Partner won’t change Trust

If you told him that you would like to get married would this change his mind ?
Say that you want to be a family and have the same name etc etc.
My sister's husband passed away within 3 weeks of becoming unwell. This not only caused distress and a tremendous amount of grief but very difficult financial situation was the result.
With young children on top of that plus the death of his parents within 6 months of this and they had not made a will , so finances were dealt with so that only her husband's siblings benefitted.
So a loss of 3 family members who were very close to her children , and my sister having to get 2 jobs.
He needs to sort this ASAP , next time he tells you that he loves you , tell him to prove it and sort the situation out .
Good luck.

This...

But it's a truth no one wants to hear.

It's quite unusual to need a nurse visit and further tests unless you disclose something concerning in the initial questionnaire e.g. high blood pressure, long period signed off work, or that you had a mole investigated recently. Most of the time you fill in the questionnaire and can pay then and there.

It's not true to say that the person "doesn't have to do anything" though. They have to provide their medical information and sign to give permission. I find @Eroll 's post confusing unless she means she filled in a policy in his name on his behalf and put her email address which is quite different!

I find it very concerning that OP thinks she'd be paying the mortgage on this house! Not unless she buys it off the beneficiary of his estate...

Completely agree that women should not have a baby without the security of marriage if it could leave them vulnerable - I said as much earlier in the thread.

You won't have to make the mortgage payments any more than the next door neighbour would have to make them. The property is nothing to do with you, so stop worrying about that.

Ask him more about the Trust-some one will be named in that and you do need to find out who that is.

Is he supporting you financially while you study? If he is, are you confident he will keep doing so and, if you are, it might be worth sticking around until you have qualified and can show him your heels. At least you will have got your education out of him.

Make sure that you don't fall pregnant again with him unless and until he marries you.

They don't find themselves in this situation.

They PUT themselves in it.

You'd think so wouldn't you?

But some women - and we've no way of knowing if OP's one of them - don't think that far, instead just seeing the pound signs, insisting what a "good guy" they are and hoping for the best

Sad really, but it's a choice and not always a good one

Edited to add he's not "put her" in any position, @HamptonPlace; she's done that all by herself, unless perhaps he promised marriage and then reneged, and there's nothing to suggest that
And even then it's open to women to wait until the marriage actually transpires before bringing children into a deeply unstable situation

How does this work though, as my own life insurance recently involved a battery of health assessments including full access to my medical records and a nurses visit to do tests.

That’s how they decided how likely I was to die soon so they could quote a £ per month to insure my life.

without contact with the insured how do they know he isn’t a 100 a day smoker with genetic bowel cancer and a previous heart attack? No one would want to insure that.

No one should get married unless they want to

If marriage is important to one partner, they should find someone else who wants to marry

I took out life insurance on my husband he didnt have to do anything you can do that and and just put your email address down for his contact. He does know about it but is just rubbish at admin so I just organised it myself .

She doesn’t pay it does she? Her post asks how she’d pay it if he died, so presumably he’s the one who makes monthly payments

Why were you paying mortgage on a property that you don’t own and have no legal right to? He’s going to leave it to his relatives and you shouldn’t be paying anything towards it! It’s not your property! You’re just his girlfriend legally and had no rights over anything! Get your own place whether that is housing association or council or private rental etc and make sure you and only you are on the tenancy and bills etc and then claim UC etc as a single parent. He clearly gives no crap about you and your security

Well if it were me having demands placed on me about signing over trusts (that I may in fact have very little control over) and demands on what my salary were I would not be too happy about that.

I'm sure if the roles were reversed the opinions on here on what you should do in response to those sorts of demands would be very different.

What I would understand though is my partners reasonable concerns and request to have theirs and their/my childs future secured in the event something should happen.

Some younger people aren't too good at contemplating their own mortality. But of course if you have dependents it should be something you should prepare for and it might be something they are yet to fully consider.

Hopefully if you manage to get the message across in the right way you will get the response you seek, which ultimately is more security for your child.

Trusts have to be registered with the Trust Registration Agency, but unless your are a trustee or beneficiary etc I don't think you can look at the details.

If he is a life beneficiary of a family trust, he won't likely have any facility to change its terms or direct the inheritance of it by his will - that's not of his doing, that's just how trusts work.

If the property is in a trust with him as life beneficiary, it isn't his or yours - and will pass on as directed by the trust, not by his will.

You ned to discuss this with him. My DW knows our home belongs to a family trust and she has no claim, however the trust was written to provide a home for my spouse for the rest of her life before it passes on, so she is secure in that, but to be clear, that's not a gift I am making or via my will, our home is not mine, it belongs to the trust legally.

My mistake. Sorry - thought that he had a previous child.

In that case the OP is in the exact situation as my dd was.

Her legal advice was to get a Will & to seek further specialist family law advice.

Too late for her though as separation happened but she successfully got 50/50 split as she had contributed to the mortgage.

To quote my solicitor "you are on very thin ice".

@LindsayAnn97

Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned.

Have you actually seen these trust documents? Do you know who is named as 'his family'? Does he have other children? And I know this is really none of my business, but was your child planned? Not that that's an excuse for not providing for a child, but it may be a shitty reason why he hasn't.

This is one of the pitfalls of not being married. He's not legally required to provide for you now or after his death. Since laws vary from country to country I don't know if he's legally required to provide for a minor child via will or trust after his death. I think you need to see a solicitor to find that out. As far as taking out a life insurance policy on him, where I live you can't do that without the insured person agreeing to it. Would he?

All I can say is study hard and get that degree as fast as possible. Chances are you're going to need it. After that, keep your finances separate and do estate planning only for your child, excluding him. This man is not committed to you or to your child. And for now you need to try and sock away every penny you possibly can because you have no guarantee he'll stick around.

No he doesn't! If he wanted a strong financially independent woman he'd have one!

He likes a woman who is in a vulnerable, dependent position, whom he can extract money from for his expenses, who has no bargaining power and whom he can dispose of at will without it costing him much. That's what he has, because that is what he wanted.

Also, this sort of man won't like being chased for money..... the more you ask, the less you'll receive.

It's not the way to do it. They like strong, financially independent women... not people draining them and demanding this and that. He doesn't see you as an equal anymore - or maybe ever.

I don't think you understand the psychology of this sort of person.

Was your DS planned or an accident?

And how old is your partner? Has he got a lot of already established family?

This is sadly quite common. An 'oops' baby with a new younger partner that throws everyone's noses out of joint in the family who are already established.

You don't have any leverage here.

It's all very well to be demanding this and that, but if the baby was an accident you've sort of made your own bed.

You have a sugar daddy of sorts. He's providing for your DS and for you while you study to earn your own money.

He's like a benefactor... if you want childcare for your DS, I'd forget whining about how he hasn't disclosed his salary etc. That's not how to play these men.

Just ask for it up front and he'll more than likely have the money and pay...

There's a lot of moral chest beating on here but if you split, what have you got ? you're not exactly in a strong position financially. He's got all the cards.

I'd probably bite me tongue, graduate and then leave but then I've always had a high pain threshold emotionally and no doubt this isn't the best advice. But for now you've got a good set up financially to study and then do a runner...

Do you love him? Or do you love his money?

Oh op what an ewful situation,

Ask him
What provisions are in place for son,
What provisions for him in event of illness or death, funeral plan, does his family know his wishes, are they happy to carry out sed wishes ??
Paperwork work for above will be held,

Explain you have your plan in place too,

I do find men don't talk about or want to think about these things, but of course they need a conversation op,
My daughter has all my details and wishes as my partner is hopeless and wouldn't trust him to do the right thing in this situation, but I have peace of mind knowing my children would know what to do long side grieving,

Good luck with the conversation op, to many questions might make him close up, tread carefully op

Well done for progressing with a good career path. Will you be a dentist on completion?

What is the purpose of asking his salary? What do you intend to do with that information?

I. Think if he had any intention of a legal relationship with you, he would have said so. He clearly doesn't want that.

He out earns you and has other property, they he is probably worried of losing of you were married and split up.

If you don't contribute to the house you live in, he again will be reluctant to have you on the deeds.

Is he a good partner?
Is he a good involved dad?

Your questions are all financial and I can see that it'll just strengthen his current stance of separate financials, because it could be seen that you're just interested in the money.

I would centre questions not so much around your relationship status (because you know his feelings on that) but more around a concern about looking after your son/ having a roof over your heads should anything happen to him.

You can say you read something or heard a fellow student talking about a friend in a similar position to you and his the sudden passing, which left her homeless and struggling.

I couldn’t stay with a man that refused to marry and make sure his family was looked after, actions speak louder than words op

Oh OP, stop flogging a dead horse.

This man has made it absolutely clear that he is not prepared to provide for you and your/his son at all once you are no longer of concern to him ( after his death). He has also made clear that he wants to be able to be free of you both at any point of his choosing, without this having any financial consequences for him. He has thought this all through very clearly and deliberately. He won't even tell you what he earns! Wake up and realise all of this.

its sad to hear you think you can be assertive with him and get him to provide security for you. You have absolutely no bargaining power, because he has thought is all through to ensure you have no bargaining power and are always in a position of weakness and vulnerabilty.

When you say you financially contribute, I hope you only mean to bills and not to the mortgage. Do not be helping this selfish man to buy a house you have no stake in.

You are the one who will have to provide security for your son. Live there as cheaply as you can so that you can save to buy a place of your own for you and your son. Then leave and live in it.

If she was actually a gold digger, she would’ve made sure she was married or guaranteed money before getting pregnant.