but we're all different.

If this guy is thoughtless or deliberately hurtful he should be challenged.

Anyahyacinth · 29/11/2025 12:16

ForZanyAquaViewer · 29/11/2025 11:35

Then why are you with him?

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...presumably because OP isnt a shallow puddle like him

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 29/11/2025 12:16

Who said romance was dead?

ThatCyanCat · 29/11/2025 12:15

He thinks you won't stay with him if you've got good self esteem. He's right.

FullOfMomsense · 29/11/2025 12:11

He sounds like a dick, you can do far better than a man with other women constantly on his mind

Maxme · 29/11/2025 12:11

I think the hair comment by itself might have just been tactless.

The comparisons to other women's hair , and especially your follow up posts making it clear it's not just a one off... I would consider if you want to continue this relationship.

Happyhettie · 29/11/2025 12:10

He sounds like a real charmer. No idea why you’re still with him. Relationships are meant to add something positive to your life.

What’s the next thing he’s going to tell you is wrong with you do you think?! You’re worth more than this.

ginasevern · 29/11/2025 12:07

AutumnClouds · 29/11/2025 11:46

I genuinely wonder if there is some incel brigading on some recent threads, I can’t imagine any of my real life female friends telling another woman that this is in any way ok.

Yeah, I think you're right. I don't even know a single bloke that would like to be told he was bald and that his new gf's ex had gorgeous thick hair.

icantbelieveitsnotcake · 29/11/2025 12:06

AngelicKaty · 29/11/2025 12:02

No you can't - it's unkind and totally unnecessary at any stage of a relationship. (44 years with my DH and he would never say anything as mindless, hurtful and cruel as this to me.)

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Right- why is this ok to say after 5 years and whats the point of saying it anyway?

Telling someone their hair is so thin you can see their scalp isnt like you can fix it the very next day- there could be all sorts of hormonal or medical reasons it's like that. People are aware of when their hair is thin - they dont need it pointed out to them FFS.

Telling someone their outfit doesnt suit them - fine, because they can get changed immediately, they may appreciate the feedback but commenting on hair loss is not fine because what if OP cant do anything about it? you've made her feel shit about something she cant change

Anyahyacinth · 29/11/2025 12:05

TwistedWonder · 29/11/2025 11:10

Rude tactless tosser with no filter on his gob or deliberate negging to put you down - neither sounds an attractive proposition

This ...the fact he thought it was his place to comment is proprietorial and unpleasant ...you are fair warned about him now

notallwhowanderare · 29/11/2025 12:05

AngelicKaty · 29/11/2025 12:02

No you can't - it's unkind and totally unnecessary at any stage of a relationship. (44 years with my DH and he would never say anything as mindless, hurtful and cruel as this to me.)

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Agree.

TorroFerney · 29/11/2025 12:04

MorrisHer · 29/11/2025 11:11

Oh yeah.. sometimes he says really weird stuff … like a couple of weeks ago we were served by a girl with ginger hair and after she’d walked off he chirped up “ I’ve always had a bit of a thing for redheads” and laughed ..my hair is dark brown .. I felt like walking out..

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Oh it's intentional, he is seeing how much crap you'll put up with, he will be rubbing his hands together with glee with you. He wants to make you feel he is doing you a favour and so when he is being really awful you'll be so downtrodden that you will just put up with it. I would run away op.

AngelicKaty · 29/11/2025 12:02

Shedeboodinia · 29/11/2025 11:50

A good five years into the relationship then you can say things like this but at 4 months, no way.

No you can't - it's unkind and totally unnecessary at any stage of a relationship. (44 years with my DH and he would never say anything as mindless, hurtful and cruel as this to me.)

OneFineDay22 · 29/11/2025 12:02

I’m surprised by people saying it’s just a fact. It’s not just a fact (I don’t know you, so for all I know he’s exaggerating anyway), but he’s comparing you unfavourably to other people. When he said he’s always had a thing for redheads you should have said “I’ve always had a thing for Terry Crews” or whoever his physical opposite is. I would move on, honestly.

Floortoceiling · 29/11/2025 12:02

notallwhowanderare · 29/11/2025 11:43

He should have kept his fat trap shut. What he did was negging, clear as day, the absolute dribble about redheads (who the fuck cares dude, I have a thing for Alexander Skarsgard but I'm not a rude pos who'd feel the man I was fucking would remotely want to know) and then crapping on about someone else he used to fuck and how great her hair was after slagging yours off - that is the final nail in the coffin.

He's a cunt. Bin.

Amen.

Nospringchix · 29/11/2025 12:01

zipadeedodah · 29/11/2025 11:08

Get your own back after sex by saying something like "gosh your willy's a bit small isn't it? I can't feel it touching the sides"

That'll teach him.

Agreed. I would add another sentence to that, something along the lines of " I had an ex who had a huge one!"

junglejunglebear · 29/11/2025 12:00

MorrisHer · 29/11/2025 11:11

Oh yeah.. sometimes he says really weird stuff … like a couple of weeks ago we were served by a girl with ginger hair and after she’d walked off he chirped up “ I’ve always had a bit of a thing for redheads” and laughed ..my hair is dark brown .. I felt like walking out..

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He's testing the waters to see what you'll do, @MorrisHer He's looking to see where your boundaries are.

If he discovers that he can get away with insults like this, and they are insults, he'll escalate. They always do.

Please think long and hard about whether you want to give your time to someone like this.

Bahhhhhumbug · 29/11/2025 12:00

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango1 · 29/11/2025 11:20

I would absolutely see it as an insult - something said to undermine my confidence in myself.

He sounds like a right charmer OP - you can do so much better. If likes women with red hair then let him go and find one after you have binned him.

Edited
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Two suggestions
Plantur shampoo, brilliant on my menopausal thinning hair.
LTB

icantbelieveitsnotcake · 29/11/2025 12:00

I guarantee that Ms Gorgeous Hair heard shite about her skin or teeth or bum or something else, and if she was smart she dumped him, as should you

Absolutely. I bet she got different insults (oh sorry I mean, er "facts") about her appearance. It might have been her weight or her teeth or her height or her breast size etc