Partner won’t change Trust

I would start with only the very business like pragmatic decision of, if he was run over by a bus or injured tomorrow, what would he want to happen regarding your child. Where would they live, how would they be provided for till they are 18 etc.

Yet again a story on mumsnet where a woman has a child with a man who won’t marry her and doesn’t want to otherwise financially protect her. Did you not discuss it before committing to having children with him?

He’s the recipient of trust , is he able to change the terms to make OP beneficiary? I do agree that he needs to protect his financial asset and as a parents to the baby make provision for baby. So, currently she’s his girlfriend. He’s not compelled to make financial provision for her, he should make financial provision for the baby.
I also think that women shouldn’t put themselves in a position were they are financially dependent on a man. At the moment this is all very precarious for OP she lives in a house that he is the owner , if she’s not on the deeds if the relationship breaks down he could ask her to leave .
However she’s not compelled to pay toward the mortgage upkeep or maintenance of the house and I probably wouldn’t if I was her. Is he paying for her dentistry degree? She’s only in the first year that’s a bit tricky if she’s dependent upon him for fees and living costs.

The only leverage you have now is to leave but you have left yourself very vulnerable as you have a child and you have embarked on a long course. Not sure what to advise as he has absolutely no incentive to start treating you as a partner/wife when you have already given him a child and sacrificed your time/money/career on a pregnancy and maternity leave with no commitment from him in return.

These questions should have come before you decided to choose him as a life partner when he hadn’t chosen you as his. I genuinely hope everything goes well until you finish your course - at least you’ll be able to live independently and support yourself once you qualify as a dentist.

Let me guess, your son has his surname too?

It's exactly because of men like him, that women are advised to get married before having children.

Your son is his NoK though, so he is "family", if he dies suddenly, you'll need to register as administrator (I think), or something to ensure your son gets what is legally his. Unless of course this selfish man (he's not your partner) has written a Will excluding his son.

Dentistry sounds like. Good plan.nibthink it impressive op is doing that. Maybe she can re evaluate when she's done school.

You say that currently his trust is to benefit his family but not you or your son. Who will benefit then? Parents, siblings, other children?
It’s great that you are doing a dentistry degree that should stand you in good stead for the future.
Presumably he’s paying all household costs at the moment? I would squirrel away as much as you can for your future!
I don’t think he will answer any of those questions either. Maybe another way to frame it is that he should be paying for childcare as you are unable to access funding due to his earnings and you are effectively saving him costs as you are
at home more.

I think it is likely that there is a family trust which his family have set up which offers him financial support however since he did not set up the trust he is unlikely to have the legal means to alter it, although obviously the benefits he gains from the trust add to his personal financial security and wealth.

HOWEVER , he is earning, and apparently owns property outright, so these are financial assets, including death in service benefits, pension rights etc , over which he does have complete control, so the fact that he is choosing not to / refusing to name the OP and his son on these assets and offer them financial security speaks volumes about his attitude towards them, his trust in the longevity of the relationship and his attitude towards money generally.

I don’t think I could trust someone who refuses to even discuss these issues. This is not an equal relationship.

I don't normally advise this sort of thing... but given that you've got another three years minimum before you're earning any money you might be better off keeping your head down and playing the long game until you have qualified.

I don't see the point in presenting him with a list of questions as you've described. If he gave a shit about you and your child he would have considered this a long time ago and would have responded positively when you initially raised the question about the trust. It's hard to see why he is suddenly going to respond positively when cornered.

There's no push factor for him to see the light on this and its not in his interests to change.

Can you suck it up for another three years?

Who is his “family” to benefit otherwise? Your dc is a dependant but you are not. Someone would need to be nominated to manage it while your dc was a child though. Do you have any assets?

They have both been irresponsible but it's OP who has no safety net

You need to have a frank conversation with him.

Bear in mind that he may be powerless to change the beneficiaries of the trust. Only the Trustees have that ability, and if he is not a Trustee then there's nothing he can do.

Me too.

It sounds as though he's not even prepared to ensure the future financial security of his child, unless he's made provision in a will and is keeping quiet about it.

And if he's letting the OP worry when he's made provision, he's an utter shit and I'd definitely leave him.

He won't even disclose what he earns? This is very bad news.

I hope he's very good in bed at least because he sounds like piece of work otherwise.

He need make provision for his child
He is not Not compelled to make provision for you. Evidently he doesn’t want to marry you. Out of interest has he always been clear that marriage wasn’t on cards? Or was he vague about marriage
So you I recommend you need to FT work on graduation (for career progression and security) and he proportionally jointly pay for the childcare

Prepare for these questions to be fired back at you too. What provisions have you made for your child? What insurance have you taken out? What did you bring to this relationship in terms of assets? Are you giving him access to your assets? How do you plan to fund your child's life as you're not working? Put yourself in his position - he's rightly going to query all this if you are querying him.

I'm in two minds about this. I'm on his side when it comes to what provisions he's made for you. He's accrued all these assets before you came along and you chose to have a child with him knowing this and without a marriage certificate. It's a bit late to challenge this now. However, I would expect him to make provisions for his child. But if you don't know about his insurance and trusts etc, how do you know he hasn't?

What's the background to your relationship? I'm trying to figure out how two people with such different financial opinions get to the point of having a child together.

Agree. Focus on that, and don't have any more DC during that time. You can get life insurance out that would pay you if he dies, so do that too.

It sounds as if he’s not bothered about his child’s welfare, which is very concerning.

Do you have family who could help you get sorted out if you break up or something happens to him? Honestly, I’d assume that this relationship isn’t going to last and make a contingency plan for when you break up. Once you’re qualified, you’ll be fine, but you need an exit plan if it happens before then.

It makes me both cross and sad when women put themselves in such a vulnerable position. Why oh why would a woman have a child with a man that won't marry them, will not make provision for them and won't even tell them their salary? Surely you get all that in place before you get pregnant? What happens if the man decides he doesn't want to be a partner or dad anymore and literally kicks the woman out? And the woman has absolutely no means to support themself and their child. It happens, it's well known that it happens, why, why why put yourself in that tenuous position? Because you think your man is a "good man" and would never let you down?

Well, quite. I just find it quite depressing so many women find themselves in this situation

This

You wouldn't need to pay the mortgage after his death OP - the properties will belong to his heirs which sounds like is not you or his child, and you will have to move out.

Can you honestly imagine this man doing equal childcare and housework?

Imagine a parent not wanting to make sure his child and partner aren't protected in the event of his death?

Sorry but I think his message is very clear & strong. He's not concerned about you/your child's futures & he's really not into this relationship or family OP.