AIBU to say my Dyson is a Cunt?

WinterOnItsWayOut · 01/12/2025 12:08

@RanchRat- The highest % like v dislike is the Miele….

GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin · 01/12/2025 10:46

Who can possibly be designing these things?

People who can afford cleaners because they've made a fortune flogging shit products?

Original poster

RanchRat · 01/12/2025 10:31

Not wishing to fester in filth for the rest of my days I have counted up the scores for the major vacuum players in this thread hoping to find the holy grail.

50 posters thought their Dyson was a cunt, while 20 posters loved them to bits, though most of those 20 had the older models.

16 posters thought Henry was lovable, while 8 thought he was a wanker.

8 posters adored their Sharks, while 10 thought they were shit.

7 loved their Vax, though 2 thought they were vile.

5 loved the Miele but 1 loathed it.

The samples are small and I lack the intellectual capacity to weight the figures, but it looks to me that Henry is the winner by a whisker. Henry has the advantage of being cheap, though he smells, is clumsy and has an awful smirk, but as we know the bar is often set low.

What is astonishing is that a piece of houshold equipment that is so widely used is so universally fucking useless. Who can possibly be designing these things?

OP posts:

IsFearrCuplaFocalNaCuplaFuckAll · 30/11/2025 21:38

I have an insanely floofy dog who sheds twice a year. (Google Akita shedding to see full extent and it goes on for weeks) no hoover can handle him apart from a £50 screwfix speciale. It’s just the cheapest cylinder titan builders hoover but it’s lasted years and all the other brand lasted minutes in comparison. Fully recommend.

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/11/2025 21:27

WalkDontWalk · 30/11/2025 15:39

Yes. That's what I was trying to get over. They are absolutely fucking useless.

However, it may be that you are an unusually perceptive person, and untypically quick on the uptake, so I cannot be sure that your having understood how absolutely fucking useless Dysons are necessarily implies that all or even most other readers will have cottoned on to the absolute fucking uselessness of the Dyson.

So forgive me if I use this post to re-emphasise the fact that Dysons are absolutely fucking useless.

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Thanks for clearing that up.

I threw my absolutely useless Dyson today, I feel cleansed.

Original poster

RanchRat · 30/11/2025 15:56

Lurking in the corner of my shed, biding its time, I have a Bex Bissell manual sweeper that is more use than my Dyson. At least it tries hard.

OP posts:

JudgeJ · 30/11/2025 15:41

BlakeCarrington · 29/11/2025 14:52

That’s alright sweet-cheeks, be my guest.

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Ah the voice of MN hypocrisy, hiw dare one not toe the 'official' line!

NewAgeNewMe · 30/11/2025 15:41

WalkDontWalk · 30/11/2025 15:11

We have two Dysons. We bought the second one because the first one was playing up and we got sick of coaxing it to do its job. We thought we just had a dud. Or one of the kids had messed it up. Or anything other that what turned out to be the case.

The case being - they're absolutely fucking useless. Now we have two absolutely fucking useless Dysons and have to keep track of which is the slightly-less-absolutely-fucking-useless one. I really cannot understand how that company is so successful, when their flagship product is....and I want to be certain that I've made this clear...absolutely fucking useless.

There's an upside though. We've more or less decided that hoovering's optional.

This has made me laugh so much! I’ve just investigated and Sebo do a cordless so that might be my next one when my current Dyson dies about 3 days out of warranty.

WalkDontWalk · 30/11/2025 15:39

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/11/2025 15:24

@WalkDontWalkjust to be absolutely sure, are you saying Dysons are absolutely fucking useless?

Edited

Yes. That's what I was trying to get over. They are absolutely fucking useless.

However, it may be that you are an unusually perceptive person, and untypically quick on the uptake, so I cannot be sure that your having understood how absolutely fucking useless Dysons are necessarily implies that all or even most other readers will have cottoned on to the absolute fucking uselessness of the Dyson.

So forgive me if I use this post to re-emphasise the fact that Dysons are absolutely fucking useless.

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/11/2025 15:24

@WalkDontWalkjust to be absolutely sure, are you saying Dysons are absolutely fucking useless?

auctionhome · 30/11/2025 15:13

Soonenough · 29/11/2025 10:53

So many issues with Dyson and I felt a fool for falling for the hype and spending silly money on mine . Then tried to justify it to everyone . But the cleaner just gave me pitying looks.
So on from that what do people recommend? It needs to be cordless lightweight and good suction for dog hair .

My Dyson hairdryer is a cunt too but harmless. But I didn't buy it so no angst involved.

I like my vax cordless a lot

WalkDontWalk · 30/11/2025 15:11

We have two Dysons. We bought the second one because the first one was playing up and we got sick of coaxing it to do its job. We thought we just had a dud. Or one of the kids had messed it up. Or anything other that what turned out to be the case.

The case being - they're absolutely fucking useless. Now we have two absolutely fucking useless Dysons and have to keep track of which is the slightly-less-absolutely-fucking-useless one. I really cannot understand how that company is so successful, when their flagship product is....and I want to be certain that I've made this clear...absolutely fucking useless.

There's an upside though. We've more or less decided that hoovering's optional.

slowbam · 30/11/2025 14:57

I’ve got a shark. It gets blocked all the time bastard time too. I have three chopsticks taped together to clear the pole basically every time I use it.

NewAgeNewMe · 30/11/2025 14:51

I’ve just remembered the pure joy of owning a Sebo. But it was an upright & heavy and due to my mobility issues I needed something easier. Sad days when I handed it over to my mum.

GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin · 30/11/2025 14:41

Ah, Dyson vacuums. Ridiculously heavy, which made heaving it up and down the stairs such fun. Of course, hoovering all the stairs from either the top or bottom was out of the question because the cord was too fucking short. It regularly clogged up with hair (I mean, I know it's on the floor but maybe try sucking it up rather than winding it around your rollers?), shut itself off mid-hoover for no discernible reason, and the latch for releasing the canister was far too close to the latch for opening the canister. Those are not things you want to mix up, especially as you'll struggle to re-vacuum up the canister contents up because the fucking thing has overheated and turned itself off AGAIN.

I took great delight in hurling into a skip at the tip. Mind you, I replaced it with a Henry which is almost as much of a little bastard as he gets stuck on every door-frame, slightly-raised floorboard and infinitesimally-sized carpet lump going.

I'm just going to give up vacuuming.

CabernetAndCocoMelon · 30/11/2025 14:22

OverlyFragrant · 28/11/2025 14:15

Henry hoovers are the way and cost a fifth of your dyson

This.

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 30/11/2025 14:20

Dyson and shark are both a pile of absolute shit! Henry is far cheaper and far better.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 30/11/2025 14:12

Really shit vacuum cleaners. I will never buy Dyson.

Original poster

RanchRat · 30/11/2025 13:55

My Dyson is hiding in the pantry. I know you're there you little fucker.

OP posts:

ChristmasFluff · 30/11/2025 12:18

OverlyFragrant · 28/11/2025 14:15

Henry hoovers are the way and cost a fifth of your dyson

No way! I am a cleaner, use a Henry at work, and I hate the little bastard with a passion. Always gets stuck on even the smallest of obstacles, will only pick up on certain carpets, and smells of dog after about half an hour's use, even if you have a clean bag. And does it all with a self-satisfied smirk, because he knows what he's doing.

I had Dysons for most of my adult life, and their customer service is great. They once sent out an engineer even though I was out of warranty, and he replaced the broken part for free, and gave me some new attachments too! So definitely phone up Dyson customer care, OP.

I currently have a Miele 'dog and cat', because it was on offer, and I love it. Even better than a Dyson. Miele all the way for me now.

RowersDelight · 30/11/2025 09:21

Hated my Dyson. I now have a Bosch unlimited 7. Brilliant!

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/11/2025 09:01

ElinoristhenewEnid · 30/11/2025 08:58

The rolls Royce of all Dysons DC1 just about to celebrate its 26th birthday! Complete with all attachments.

That’s what we had first time round. It was like Triggers brush with the amount of replaced parts. Should never have got rid of it.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 30/11/2025 08:58

The rolls Royce of all Dysons DC1 just about to celebrate its 26th birthday! Complete with all attachments.

monkeysox · 30/11/2025 08:51

RanchRat · 28/11/2025 14:11

in a year I have only been able to use it a handful of times. It stops working after a couple of minutes and I have to pull a piece of fluff out of its arse before it will go again. I have never been able to do more than half a rug before it needs emptying and the fucking clips that are supposed to be so easy to open are actually very stiff and I have to lie the dirty bastard on my clean sofa to get them open. I have spent more time watching You Tube videos on how to coax the little fucker to work than I have vacuuming. You have to wash the filter, no, you have to replace the filter, no, you have to tweeze a couple of hairs out of its backside. I bought it because it was light and I am old and struggled with my heavy hoover. The worst £500 I have ever spent and could ill afford.

Yabu. Shark is a cunt. Cant take it to bits to clean it. Miss the dyson.

Itsaknockout235 · 30/11/2025 08:19

My FIL broke my old, beloved dyson because he thought it was broken (it wasn’t), so he snapped it and smashed it in frustration (dementia).

New one just can’t handle life itself. Always losing suction.

I was looking forward to Brexit because potential bonfire of elf and safety rules. I thought ‘finally, my life dream of a hoover with a 50cc engine will come true’. Nope. The festival of flimsiness continues.