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Original poster

To cut my friend off

57 replies

Avocad1sh · 29/11/2025 09:10

I have been friends with “Amy” for 5 years. We are close but over the past 2 years she goes through stages of just not speaking to me for long periods of time without any warning. She suffers from mental health problems which is what she puts the long absences down to, so that’s why I have put up with it for so long, because I understand she isn’t doing it maliciously or purposefully ignoring me but she just finds it hard to communicate during those periods.

However, the past few times have really started to annoy me and even hurt me a little. About 6 months ago, she kept calling me saying she was going to harm herself, then suddenly her messages and calls just stopped. I didn’t hear from her at all for 3 weeks, despite me calling and texting. I knew it wasn’t an emergency because she lives with her mum, and her mum would’ve told me if anything had happened. But she would’ve known that I was worrying but still didn’t speak to me at all, not even a quick “I’m ok but going through a bad time and can’t really talk atm”. However, I’ve never been in her shoes so I tried to be understanding.

The last two times she has done this, she has stopped speaking to me but is still active on social media. Posting on Facebook and instagram. Writing messages back to people in her comments, but completely ignoring my texts. It’s annoying me now and I really feel like I want to be done with her but I’m finding it hard because I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable due to her illness because I don’t understand it. I just feel hurt that she continuously will ignore me but still speak to other people, then comes back eventually and says “sorry, was in a bad place” but she wasn’t in a bad enough place to speak to her other friends? I sound jealous but it’s not like that, I just feel like she’s taking the piss now and uses me when she’s feeling ok and when she’s not feeling great she ignores me and goes to other friends instead. And then just comes back and expects me to carry on like she hasn’t just ghosted me for a month.

I genuinely don’t know whether I am just being judgmental, jealous, pathetic and not a good friend here. Or whether I am valid in my feelings. Has anyone had any experience in either mine or my friends position and can offer advice?

OP posts:
Chloujo · 29/11/2025 09:23

Maybe she gets a bit resentful/jealous if she thinks your life is going well when hers isn't?

Either way she sounds exhausting and I wouldn't blame you for cutting her out. Being ghosted for ages then picked up again when it suits her has got to be hurtful for you. It feels disrespectful almost. Like you'll be around waiting for her crumbs of attention.

GRex · 29/11/2025 09:22

A friend should be someone you like. You're allowed to walk away and seek out people who brighten rather than darken your life.

A small note that I do wonder why you have been sending lots of messages that aren't replied to. If your style is that you need a lot of contact, then check early that friends want the same. Not everyone wants messages every few days, it can be stiflng even though you have good intent. The best friendships are those who truly are on the same wavelength.

AmIjustawaste · 29/11/2025 09:20

Shes probably embarrassed of how she behaved and doesn’t know how to come back from that, so waits a few months in hope you forget and then cycle repeats. Next time it happens just threaten to call the police to do a welfare check.

Original poster
Avocad1sh · 29/11/2025 09:19

IamnotSethRogan · 29/11/2025 09:14

You're very entitled to not continue a friendship that puts a strain on you.

I'm not at all saying it's anything to do with you, but do you think there could be a reason why she doesn't lean on you when she's going through a bad stage ? Maybe she doesn't want to impose etc

But she doesn’t need to lean on me. The reason I have made this thread is actually because I have just seen on Facebook her friend screen shot their messages and post it, and tag her. And they’re just talking about a date she’s going on. So I’m not sure why she can talk to other friends but not me? I feel like I sound so possessive and jealous, she is of course allowed other friends. And she doesn’t have to reply to me straight away, but she ignores me for weeks on end. Then randomly comes back. And then we speak every single day. She calls me every night and sometimes I have to tell her I’m watching a movie with DP and can’t talk and she’ll say “call me afterwards” so it’s like she blows hot and cold. She talks to me every single day and then suddenly I don’t hear from her for a long time and I don’t understand why. It’s probably an unhealthy friendship anyway which is another reason I’d like to pull away

OP posts:
Maybeitllneverhappen · 29/11/2025 09:19

She sounds very like my daughter so I would ask you to be patient if you can. My daughter suffers from depression and even the simplest of responses to a text is at times overwhelming for her. She goes quiet on me and ignored messages at times because it is genuinely too hard for her to respond. I understand how annoying it is for you (it drives me mad!) but I have come to realise that it is really monumental for her to answer sometimes.

TheMorgenmuffel · 29/11/2025 09:16

Stop messaging her when she goes quiet on you.

IamnotSethRogan · 29/11/2025 09:14

You're very entitled to not continue a friendship that puts a strain on you.

I'm not at all saying it's anything to do with you, but do you think there could be a reason why she doesn't lean on you when she's going through a bad stage ? Maybe she doesn't want to impose etc