To stop taking DS to a new hobby? I feel bad but overwhelmed

I'm so sorry op. Days like these are so so hard when you're confronted with how different your reality is to everyone else's whose experience is that "clubs are always good for children". Take the time you need. You've had a really hard day and you need to be able to recover and regulate yourself.

Attending this club is a lot of transitions for an autistic child to cope with, that's if everything goes to plan - and there's so much about your journey there and back that you can't control. Plus the added pressure of being at a specific place at a specific time is difficult for you with ADHD.

look, sometimes things don't work out - you've all tried - your son doesn't want to be this upset and over stimulated. Knock it on the head. If you've already paid for more lessons, well that money's gone regardless of whether he attends or not. It's the sunk costs fallacy. Maybe try again when your dh can drive him there and back because the journey will be in your control then, it's predictable.

If it's about the bus journey, wait until a day when he's well regulated and then go out for a trip on the bus, just one circuit and home.

You're a brilliant mum. You tried to give him an enriching experience - it's nobody's fault that it's just not right for you at the moment.

She has said she has epilepsy anyone with epilepsy can’t go swimming alone. No matter how good a swimmer they are.

Id start preparing dc to get a taxi to and from activity. Social stories etc.

I would honestly take a taxi or give up it doesn't sound sustainable for you, and put it down to a bad experience.

Given the class you should speak to the organisers. They may have seen this before

and when you’ve just been on the wrong end of a meltdown it’s best just to take a step back and try to have a calm rest of the weekend. It’s emotionally battering

eta it’s also emotionally battering for the child and I remind myself every day that dd hates them as much as I do!!

Ah no, OP, that's all just too much. The journey is just too complicated and your son just can't cope if anything unusual happens which is likely to be the case when a journey is complicated. If the bus stopped outside your door and outside the venue it would be a different story but it sounds like an almighty faff.

Maybe finish the term and look for something else from January that is easier to get to.

One of you needs to be able to drive really so DH should look at restarting lessons.

Okay...probably not a job for right now as you're obviously very upset but when you're feeling better, start looking for alternatives that are more accessible. What is it about dance that's good - the physicality, the music, the self expression etc? Are there any other activities that would meet those needs closer to home or at different times that would be more workable?
And if it has to be dance, does it have to be that specific dance school? Maybe there is another facility that can meet your DS's needs without such an arduous journey? Not dance, but we have a number of children with additional needs of different types at the kids' sports club I help run and everyone participates together. It can be challenging sometimes it's true, but we manage and I think that the children all benefit. Obviously everyone is different and that might not be possible but it's at least worth investigating mainstream classes to see if they can accomodate your DS.
It's perfectly ok to acknowledge that something isn't working for your family but just because this particular activity hasn't worked out doesn't mean another one won't. Take a break and look again later.

Surely if you don’t drive with SEN kids, totally understandable due to epilepsy, it would be preferable to be live in a city with good transport? This can’t be the only time it’s problematic.

However, 1.5 hours is easy to pass with audiobooks or podcasts or YT documentaries or your latest TV show.

Speak to those who run it
Explain your child loves it but you can't make it work. They might have sessions at another time, or know of a similar provider that runs them elsewhere at a other time.
Go put the kettle on and have some lunch. Warm up.hopwfully the afternoon will improve.

This. Our kids can't do everything. Is it something he can maybe do one or two sessions of in the holiday? Like horse riding? If so - that might be an option.
(If he doesn't do another out of school activities I might try to make it work, or see if there is similar at another time.)

I’m sorry that happened but why not just take a taxi. I sympathise as I have ND kids and they do make parenting extra challenging. Stopping going if he enjoys it now will also make it seem to him that it was because of what happened on the bus home

I feel like you made your mind up before you even started the thread tbh

This. I used to hate all the waiting around at activities when my kids were young so I used it as an opportunity to catch up on my reading and I sometimes took some knitting with me😊

Given that it’s only 4 miles away, why not go on the bus (since he loves buses so much) , drop him off, come home in a taxi, let your DH go to bed, go back an hour later in a taxi with the other 2 kids, pick up DS, then all go home on the bus. Is your middle child old enough to be left at home while her Dad is asleep?

Get a tandem bike??? Or some sort of 2 person electric bike?

Perhaps you could cycle? 4 miles - would it not be like 30 min cycling?

Doesn’t sound like it’s possible. Does DS have something else so it balances other DD activities. I know that things don’t have to be equal to be fair but it’s a shame if he is enjoying it.

St the mt do you live somewhere with good public transport and activities. Can you do a bus ride somewhere else with your DS to replace that activity for the moment.

It all sounded ok until you said about dh staying up, that’s not on really.

I go for a run whilst DS is at his archery club.

I too was going to suggest a taxi

So it’s either a taxi or it doesn’t happen. But you seem to be keen to stop tbh

Sorry missed the fact the bus is a treat and his dad does not drive.

driving lessons sounds like a priority.