Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this NPD? Is he an a-hole or both?

34 replies

Travelfairy · 28/11/2025 23:16

DD is 9. Has been cast in a film and been filming all week 2 hours drive away. We stayed in a hotel but came home this evening. On way home I rang DH and asked had he gone to shops to get milk/bread etc essentials. He said 'no and that I never told him we needed this stuff' and why was i waiting til 8pm to tell him and that he wasnt going out at 8pm and to get the stuff myself with DD. He doesn't believe as a 45 year old man he should just restock things he used (he was here 3 days by himself).

She has been filming for 8 hours and a 2 hour drive. After me standing my ground he went and when we got home to 'punish' us he is basically ignoring DD. This is her first film. She was ecstatic to come home and tell him. All he said to her was 'move out of way' when he tried to get passed her on stairs.

I am guessing I'll get lots of LTB replies and honestly I'm edging towards this more and more as weeks go by. How could he do that to a child?

Any ideas how i can stop DD's little heart breaking? She was crying going to bed that shes so disappointed about how he behaved. I basically just reinforced how proud I am of her and that his behaviour is very bad. He is trying to get at me through her. She's such a gem of a child. She doesnt deserve this. He doesnt deserve a child like her or my DS who is also a brilliant kid. I'm so sick of him.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Travelfairy · 01/12/2025 09:08

I know. He started muttering under his breath last night that he doesnt get physical pleasure and has to turn to food for it. I'm honestly done but it's a bad time of year for pulling the plug. Don't want to ruin Christmas especially for DD.

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 01/12/2025 00:23

What an absolute arse, first for not getting the basics in - that's just 'stuff you do' (well, it should be), but more importantly for turning his daughter's success into something with a sour, tainted memory attached. Complete arse.

Travelfairy · 30/11/2025 23:40

redboxer321 · 30/11/2025 10:00

He is actually very success in his career but always has this kind of fragile ego although he can come across as quite arrogant.

And your daughter has threatened that by being successful herself. He'll do all he can to make sure she never succeeds at anything in life and will punish her if she does.

Omg, I had never looked at it this way.....he always says he would never be jealous of his kids....but his Dad is insanely jealous of DH and its embarrassingly obvious.....so maybe history repeating itself. I think actually his own upbringing explains a lot of how he behaves.....not excusing it...but even now his parents are all about themselves.....even on DH bday, he will ring them that evening so they can wish him a happy birthday because they wont voluntarily ring him. They are also incredibly self absorbed.

OP posts:
redboxer321 · 30/11/2025 10:00

He is actually very success in his career but always has this kind of fragile ego although he can come across as quite arrogant.

And your daughter has threatened that by being successful herself. He'll do all he can to make sure she never succeeds at anything in life and will punish her if she does.

jeaux90 · 30/11/2025 09:41

You are married right? You are entitled to a share of the assets plus child support so go and see a solicitor. Do not show your DC that this is normal and subject them to further abuse. He is a weapons grade asshole.

Travelfairy · 29/11/2025 23:15

CherieBabySpliffUp · 29/11/2025 13:17

I'm not minimising his behaviour in the slightest but if you were driving rather than using public transport could you not have picked the groceries up on the way home?

My 9 year old had been filming for 9 hours and we were on a 2 hour drive home having been away for 3 days. I rang to say we were on way home and asked had he been to shops. It wasn't fair to my DD to drag her round a supermarket at 10pm at night when she had another hectic day ahead the following day! It wasnt us who used up the milk/bread/loo roll etc made much more sense for him to pop to supermarket which btw is a 3 min walk from our house. 1 min drive.

OP posts:
CherieBabySpliffUp · 29/11/2025 13:17

I'm not minimising his behaviour in the slightest but if you were driving rather than using public transport could you not have picked the groceries up on the way home?

Travelfairy · 29/11/2025 13:12

jeaux90 · 29/11/2025 13:09

What an asshole. Seriously this would be a turning point for me. I mean we see plenty of men on here who can’t seem to operate at a fully functional adult level which is bad enough, but doing this to your DD. It’s a hard LTB from me.

I feel you are right. I have to start finding out what I am entitled to etc if I leave him. I'm scared tbh

OP posts:
Travelfairy · 29/11/2025 13:11

Couldyounot · 29/11/2025 12:52

Bless you, OP. It doesn't sound like he has NPD. It sounds like he's a cunt.

Nail on head

OP posts:
Travelfairy · 29/11/2025 13:11

JudgeBread · 29/11/2025 12:56

Oh fuck off, asking a grown man to go out and buy milk and bread to replace what he's used isn't even remotely rude and she absolutely does not owe him an apology for expecting him to act like a normal fucking human being who shares a space with other human beings. Jesus fucking christ.

I know! 'Demanding groceries' ...I didnt ask him for a kidney ffs 😂😂

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 29/11/2025 13:09

What an asshole. Seriously this would be a turning point for me. I mean we see plenty of men on here who can’t seem to operate at a fully functional adult level which is bad enough, but doing this to your DD. It’s a hard LTB from me.

Ambridgefan · 29/11/2025 13:02

Mayflower282 · 28/11/2025 23:21

That’s completely out of order for him to treat his DD like that, how awful. But also….you were very rude to him, I think you owe him an apology for demanding groceries.

She wasn't rude to him on the least! Why shouldn't he make sure that there is good in the house for his child? He had used up what was in the house, it was his responsibility to make sure it was replaced for when his child and wife returned after a very busy time and long journey

Timemyluckchanged · 29/11/2025 12:59

Couldyounot · 29/11/2025 12:52

Bless you, OP. It doesn't sound like he has NPD. It sounds like he's a cunt.

This @Travelfairy

JudgeBread · 29/11/2025 12:56

Mayflower282 · 28/11/2025 23:21

That’s completely out of order for him to treat his DD like that, how awful. But also….you were very rude to him, I think you owe him an apology for demanding groceries.

Oh fuck off, asking a grown man to go out and buy milk and bread to replace what he's used isn't even remotely rude and she absolutely does not owe him an apology for expecting him to act like a normal fucking human being who shares a space with other human beings. Jesus fucking christ.

Couldyounot · 29/11/2025 12:52

Bless you, OP. It doesn't sound like he has NPD. It sounds like he's a cunt.

Travelfairy · 29/11/2025 12:32

She was up til 1.30am, couldnt sleep with the upset and now shes exhausted on set. He's a selfish prick. Tried to talk to him but he blew up but apologised to her privately. I just feel so sorry for her. To answer a poster, no hes not a failed actor or similar. He is actually very success in his career but always has this kind of fragile ego although he can come across as quite arrogant.

Anyway I dont know why I cant just ltb. He financially provides well for us and I dont work as I am a carer for other child. I have posted many times on here about him. We are essentially living separate lives. We barely have sex, only occasionally. He has let himself get obese (again) despite being on ozempic/MJ! He has zero empathy which makes me think NPD. He has been seeing a therapist for 2 years re work stress and I see zero improvement in him. I want out i suppose but money and also that my DD fears divorce more than anything that keeps me in this shitshow. He is interviewing for a job abroad. I'm thinking if he gets it that might be a way out. Quiet divorce or whatever they call it.
I have just honestly had enough of him in so many ways

OP posts:
CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 29/11/2025 07:31

Is he a failed actor / performer, by any chance? And now he's consumed with jealousy because your daughter is doing the thing he desperately wanted to do all his life?

I really couldn't be arsed with jealous adult men. I'd be having a serious Come-to-Jesus talk with him once DD is in bed.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 29/11/2025 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Imagine advising someone asking for help about their awful husband and blaming fhen for being there. You are an apologist for shitty male behaviour. You should work on that.

Op said she is heading towards leaving him but clearly your concentration span did nit last that long in the thread. You are an embarrassment to women.

unsync · 29/11/2025 06:53

He sounds jealous of his daughter. He's had to cope for three whole days without his female domestic because of his daughter and doesn't like it. Does he usually partake in the daily drudge or is that left to you?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 29/11/2025 05:48

Even if it is NPD, treatment rarely works as they don't believe they are the problem. My dad is diagnosed NPD and your post took me back to my childhood. I've been no contact with him for over 15 years.

Newnamehiwhodis · 29/11/2025 05:40

He is disgusting. Unless you get her away from him, she’s going to learn not to shine too brightly, as it threatens men. He basically withheld any normal father reaction from her (love, pride) and to her it must feel like punishment.

I would not stay with a lowlife like that for anything in the world.

op if you want your child to have a chance at growing up healthy and forming healthy, respectful relationships, please leave this creep.

this can’t be said emphatically enough. The damage he did to her in this instance is incalculable, as she’s so young, and it was something of her very own where she shone on her own merits… and he behaved like a jealous bully.

HelenaWaiting · 29/11/2025 04:52

Mayflower282 · 28/11/2025 23:21

That’s completely out of order for him to treat his DD like that, how awful. But also….you were very rude to him, I think you owe him an apology for demanding groceries.

WTAF??

notallwhowanderare · 28/11/2025 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Travelfairy · 28/11/2025 23:36

Thanks all. On the comment on bollock him in private....he won't care. He'll say its my fault I didnt tell him (a 45 year old) that he needed to replace the things that had run out whole we were away..he is never at fault. He never apologises.

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 28/11/2025 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Swipe left for the next trending thread