Why is BD partner obsessed with me

I’d just laugh it off to the people who show you. Nice to see you have fans. Mean girls: “why are you so obsessed with me” - or perhaps elude to the fact she has to go so hard to convince herself her DP is a good person. If she isn’t attacking you she needs to see how shite he is for herself.

You’re surrounded by some very strange people. Each time, reply to these troublemakers, ‘why have you sent me this? There are no issues between us, please don’t try to cause any. I’m not interested in other people’s social media posts’.
The posts could be about anyone. Maybe one of her brothers has a child with one of the women she’s referring to? Or maybe bad mothers irk her in general? Or she’s trying to work through problems with her own mother? Other people meddling have made you paranoid she is hung up on you, even though it’s been a decade and your children all have good relationships with each other.
Be more selective about what you look at on social media, and about other ‘friends’ who seek to expose you to it for their own entertainment.

She clearly has issues that go way beyond you and instead of acknowledging and dealing with them she is kind of transposing them onto you.

Shitty as that is, I don’t think that’s the problem here or it needn’t be a problem for you. The only reason it is, is people who are supposed to care about you keep telling you about her bullshit. Why do they do that? There is nothing to be gained by you knowing about that woman’s barely concealed insults. All it does is make you feel bad when you have no way of dealing with it. Why are they even checking out her social media?

Just tell them that, although you understand that they are interested in what she has to say, you aren’t and you don’t want to hear it. Tell them you are serious about that and if they keep passing on her shitty comments it will make it very difficult for you to continue being friends with them.

My Dad has been married 4 times. My Mum was wife number 1. Wife number 3 (who he met 20 years after leaving my Mum) would regularly phone our house and yell at my Mum for her former “crimes”. I was an adult by this time, so my Mum and Dad had literally no contact at all with each other. I think wife 3 did the same to wife 2.

I always assumed my Dad told his wife that all his failings were basically down to the abuse that he’d suffered at the hands of his former wives. So every now and then, when wife 3 was pissed off with him for something, she’d decide to blame the people she saw as the ultimate cause of it.

Luckily Wife 4 is very chilled and never gives anyone any grief!

Whilst they're hating on you, she's looking the other way in regards to his behaviour.
My abusive ex, who was also terrible to his mum, used to have us against each other so all of his behaviour was because of one of us so we'd inevitably blame the other. Hope that makes sense! These type of men are masters of manipulation.

Could be bio dad which is less cringe.

OP, block and ignore. You don’t need to be snooping on her social media. It might not even be about you.

As all men do in his (guilty) situation he will be emphasising how crazy you were to her. It’s just what they do.

Baby Daddy?

Also confused!

I think your take on this is quite strange.
you know your ex is abusive.
she doesn’t sound obsessed with you whatsoever, but rather struggling with either lies from him or being abused herself and burying head in the sand.
I would take absolutely no notice of this, other than thoughts of whether she needs any help.

You don’t know it’s about you, though. For all you know, her brother has a toxic ex and it’s all about her nephews and nieces.

I mean, if I wasn’t toxic, I’d assume it wasn’t about me.

When you use descriptors like BD/BM, what do you expect?

Ignore.

Her nasty posts reflect more about her own self than you or anyone else. Everyone can see that. Your friends know it.
Next time your friends show you something, tell them that you'd rather not see it.

Soon your child will be grown up and spending less time in that household.

Keep taking the high road, the dignified road, for the sake of showing your child a good example.

They are not the same behaviours. Calling out an abuser is not the same as trying to undermine someone who was the victim of abuse. Nope just no not the same. Have a look at the current case of the Dr in Scotland who has been slagging off his son’s victim of rape. He is currently up in court for his behaviour. The victim who has written many times about her experiences after being raped is not. See not the same behaviour.

I’d want to know my child isn’t experiencing any issues with her when staying there. In that sense, I’d have some concern.

Tell your friends to stop sending it to you and forget about her.

He may be doing to her whatever it was that he did to you. She may be blindsided by it and is refusing to accept it is happening. She can’t control him but she feels she can project onto you. I would ignore it and ask people not to send you such evidence of her obvious unhappiness

He's obviously telling her all sorts of crap about you. Whoever is telling you what she's posting on social media, tell them to stop and that you're not interested. Don't give it any more headspace and get on with your life.

I bet he compares you both. He tries to make her jealous . He’s the enemy, not her

The main priority is your child and his/her well being when with their dad, half siblings and step mum at their home. Is your dc happy to have contact at his dad’s?

If so, continue to keep it as sweet as possible for your child by ignoring all unreliable second hand information from your friends. When they bring stuff to your attention, tell them …’thanks, but as long as my child isn’t suffering when with her and as long as my name isn’t actually mentioned, it’s best for me to ignore what she writes, poor woman.’

You can’t control what she writes unless your name is actually mentioned.
She’s obviously very unhappy and trying to cover up what a terrible time she’s having by making underhand jibes. Not an attractive image she’s creating for herself at all. That’s her problem, not yours.

You can’t change what your ex and his partner do or how they behave

you can change how you react to it

stop your friends sending you stuff - tell them unless it could harm your dc then you don’t need that negativity in your lufe

Ask your friends to stop sending you her posts. You’re not interested, you don’t need to know how warped and obsessive she is. He’ll have done the classic thing many men do and given her a big sob story about you being the issue. Shocking so many women still fall for it.

She’s fawning. Currying favor with him by echoing what she’s been fed. He’s likely got her walking on eggshells and she’s trying to win back that love-bombing stage by “defending” him.

I’ve seen it so many times, and been there myself before I gained enough distance (and therapy!) to see my relationship was with an abusive man, and the way he treated me was not my fault.

just keep going and ignore her. Poor thing… I hope she gets free.

Baby daddy I think.

OP tell your mates that you're not interested in what she posts. Block her socials and just ignore her.

You can guarantee that life isn't roses and she's trying to convince herself that you're the problem. You've got a better life and it's too short to be thinking about people who don't matter much.