Partner won’t change Trust

And if its in trust, the life beneficiary cannot will it to anyone, it will follow the directions set out in the trust.

Property held in trust doesn't belong to the life beneficiary, it belongs to the trustees.

It says in the original post that she gave up her job and is a student.

Anyone can have a will written, tell their partner and then get it changed the next day. You would never know. You are in a vulnerable position. Do not assume you can stay in the house if he was to die. Family ie siblings can kick you out.

We don't know how this trust situation works, in my case the trust was written in 1965, I wasn't born until '79 but was already in the trust as an un-named "issue".

I have my home to live in for my life, my name is on the deeds, I am a trustee, along with the family solicitor - but I have no rights to change the instructions of the trust - my DW has no claim on the home and won't be on the deeds, unless she becomes a trustee, but that gives her no rights, and I cannot control that and didn't write it!

I don't often agree with the 'just leave him' but in this case I would be tempted, he got what he wanted (you and a child) so now he doesn't need to marry you and he won't. Have you got a good job? I would prioritise your career over everything else and save like mad for your future.

This should have been sorted out before now. You are in a weak position as regards finances. But you can't force him into marriage.

He doesn't love you or your son. If he did he would ensure that you (and especially your son) are provided for properly. The fact that he wants to leave everything to "his family" but that doesn't include you or his son in that means he doesn't see you or even his own son as part of his family.

Not sure that is a guy I would want to stick around for! He is making his priorities very clear to you.

You mention a trust, it is possible that the home is in his name on the deeds, but he is not its legal owner if it is part of a trust.

I am named on the deeds to my house, but it is held in a family trust of which I am trustee, but cannot vary the terms of, so maybe he cannot change it?

You need to get legal advice on what happens if he dies while your child is a financial dependent.

Once you know what the law says you can discuss the options with him.

It's complex, so best to get advice sooner rather than later.

@Wildbushlady I agree, she needs to put herself and her son’s welfare first - and have a contingency plan in case they break up before she’s qualified. I hope she has supportive family who could help her in that event.

If she treats the relationship as one she can't rely on she wont be. If she recognises the truth and focuses on buying her own property and looking after herself and son first then she will be ok.

Though it seems pointless to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your and your shared child's security in event of death/break up.

The real danger is in hanging around, hoping that this man will do the right thing. Putting money into his house and savings, instead if her own, when she and her son will be left out in the cold when he dies.

I can’t fathom why you’ve had a child with him, or stayed with him at all. A good man wouldn’t treating the mother of his child that way. He’d have married you years ago. I know it’s easier said than done to leave but I couldn’t be with a man like that.

So Debbie McGee, what first attracted you to multi-millionaire Paul Daniels...

He has a moral and legal duty to not disinherit his first son by dint of a second family.

Where are people getting this other 'first born son' stuff from? I've re-read OP's posts and she doesn't mention that he's been married or had other kids before. You could assume it's a possibility as he's reluctant to marry now, but I'm not seeing any facts about it. The mention of the trust going to his 'family' is more likely the suggestion some have made that it's his family (e.g. parents) who made the trust for him and it will revert to them if anything happens to him.

@Wildbushlady Why will the OP be a pauper when she’s a dentist? She’ll be fine once she’s qualified, it’s the next five years that she’s financially vulnerable.

Sorry OP, I haven't had time to read all the replies, so I'll ask this (just in case someone else hasn't)

"Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned."

What do you mean by that? Are his properties held in a Trust? If so, who are the trustees? And, it would be very unusual for the Trust documents not to state what happens in the event of his death.

This. In a nutshell.

And our dd's partner did leg it. She' now in gone from living in a lovely modern new build to a 50s 2 bed mid-terrace. Though with a gorgeous child.

And I bet his new woman is sweating over this issue too though they are childless & he has no Trust that we know of. Wish that he did in our case - other side of the fence.

This kind of happened to a friend. She had a son and the property they were living in was attached to partners job. He then got ill and passed in six months. They married in hospital and friends rallied round to help raise money to pay off a mortgage and she is now raising their son and has his pension payments. You're in an unbelievably vulnerable position.

The main question is what provision is he making to raise your son if he dies.

Then more than likely you'd need to get married to make that easier.

If he refused to get married you should have refused to bear his child.

You've left yourself and your son in a very vulnerable situation, and your partner knows it. He is unlikely to give up his power now.

So you face a life of sticking it out, constantly vulnerable and probably being left a pauper after his death. Or leaving and breaking your sons family up.

Good luck.

He won’t even tell me his salary 🤷🏼‍♀️
Fuck me... this is SO wrong

In a normal, balanced relationship yes, but if OP's ever given the impression of being attracted to him for his money I can just about see why he wouldn't disclose all his finances - after all it's what we advise women to do if they're in the better position and have taken in a man with much less who's pushing for commitment

As for "having a straight conversation with him" and "making sure he does 50% of the housework/chilcare", I expect OP's twigged that this could ensure an ever quicker departure for her, which reduces her options even further

Just curious OP: would you advocate him leaving nothing to his firstborn?

You have no right to his money. He's been very clear and honest about that.

It's highly unlikely that the trust names the beneficiaries as "my family" if this is in England as trust beneficiaries have to be named- either specifically named, or clearly identifiable "eg biological children of [name]. Did he set this trust up or is it a family trust of which he's also currently a beneficiary? If so it's possible that your son may be a beneficiary as a direct descendant but you won't be.

Yes...

This also meams he's earning over 100k

I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold

Don’t you mean ‘WE don’t have access to free childcare’? childcare is as much his responsibility as it is yours.