AIBU not to want to cook Xmas dinner for 12 people

What does your DH think about it all? Am I correct that they are ALL his relatives? I'd suggest that HE does ALL the cooking and hosting!

I'd ring around a few restaurants and let them know you are now going to X restaurant and its £XXX per person, RSVP me by next week to confirm if coming 😉

@Pollypickme YANBU OP and I wouldn't even have agreed to the vegan BIL and his family coming too. In fact, I'd have said not to worry then as in-laws and the vegans could do Christmas together and you, your DH and DC could have Christmas on your own ... Bliss! (But you're probably a nicer person than me OP. 😂 )

Given it has grown so much from your original invite I think it is okay to call a halt to proceedings.
Even organising a place to go out to eat which might be hard, and they would have to pay should not fall on your shoulders. So don't pick that up either.
So I would say on reflection numbers have got too many and you don't want to nor intended to host a Christmas dinner for that number of people.
Phone people. And stick to your guns.

Compromise by asking everyone to chip in with both bringing dishes, cooking and cleaning up. Turn it into a family bonding session.

I say this as someone who had your experience a few years ago. We all just got stuck in together and it was a really good day.

If it were me I’d ask them all to bring an item for the dinner then stick a smile on my face and host. It’s Christmas and they are your family.

I’d just say it’s too many people. It was already a squish with bil his wife and child when you invited her. Adding on another three is just far too many.

Why can’t everyone bring something - largely pre cooked and can be warmed up ? And desserts/drinks etc. And then it’s a roast but you don’t have to do the entire thing.

2 people inviting 6 exactly what kind of mug do you want to be?

Sorry ILs it's all out of hand now. Let's scrap lunch and see you for drinks and games at 5pm-8pm. Love to everyone!

Woah, that’s very cheeky!
Who issues invites to other people’s Christmas dinners???

I’d be pretty blunt at this stage.

Tell MIL as she wants to invite more guests to dinner, she’ll have to host now as you’re not a professional cook and it’s completely put you off hosting a large gathering.

Instead you’ll revert to the original plan and just host the PIL’s for Boxing Day instead.

This! I’d rescind the whole invitation & say you’ll leave them to it as it’s turned into something that you can’t offer.

Crikeys, you’ve been kind enough to invite MIL for Christmas and now she wants to invite additional people, why doesn’t she host instead? My MIL wouldn’t dream of inviting people if she wasn’t the host

Do they all usually spend Christmas together? If so, you shouldn’t have lobbed your invitation into their traditions unless you were prepared to host them all.

Say no, your Mil has changed the dynamics of the day your invite was to them, I would tell her “it’s a shame we can’t cater for that many this year, if you need to bale due to commitments with others we don’t mind, there’s always next year, have a wonderful day, do you want to pop over Boxing Day for a Chill out with bubble & squeak and a glass of fizz” x

You're not obligated to make Christmas dinner for people who get invited by others or invite themselves, your DH can tell his family it's just going to be you two now, you didn't realise by asking 2 people there would be a domino effect and so many more would want to come, he can explain it politely, you don't want this worry or expectation every year. Why would they just assume, cf

NO.

say kindly that sounds too much for my cooking and hosting skills sorry, but I understand if you want to cancel coming to ours if you’d rather be hosting the crowd.

Agree with PPs above, rescind the offer, say it has grown beyond initial plans, now too overwhelming so let them all host each other instead. Agree with offering mince pies/drinks at some point as a gesture. Absolutely too much and the extra guests is great timing for cancelling ASAP.

Just say no, I would have said no straight away to the vegans as well, because I don't want the extra stress it would bring me. Nothing against vegans, I just wouldn't cope and I don't like anyone in my kitchen space either. No apology required, just say no because you don't really want to.

No, you invited 2 people, and now it’s 10? That doesn’t work. It’s not too late to say. No.

Ask her what she's bringing over to contribute? In fact, ask them all to contribute (or to come after lunch!).

Do you have enough room for all those people, and enough crockery, cutlery and oven space?
Are you also expected to pay for all of this and do all the cooking, clearing up etc while they all sit around or would they muck in?
You'll have to tell MIL it's a no, fine for her and FIL but not for all these extras. If you did say yes, she'd probably find more relatives to invite.

United front with husband. He needs.ti tell her you both can't host for that many and maybe they should host Christmas and you'll see them over it if they want to see everyone.

Id say there's unfortunately not enought space. I generally don't host people who are rude to me and definitely wouldn't want to do it on a holiday

"Sorry, I haven't got the space for that many people. If you want to host them at yours that's fine and then we could just get together for drinks/nibbles in the evening?"

Jeez who are all these randoms who want to scrounge dinner at someone else’s house on Christmas Day? Just say no, enough’s enough. Why are you dealing with the angst of this? Why isn’t your DH managing his family?

If MiL wants to see them all then she can host them for dinner instead. You could invite them for drinks, nibbles & mince pies later if you really want.