To stop taking DS to a new hobby? I feel bad but overwhelmed

Having read some more of the messages on here, in response to the OP saying she is feeling "overwhelmed",. I would make the following comment:

This lady has three young children, two of whom have additional needs (which, from her description, sound very challenging). I don't think she requires the "that's what parenting is all about" - type comments or suggestions that, on top of taking an easily upset child on a bus, she adds to the mix two other young children, and then hangs about with them for two hours.

I'm wondering if there are any other parents or charity volunteers (eg Scope) who might assist. Or could you go every other weekend so at least 2 weekends in 4 are clear? If your Mum could just do 1 weekend, you would then only be missing 1 weekend.

It must be very tiring to have three young children, two with additional needs, so I can quite understand why you are finding the journey and waiting time too onerous. If you can't get any assistance from any person or organisation, and there will be a cost to skipping every other weekend, I think it might be better if you stop going. You are obviously doing your very best but it is important that you look after your own health as well.

I hope there are some suggestions on here that are helpful.

I know you mentioned no taxis due to finances/bus obsession but I was wondering if maybe a compromise and just get a taxi back? It would make your day/journey so much shorter.

Dad doesn’t drive so still be bus or taxi

Having worked nights and getting in at 0830 having worked all night, the thought of not being able to sleep until 1400 would have be sobbing in a corner !

I think it’s OK to decide this is too much for you - but - first worth considering if there are any things that could make it easier for you. What about bus there (since DS loves the bus trip) and taxi back (when you are more tired and frazzled and just want to get home) Maybe sweeten the deal for DS with a nice thing that he gets to do/eat/watch when you get home after taxi so as to develop a routine pattern for Saturdays that doesn’t include bus back.

Is there another parent at the club who can take your ds? Can you ask at the club? Can the teacher who suggested it help in any way? Don't give up just yet.

You have my permission to stop the club

3 kids including 2 SEN, living rurally 15 mins from a bus stop, and nobody drives, this is not sustainable.

Dad doesn't drive

Why don’t you try a compromise, take the bus there if he loves the bus. Then take a taxi back so you can get home and DH can get to sleep at a reasonable hour?

Can dad take him and sleep in the car?

Can you mum take him?

If your epilepsy is well controlled on meds, you should be able to drive

Can your younger 2 join in as well?

Can you take your other 2 along and take a walk / picnic/ sit in café etc?

He doesn't drive.

Can you ask whoever organises the club if they have any suggestions. Maybe they could ask another parent or member of staff that lives close? Or could you arrange a taxi service? I know your child likes the bus but can you explain how hard it is to get there on the bus and a taxi would be better? Does your husband work on a Saturday night? If he doesn't would he be able to get less sleep or manage to keep awake until yous get back? My partner has to do this as i work on a Saturday morning and he works on a Friday Nightshift. It's hard work but I need to work and someone needs to watch the kids.

Meanwhile get your husband or yourself into driving lessons. I live in the middle of nowhere and passed my test a few months ago. If I can pass then anyone can. I was terrified of driving and was even sick just before my first driving lessons.

You said he loves the bus journey. Could you give up the activity and take the children on the bus instead?

I think it's very important that he meets other children with similar needs to himself. If your husband has to stay up, would it not be easier and quicker for him to take him?

I quite often get up at 5 am for an activity and we aren’t done with evening activities until 9pm. I honestly don’t get the drama here!

Clubs for Sen kids that they actually enjoy are hard to find. It sounds like the teacher recommended it as something helpful. This sounds like it could be really good for him

if op lives in an awkward place then no club will ever be convenient.

Most of the time issue is the bus ride. OP can afford taxis - how long is 4 miles? The venue is inside so should be ok to take the other kids.

tell him a taxi is the only option and maybe he could have some time with his dad and make a regular trip on the bus just the two of them?

Yes can maybe he could nap in the car while he’s waiting??

I think you should stop that activity and carefully select something that is both feasable for you to take him and for your child enjoyable to do. Also I think that your husband getting a driver's licence (and a car) might make life so much simpler for your whole family. Don't despair, there are lots of friendly after-school activities, you will find the perfect one ❤️‍🩹

It would be unfair if he likes it to have let him join and then tell him he can't go back. Can you apply for direct payments maybe for someone to help you out to take him there and back for a bit of respite. A social worker would be the one to ask.

It is 100% not the same! Night shifts are often much linger than day shifts and for many daytime sleep quality is not comparable to night time.

OP I work nights and staying up until 2pm betwwen shifts would be awful. I think this an needs a guilt free rethink

I think you might be able to get some funding for this . Has your child got an ECHP? Contact the facilitator and see. If you’r DS likes the hobby it’s worth it . The other thing is to contact the runner of the activity and see if another parent can help, I know this is a bit of a leap in trust. I hope that you get some help, you’ve got a lot on!

I used to take our son to his music lessons. They were also too remote from where we lived for me to get home and back in time. They lasted two hours, so I took a book, my phone and a flask, and waited in the entrance hall. The time passed reasonably fast with the book and the phone. He is now a professional musician, so I am glad I did it. Sorry to say it, but that’s life with kids - you need to put them first because they didn’t choose to be born and you are their hope for the future. But they pay you back in a million other ways.

Could you not take the other two with you and use the hour and a half to go for a nice walk as it’s in a rural location?