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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I always have to do my dad’s Christmas shopping

120 replies

AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:36

Every year. Without fail. It’s to the point now I have his card saved on my Amazon for this reason.

He just doesn’t care. He never comes up with gift ideas himself, he never looks for anything my mum might like. He just asks me what she’s asked for and I order it, wrap it, and he gets the credit.

It’s infuriating to me. He never knows what he’s getting her until she unwraps it. But if I don’t do it, he will get angry at me and say I’m being difficult. So I do it, because it’s easier for me and it means my mum gets something.

AIBU to just be really fed up? He never asks my brothers to do it, only me.

OP posts:
GehenSieweiter · 29/11/2025 09:44

AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:39

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

Let him get angry, it's himself he needs to get angry at.
Buy your mum a lovely gift, from you.
He's the one being not fair. Stop enabling a man child.

rainbowsparkle28 · 29/11/2025 09:43

Then just don’t do it 🤷‍♀️🙄 Say no, mean it, make it obvious you are not doing it so he has the notice (not that you owe him that) and then get on your merry way! He won’t do it so long as you are enabling him to not do it. Focus on getting a nice gift from you for mum and ultimately it will be him that has to face the music if he doesn’t get his act together rather than you saving him every time, that’s not your job or responsibility.

Throneofgame · 29/11/2025 09:43

AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:39

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

Your mum is a grown woman and is no doubt able to deal with it. Stop making excuses.

Either stand up for yourself and stop this behaviour, or keep enabling it and upsetting yourself. You will garner little sympathy if you decide the latter.

BreakfastClubBlues · 29/11/2025 09:43

AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:39

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

Won't get any Christmas gifts...from her husband. Surely she still gets gifts from the rest of you?

You're not involved in their relationship, so don't stop doing it.

GehenSieweiter · 29/11/2025 09:43

Lastfroginthebox · 29/11/2025 09:37

Just don't do it!

This.
Sorry Dad, I don't have the time or energy this year.

Spirallingdownwards · 29/11/2025 09:42

I agree. Order it to his house in his name and he can wrap it.

Or don't order it, let him be angry and also let him make it up to your mum if she is upset that he hasn't bought for her.

Or tell him to ask your brother this year.

Lafamiliaestodo · 29/11/2025 09:42

AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:39

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Either carry on doing it but absolutely no point in complaining about it
Or stop doing it and end the cycle.

I'd be choosing option 2.

Nomoredamnmats · 29/11/2025 09:42

If he got angry, would he take it out on your mum?

Badslipperluck · 29/11/2025 09:41

I mean you don't have to, you're choosing to. If you feel your mum should get gifts get them yourself, from you.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/11/2025 09:41

I presume your mum knows she's married to a lazy uncaring twat. I would just do it for your mum, she knows it's you making the effort albeit with your dad's money. I would put my foot down and not do it for anyone else.

NarwhalBuddy · 29/11/2025 09:40

AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:39

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

This might be unpopular but this year, I would buy something, but it’s his job to wrap. Drop it off to him

FeedingPidgeons · 29/11/2025 09:39

Say no. Why do you care if he fails? Its not your problem.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/11/2025 09:39

Let him get angry, this is not your job!

SapphOhNo · 29/11/2025 09:39

AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:39

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

Let him get angry? Who cares?

Original poster
AlwaysTheEldestDaughter · 29/11/2025 09:39

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

OP posts:
SapphOhNo · 29/11/2025 09:39

I put YABU mostly because it's entirely within your power to stop..

TomatoSandwiches · 29/11/2025 09:38

Stop doing it.

Throneofgame · 29/11/2025 09:38

Why are you enabling this behaviour?

If you don't like doing it, then just stop doing it. No one has a gun to your head forcing you to buy presents on his behalf. Let him sort his own life out and deal with any consequences when he doesn't.

Mum2Fergus · 29/11/2025 09:38

Stop enabling him.

Lastfroginthebox · 29/11/2025 09:37

Just don't do it!