To stop taking DS to a new hobby? I feel bad but overwhelmed

Sleeping in short blocks of a few hours here and there is deterimental to health over time. Your dh needs the best sleep he can get between shifts otherwise he risks many medical problems which could add to your household concerns.

On a Wednesday evening I have to sit for 2.5 hours to wait for my 5 year old in martial arts. Can’t leave him in case there’s an injury etc. I have started just taking my laptop and working from there doing admin etc

Yes, the time that you have, the hour and a half- sit with a cup of tea and do family admin. You have peace and quiet to do it. All those little things that seems to be forgotten about, sit and write your lists in the peace and quiet. I’m sure you get very little of that!

Or binge watch a tv series or call a friend. That’s a golden 1 1/2 you have there.

If your mum is willing to do the drive, then let her. Don’t worry too much. I’m sure she would tell you if it was too much for her.

Also, as time goes on, maybe there will be a parent thats willing to do a drop off for you etc

It's two separate issues really, but it sounds like it is too much at the moment. Is there somewhere for you to sit inside, are there any shops or cafes nearby, or is it just literally in the middle of nowhere, with you hanging round outside. If there are some ways of passing the time, could you consider restarting in the summer and taking the other children with you, then take them to a local park, cafe or similar.

This is totally unworkable
your poor dh - lack of sleep is a killer.

Can't your mum take him? It seems you have signed your son up for something without to much thought and planning and I don't think it is fair to stop because of logistics,.is your son getting benefit from the activity is he bothered by the travel?

In terms of the standing around - I used to bring work or admin to do while my child did a club if it was sit and wait. I got a whole qualification just studying while my child was at a club. These days it's rarer I have to do this so I just bring a book to read

Other mums I know show up in running kit and use the time to go for a run.

What time does your husband finish his night shift ? Is it possible for him to go to bed for a few hours get up and take him to the club and then go back to bed for a few hours if necessary when he gets back ? I worked nights for years and often split my sleep during the day if I had to get up and do something with my horses at a specific time

I had similar with a kids club, buses and a 2 hour wait, I used to find a quiet corner near the activity area and read a book. The time sped by and I got through several novels I wanted to read which was difficult to do at home having a large family. Win - win.

Could his father take him and snooze in the car while the hobby takes place?

Working nights is completely different and not at all comparable to daytime working(I worked nights for several years.)

If it’s just about the hanging about driving you mad then I’d say suck it up. I think that’s normal for parents and most try to either do something productive in the time - shopping, admin, exercise etc or they take it as me time and chill.

However if it’s affecting your whole family then that’s a different matter and you either need to think of a better routine or unfortunately your DS can’t do this particular activity. Maybe your DH could drive him there and you and the other kids get bus or taxi to pick him up?

Having worked nights, I know that driving after working all night is not that safe.

I’d try and make it work. It sounds worthwhile for him and you do reach a stage of parenting where you are just hanging around at their activities.

Can you get a taxi?
Can you take the other children too do something with them while he is doing his activity?

Only solution I can think of is the car share suggested above where your DH takes him and returns home immediately to sleep, then another parent collects

As a night shift worker it's unreasonable/ impossible simply because of what DH is having to do (unless sleeping nights/ on call style work).

Can’t dh take him and drive so quicker and he can nap in car for hr

If a teacher has suggested it and your child has additional needs you may find this activity is the one thing that makes your kid feel good about himself and grows his confidence so I would certainly try and find a way to make it work

is it something your other kids could also do or is there something nearby you could do?

I don’t drive and taking DS to football was a pain but he loved it and DD and I would either go to the cafe or the playground while we waited and then eventually she started playing at the same time

I can see the dilemma OP and whilst I agree to some extent with those saying that we all have to put up with inconvenience for our DC's benefit there is a limit to what is doable. You have to consider the well being of the whole family and it sounds to me that in this case the balance of benefit to your DS v burden to the rest of the family isn't great. We all want the best for our kids but some things just aren't workable.
I've done the work all night, look after kids during the day, work all night thing on occasion when my DS was away, ill or something and it's pretty awful. I wouldn't have wanted to do it on a regular basis. Working night shifts is unnatural and it's very draining for most people. The quality of sleep you get in the day tends not to be the same as you get at night either, so your DH is probably losing out on both time and quality of sleep. If it was a one off event I'd say he should suck it up for your DS's sake, but as a regular thing it's a big ask.
I think I'd be looking for some other kind of activity for DS that places less of a burden on everyone else in the family. It must be tough if it is something that he enjoys and benefits from but you already have a huge amount on your plate and it sounds like this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. You sound like a fantastic Mum but you are not superhuman OP and it's ok to say no sometimes.

In your shoes, you have too much on so I’d drop the activity.

An 8yr old doesn’t need to go to clubs. My autistic DS is an older teen but has never attended any clubs, partly due to our rural location and partly due to the lack of non sports based clubs available.

Your son can socialise at school so don’t feel bad about him missing this session. You can reassess if your circumstances change in the future.

I also never went to any clubs as a child either. It’s really not that big a deal as some on here make out and he can always do stuff as an adult instead.

As someone who works nights, no it is NOT the same.

Not liking hanging around is one thing, your DH not being able to sleep is another thing. And those suggesting your DH take him instead, he shouldn’t really be driving if he is in need of sleep! Unless you have another family member or friend who can take your DS, it doesn’t really sound like it’s working right now. It’s a shame though. Is there anything similar closer to home?

Night shift is tough on the body clock, you really want to get straight to bed.

But yes most of have been awake for 16hr after a day of work and then children's activities, it's not that unusual. The difference is if he's going straight back out for another night shift he'll only get 3-4hrs sleep.

Do you get any PIP? Maybe take a cab