Page 8 | Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

PlumCath · 2025-11-27T20:57:14+00:00

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep. Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother. The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option. Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles. I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy. Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks. my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

Pippa12 · 27/11/2025 21:52

Gettingbysomehow · 27/11/2025 21:14

Mens needs are like having two children whining for attention instead of one child and two adults.

Do women not have wants and needs? I like having sex, I don’t think of either of us as whining. It’s important, healthy and totally natural. It seems sad it’s viewed as a want or attention seeking.

Doggielovecharlotte · 27/11/2025 21:49

Justmadesourkraut · 27/11/2025 21:47

Does ds have a single bed? Can you snuggle up with him in his bed, then slip away when he's asleep again/when dh comes home?

Yes you’ve said you can sleep easily

Olocker · 27/11/2025 21:49

Why don't you go downstairs? Or a spare bedroom if you have one? Does it have to be only in your bed?

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 27/11/2025 21:48

I'd sort my 3 year old's sleep out, not because of my husband but because my child is 3 and should be in his own bed. But then I never had my kids in my bed, they were in their own rooms from 12 weeks and slept through from 6 months 🤷‍♀️

SilverDoublet · 27/11/2025 21:48

Gettingbysomehow · 27/11/2025 21:14

Mens needs are like having two children whining for attention instead of one child and two adults.

So true 🤣

Justmadesourkraut · 27/11/2025 21:47

Does ds have a single bed? Can you snuggle up with him in his bed, then slip away when he's asleep again/when dh comes home?

soupyspoon · 27/11/2025 21:46

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 27/11/2025 21:21

You feel 'icky' making time for sex with your husband? Eh?

Yes this

OP you are in an adult relationship yet using infantile teenage immature language to describe a decision that you need to try to decide together about how your relationship with each other runs and decisions about how to manage your child's sleep routine.

Helpmefindmysoul · 27/11/2025 21:43

Children will spend the majority of their life in their own beds. My child’s needs will always trump my husbands.

werenotgoingonabearhuntagain · 27/11/2025 21:41

Notmyreality · 27/11/2025 21:38

This. You should be wanting to have to have sex with your DH not just having it “to keep him happy”

Show quote history

There’s no ‘should’ about it. It’s how she feels. Sexual desire ebbs and flows and it’s often not massively high with small children.

werenotgoingonabearhuntagain · 27/11/2025 21:40

My DS has a great sleep routine, always has. He still occasionally comes in bed with me or DH (we don’t sleep together because he snores.) If it was every night then it would be a problem but as it is it’s fine.

I don’t really like the assumption that the bed is for sex, it’s for sleep first and foremost!

imisscashmere · 27/11/2025 21:38

WiltedLettuce · 27/11/2025 21:31

Can't your husband just move the sleeping toddler back into his bed when he gets home? Feels like a complete non-issue to me.

This.

I find all the responses saying your 3 year old “needs” or “should” be in his own bed so odd, and kind of sad. He is 3, wakes up, looks for his mother in the dark. That is so normal.

Notmyreality · 27/11/2025 21:38

ExperiencedContractor · 27/11/2025 21:12

“I feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause DH wants sex”
The sex should be for both of you, it’s part of a healthy loving relationship. If you don’t want sex that’s fine, but don’t put your child in place as a barrier. At age 3 it’s good for your son to be able to settle in his own bed.

This. You should be wanting to have to have sex with your DH not just having it “to keep him happy”

Doggielovecharlotte · 27/11/2025 21:37

Pippa12 · 27/11/2025 21:35

I’m a firm believer in children sleeping in their own beds. It was something me and my DH agreed on from the start. Our room is our space and I want to have sex with my DH whenever we want.

My BIL and SIL have talked about their sex life being in tatters as their 10 year old refuses to sleep in her own bed. My BIL sleeps in the 10 year olds bed. They only have one child.

The child also sits in the front seat of the car and the parent at the back tho 😂

I suppose it’s up to you as a couple to decide together what works for you. Unless there is an underlying reason, I don’t think it’s unreasonable a husband wanting to have sex with his wife without a child snoozing in the middle.

Omg

I agree with this

the bed and the car are related!!!

and that child will leave home and where will their relationship be then!

FuzzyWolf · 27/11/2025 21:37

As you say, your DH isn’t a priority right now so at least have the decency and admit that it has nothing to do with anything else.

A three year old will benefit from having a good sleep routine.

Notmyreality · 27/11/2025 21:36

Pippa12 · 27/11/2025 21:35

I’m a firm believer in children sleeping in their own beds. It was something me and my DH agreed on from the start. Our room is our space and I want to have sex with my DH whenever we want.

My BIL and SIL have talked about their sex life being in tatters as their 10 year old refuses to sleep in her own bed. My BIL sleeps in the 10 year olds bed. They only have one child.

The child also sits in the front seat of the car and the parent at the back tho 😂

I suppose it’s up to you as a couple to decide together what works for you. Unless there is an underlying reason, I don’t think it’s unreasonable a husband wanting to have sex with his wife without a child snoozing in the middle.

This

Notmyreality · 27/11/2025 21:35

olderandnonthewiser · 27/11/2025 21:01

Sorry but I agree with your dh. We give yp
so much when our children are babies; and yes 3 is still v young. But there comes a point when you do need to at least try and get your child back in his room and back to sleep.

This.

Pippa12 · 27/11/2025 21:35

I’m a firm believer in children sleeping in their own beds. It was something me and my DH agreed on from the start. Our room is our space and I want to have sex with my DH whenever we want.

My BIL and SIL have talked about their sex life being in tatters as their 10 year old refuses to sleep in her own bed. My BIL sleeps in the 10 year olds bed. They only have one child.

The child also sits in the front seat of the car and the parent at the back tho 😂

I suppose it’s up to you as a couple to decide together what works for you. Unless there is an underlying reason, I don’t think it’s unreasonable a husband wanting to have sex with his wife without a child snoozing in the middle.

Original poster

PlumCath · 27/11/2025 21:33

WiltedLettuce · 27/11/2025 21:31

Can't your husband just move the sleeping toddler back into his bed when he gets home? Feels like a complete non-issue to me.

A good amount of times ds has woken up whilst loving and gets VERY worked up. Or he will wake again later

I personally just get better sleep if he co sleeps

OP posts:

Knowsley · 27/11/2025 21:33

If your DH is working shifts, his sleep is important.

Original poster

PlumCath · 27/11/2025 21:31

baddecisionsmakegreatcompany · 27/11/2025 21:26

How are you sleeping well with a three year old bed to you?!? My son is two and a half and can sleep diagonally across the pillow area of our king size bed.. voting YABU for that reason only. Sex is up to you and you are right to put your child below that xx

He sleeps like a log next to me. Im a light sleeper who can fall asleep asleep very easily so DS does not disturb my sleep in the slightest

OP posts:

WiltedLettuce · 27/11/2025 21:31

Can't your husband just move the sleeping toddler back into his bed when he gets home? Feels like a complete non-issue to me.

Doggielovecharlotte · 27/11/2025 21:31

Gosh it feels like you a depository!

BUT

it doesn’t sound an answer for your 3 year old to come into bed with you…who is it for?

be mindful - you will be a couple long after they have flown the nest and that needs work

godmum56 · 27/11/2025 21:28

" I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles."

hmmm.......

baddecisionsmakegreatcompany · 27/11/2025 21:26

How are you sleeping well with a three year old bed to you?!? My son is two and a half and can sleep diagonally across the pillow area of our king size bed.. voting YABU for that reason only. Sex is up to you and you are right to put your child below that xx

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 27/11/2025 21:25

ExperiencedContractor · 27/11/2025 21:12

“I feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause DH wants sex”
The sex should be for both of you, it’s part of a healthy loving relationship. If you don’t want sex that’s fine, but don’t put your child in place as a barrier. At age 3 it’s good for your son to be able to settle in his own bed.

This. Your relationship with your DH is important