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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not get the table grabbing behaviour at a cafe?

219 replies

IncognitoPanda · 28/11/2025 13:29

It’s Black Friday - needless to say it’s heaving. Queue of maybe 10 people at a cafe where you order at the counter and tables generally very busy. I cannot believe the number of people who think it’s reasonable to put one person in the queue whilst the other smugly nabs a table as people leave to sit saving it for their party when people who have queued and paid cannot find a table by the time their drinks are made. AIBU to go and join them at their table and make awkward small talk whilst their buddy still queues so that my coffee doesn’t go cold as a solo shopper?

OP posts:
pinkpony88 · 28/11/2025 16:24

ohyesido · 28/11/2025 14:34

Because table grabbing is poor form

So you order your food without a table then when your food is ready there isn’t a table to sit at. What do you do then? That situation is bizarre. I wouldn’t pay to eat out and then have to stand up and eat it.

RedRiverShore5 · 28/11/2025 16:23

You could just go and plonk yourself in an empty seat at saved table if you are on your own, it's not hard.

Ophy83 · 28/11/2025 16:18

Cafes could easily resolve this e.g. by having a seating area specifically for solo customers - a large table/bench by the window or similar.

ThatCyanCat · 28/11/2025 16:16

Topseyt123 · 28/11/2025 16:09

If I go to a café with DH or any of my DDs then one (or more) of us always go to get a table while the other queues to order and pay.

Why wouldn't we? Who wants to get and pay for their food and drink and risk having nowhere to sit and eat it? Not me!

If you came to park your arse at my table while I was waiting for DH to finish paying I would give you very short shrift indeed. You might even hear the words "fuck off" from me.

What would you do if she said it was very busy and asked if you would mind sharing the table?

ThatCyanCat · 28/11/2025 16:14

HonoriaBulstrode · 28/11/2025 13:33

I would always make sure I had somewhere to sit before ordering.

How do you do that if you're on your own?

It is annoying to see half the tables each occupied by one person with no food or drink while people are walking round with trays looking for somewhere to sit.

How do you do that if you're on your own?

You can't. That's one of the pros of hunting in packs. There are pros to hunting solo, but this is one of the cons.

Happyher · 28/11/2025 16:13

HonoriaBulstrode · 28/11/2025 13:33

I would always make sure I had somewhere to sit before ordering.

How do you do that if you're on your own?

It is annoying to see half the tables each occupied by one person with no food or drink while people are walking round with trays looking for somewhere to sit.

I’ve seen single people put their coat on a chair and scarf on the table to reserve it. Obviously depends when you are but people generally respect it

Tessasanderson · 28/11/2025 16:10

I'm with the people who find a seat/table then one of you queues for the food. As others have said, imagine getting to the till, paying and then presuming/expecting or not having a seat to go to.

When you go into a restaurant to eat they sit you first, then take your order. I see it the same way

Topseyt123 · 28/11/2025 16:09

If I go to a café with DH or any of my DDs then one (or more) of us always go to get a table while the other queues to order and pay.

Why wouldn't we? Who wants to get and pay for their food and drink and risk having nowhere to sit and eat it? Not me!

If you came to park your arse at my table while I was waiting for DH to finish paying I would give you very short shrift indeed. You might even hear the words "fuck off" from me.

Butchyrestingface · 28/11/2025 16:09

In my misspent youth, I worked at BK. We were instructed to order people who don't have food off the tables so those who did could sit down.

I understood the logic, but it tended not to go down well, especially when you have a teenager doing the asking/telling.

There was also signage up advising patrons of this rule.

MichelleCancelled · 28/11/2025 15:52

I've never understood this. Of course you find a table when there are more than 2 of you. 3+ people in a queue is just taking up space.

Now my mum is elderly she needs to sit down, though I've never done it any other way so she must have taught me it.

This for me is an only on Mumsnet thing. I've not encountered this anywhere else.

AnnaFrith · 28/11/2025 15:49

I think the theory is that the cafe would be able to serve more customers if people didn't take a table until after they've bought their food.
But that doesn't benefit the customer, who carries all the risk of being left with their food or drink and nowhere to sit. I would never buy food in a cafe if I hadn't secured a table first. If there aren't any free tables to my liking, I'll just go somewhere else.
And HELL NO to sharing my table with a stranger.

Leopardsandcheetahsarefast · 28/11/2025 15:49

HonoriaBulstrode · 28/11/2025 13:33

I would always make sure I had somewhere to sit before ordering.

How do you do that if you're on your own?

It is annoying to see half the tables each occupied by one person with no food or drink while people are walking round with trays looking for somewhere to sit.

Put your coat jumper or whatever on the back of a chair!

latetothefisting · 28/11/2025 15:45

I've never considered it "smug" to want to sit at a table to eat 😂

Namechange6789998212 · 28/11/2025 15:44

I mean unless you’re expecting them to stand up plate in hand eating a jacket potato then what are they meant to do? Pretty normal to not order food until you’ve made sure you’ve got somewhere to eat it.

latetothefisting · 28/11/2025 15:41

I was genuinely surprised the first time I saw this on MN (where it crops up multiple times a year) that anyone would be the least bit offended by this. Like most of the pps, to me it makes perfect sense to get a table first before ordering and in all my years of going out for coffee etc with friends/family/colleagues I've never seen anyone do otherwise.

Even when I eat out alone I don't begrudge anyone else doing it! As others have said, you can still reserve a seat with a coat or whatever if you're alone. Or, as one person it is easier to jump into a seat when it becomes free, or to share a table with someone.

It's also quicker, more efficient, and safer for everyone if one or two members of a large group go up and order for their group - I'd rather queue behind one person ordering 5 drinks while the other 4 sit down than be out the door in the rain because 5 people are putting in and paying for individual orders then standing round awkwardly with hot drinks in one hand and food in the other because there's nowhere for them to sit!

LeonMccogh · 28/11/2025 15:35

Are people really this helpless in life!?

paradisecircus · 28/11/2025 15:35

Tbf I think most people do that. I wouldn't want to queue if there was a chance of not being able to sit down. Probably unfair, yeah

Noshowlomo · 28/11/2025 15:19

Why are some going on about grabbing a table like it’s a bad thing. Like it’s “grabby”. Isn’t that the whole point, you NEED the table to sit, eat and drink, so therefore you GRAB what you need before you get your food.
It’s not grabby. It’s the whole point of eating out.

Nothungrycat · 28/11/2025 15:12

If you're not familiar with the cafe, you sometimes get to the top of the queue only to discover that they need a table number in order to deliver your food/coffee. If you haven't grabbed a table, you then have to forfeit your place in the queue and start all over again! So, I'd always grab a table first, just in case.

RandomNewIdentity · 28/11/2025 15:07

I often put a book or my coat on a table then go to the bar / counter to order if I'm on my own.

Soupdragon41 · 28/11/2025 15:02

I’m disabled and struggle to stand for long periods ( more than a minute or so) so I sit down while my husband queues. What else are we supposed to do?

Megifer · 28/11/2025 15:02

Friendlygingercat · 28/11/2025 14:07

Even if the table is occupied the other person cannot prevent you from seating yourself. They dont own the seats and are entitled only to the one the occupy. Asking "Do you mind" is a mere formaility. If someone said "Yes" I would tell them "well thats a pity because Im entitled to a seat. You have my permission to move if you dont want to share a table."

I dont often go to cafes alone now but when I did I always left my coat draped right across the table to show it was occupied. And Ive had some interesting conversations with strangers in a busy cafe who asked if they could share a table. When I go with a relative I sit at the table and he queues.

Ive only had this happen once, someone asking-not-asking to sit at the other seat and started sitting down looking like she was ready for me to say no. I said my friend had just popped to the toilet and we were waiting for our orders to be brought over so the seat was indeed taken. Worked a treat as she couldn't argue with that so Im always prepared with that line now 😬

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 28/11/2025 15:00

HonoriaBulstrode · 28/11/2025 13:33

I would always make sure I had somewhere to sit before ordering.

How do you do that if you're on your own?

It is annoying to see half the tables each occupied by one person with no food or drink while people are walking round with trays looking for somewhere to sit.

It's annoying having people wandering around with laden trays simpering about where they could possibly sit because they didn't have the wherewithal to secure it before getting their food.

Only one set of people in this situation are employing their brains.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 28/11/2025 14:58

The "queue then find a table" system for plated food is, frankly, moronic.

You need a table to sit and eat a plated meal. Unless they're handing out food in a paper bag, get a table first and then get your food.

TheGrimSmile · 28/11/2025 14:51

Having said that, if there are seats at my table, I'm happy for others to perch on the end.