I always have to do my dad’s Christmas shopping

Do you want a solution or sympathy?

I’d be doing fuck all for someone who calls me a bitch. Except maybe ordering all of my gifts using his card. Whoops.

Accidentally add a card inside the wrapping saying “to the best mum in the world”

My DH used to do this to our DD. One year she bought me something really expensive that I had admired. He keeps saying that was way too expensive. How is that my fault you bought it darling.

You could ask your mum - in front of your dad! - what she wants from your dad this Christmas, so you can get on and organise it?

My dad was similar but to my sister and I. When my mum was alive he wouldn’t know what he’d got us, then after she died he would give me his card and I’d have to buy and wrap his presents to my sister. He would get my sister to buy my presents and get his wife (or his staff!) to wrap my presents. I think it is weaponised incompetence mixed with not caring. If my dad was still alive I wouldn’t stand for it anymore, I’d buy the other person what I think they’d like from me, and he would have to deal with the consequences of making someone sad/disappointed that he couldn’t be bothered to get them anything

Do you live at home?

She’ll get them from other people, won’t she?

Yes to letting him get angry and then let the cat out the bag 😬

YABU to do it. At least tell your mother the truth about what's going on so you get the credit.

My dad has been doing this for thirty years. He is now retired - loads of time on his hands and still expects all his Christmas shopping done for him. He gets snappy about the whole thing - don’t spend too much!

what’s worse is every year as my mum is opening her gift from him he asks me and my sister how much he owes us!

You could compromise by ordering the gifts, paying for giftwrap (on his card) and having them delivered to his home. Very quick for you and no hassle wrapping and taking them round.

As a teenager my Dad would sometimes give me money and tell me to buy something for Mum. But it was the 80s, we lived rurally, he only asked me if I was going into town anyway, he told me what to buy and he wrapped it (and it was usually a secondary present, a bottle of perfume or something to go alongside his main present to her).

YANBU, It's annoying for you that your Dad has a very gendered view of present buying but the one who will suffer will be your Mum because he will no doubt buy her something shit, if at all. Like you say, at least this way she gets something nice.

Do it this year, but have a strong word with him after Christmas and tell him you're not doing again, AND TELL HIM WHY.
Don't enable his pathetic attitude, basically.

I thought you were my dd, she does this for her df too although I don't think it annoys her too much. He's my exh but when we were together I shopped for his gifts for his family too or they would have received nothing or something rubbish. Dd would tell him if she was sick of it I imagine she's not afraid to speak up.

I was going to suggest @FlowersInPots Option 3 as well. Mum gets a present, dad pays, you get the credit.

How is your relationship with your dad in general? Is he kind and respectful to you? Does he help you out with stuff? If so then I’d help him out, if not, then don’t.

Honestly OP just stop. Your parents' marriage dynamics are not your responsibility.

I know due to family dynamics the idea of saying no may be hard for you. From the little you’ve posted it seems clear that it’s ingrained in you to placate your dad and do whatever is needed to prevent him getting angry.

From the outside, that seems off because you’re not responsible for this and his anger is his problem.

I would say your options are:

1. Dont do it this year and if he gets angry, ask him why he’s incapable of doing it or say you think it’s your brothers turn this year.
2. Order it straight to his house so can wrap it
3. Order your mum something nice on his card, wrap it and give it to her from you so she gets something. If he mentions it, he can explain that he hasn’t made any effort and you can just shrug your shoulders and ignore, assuming he’ll learn a lesson.
4. Do what you’ve always done and feel the resentment growing.

Send him a link and he can order and wrap it. You are still doing the brain work. Explain to him that of course it is easier FOR HIM if you order it, but it is adding to your, already long list.

At the very most, you should have it delivered to him so he can wrap it.

You have agency here

It's your choice whether to use it

Honestly. I I couldn't get worked up about this. It probably takes you 5 minutes to order and 5 minutes to wrap it. Assuming your relationship with you father is other wise good then I would do this for him.

How old are you?
Are you still a teen or twenty and living at home?
If so I can see it woukd be a challenge dealing with Mr Angry Dad.

If you’re an adult, and/or not living at home, now is your time to cut the cord, stop being his staff and refuse to do this anymore.

Your mum will still get gifts from you and your siblings (presumably) so stand your ground and delete his card from the internet. Job done.