AIBU not to want to cook Xmas dinner for 12 people

Other people have mentioned it already, that food aside (all the work, and all the cost) you still have the logistics of having that many people in your house, seating that many people around the table, having that many chairs, having enough cutlery and glassware and all the different types of plates... Then the cleanup at the end...
It's a lot just to host, forget the food, just to host is a lot!!

If and I mean only if you still absolutely have to do this, and please keep in mind that they're not forcing you, you're doing it to yourself, and I'd recommend that you get yourself out of it when you still have almost a month to change the plans...
But if you have to do this, make it on the provision that you host with the venue, but everyone else brings the food.
Everyone else has to bring a main, a side, and a dessert item, as well as one drink ((bottle of wine, non-alcoholic, etc.)
This is going to be so much juggling so much confusion so much work, I doubt your guest would even want to come, but at least it takes the pressure of the cost of food and the making of food off of you.
Of course as someone who has hosted dinners like this I can tell you that it's a gigantic problem when everyone comes with a million dishes that they expect they can pop into the oven and there's no room in the oven, how do you keep all the food warm?

So your next best bet would be to find a restaurant that delivers, and everyone splits the bill making sure you get the money up front before the day, don't wait for them to send it to you later, or, go out. Find a place that's open and just go there.
Or better yet, just don't have that many people over.
It might just be that you don't spend enough time with them but you said you don't really like the additional six people that are coming that you don't have much in common with them and you don't have much to talk with them about, true you won't get much time to do small talk with them if you're going to be hosting, but still. Not a great situation.

So if my math is correct, you're a family of four, you invited your husband's mother and father for Christmas dinner making six.
And then your mother-in-law, without your input, has no gone and invited an additional six people. Oh my gosh, no!
If you're a really up for the challenge and if you really liked these people and if you really wanted to extend yourself in the graciousness of the holidays... Then go for it. Otherwise, no absolutely not. This is unacceptable.

If that many people have to get together for a meal, change the plans. Do not host them at your house, do not make the dinner.

Turn it around and say "why don't we have it at your house mother-in-law? "(You already know what the answer is going to be)
Or, find a restaurant that's open and either have your Christmas get together before christmas, or after christmas, (or on Christmas if you can find a restaurant that's open) that you all like that can accommodate 12, with one quarter of your guests being vegan.

Absolutely don't do this.
Christmas is great for making large meals and extending welcome to others, but this is ridiculous.

You should absolutely hand this one over to your husband to manage - do not fall into the trap of being cast as the bad guy.

Totally fair enough to tell them you can't cater for that many though. MIL is taking the piss

I am team "too many" especially as this is all your husband's side of the family and absolutely none of yours. If she wants all her side of the family together like that, she can cook it, or you all go to a restaurant, but it's too late for that now. Don't take this on just to people please. You just have to say "I'm sorry but that's too many people for me, I'll be stressed out" and let her figure out what she wants to do from there.

Apart from the fact that MiL should not be inviting others for you to host -
I usually cook for 12 each year BUT it was an organic growth and numbers increased over the years.
It is A LOT OF WORK. I peel so much veg on Christmas Eve, on my own. It is also EXPENSIVE to provide for that many guests.
I have crockery and pans that I only use when hosting at Christmas. Crockery because I want a matching set and a couple of large stockpots I don’t need any other time.
The clearing up afterwards is a lot, even with a dishwasher.
Spare chairs have to be brought downstairs and taken back up
I am happy to host but these are my children, their partners and my grandchildren, it’s a routine I’m used to and I love it but I am shattered by the time they leave which is probably about 4pm (having arrived at 8am).

I'd just say no that doesn't work for me sorry.

I think you shot yourself in the foot by accepting extra guests in the first place.

As someone from a large family, who doesn't like crowded Christmases, sometimes large families don't realise just how hard it is hosting because it is their norm and they enjoy it.

If they do come ask them to bring something for them to eat along with the veg/potatoes etc. xmas meal is complicated enough without having to vegan alternative.

A huge no.

Or fnd out if Deliveroo can drop off 12 Christmas Meals for you!

Problem solved.

No Worries

Your welcome.

You should have said no to extra invites to start with. Why can't MIL host if she wants all these guests?

Just tell them straight that you haven't got space for that many people or the capacity to cook for that many.

I think they're being really fucking cheeky, tbh. Going from 5 guests to 8 is a hell of an ask.

Would you even have room for everyone to sit down afterwards? One of the reasons I don't like big gatherings at my MIL's is because every time you go for a pee or anything, some fucker nicks your seat!

Maybe suggest canapés and champagne at brunch time, before they head home for lunch or mince pies, tea and sherry late afternoon?

Say it’s all too much now but offer instead for them to come over for a Christmas night buffet and games from 4pm or so, or afternoon tea from late afternoon, or maybe Boxing Day from 2pm.

If everyone does want to come ask them all to provide a dish or drinks at the least.

This

And learn to at least say ' let me think about whether that will work' rather than 'yes'.

This is an excellent opportunity to get out of the whole thing.

Let me think a bit.... No sorry it doesn't work at all and I've realised I'm going to struggle with Barry and Sue's food too. Maybe we should go back to original plans and think about a larger family gathering some other time? (then never do)

voted Yanbu
however Christmas dinner is about the easiest cooking for large numbers there is.
Turkey is easy to prep- just coat and stuff with butter, orange juice, garlic and olive oil. Get everyone to help prepping sprouts as for some reason they find this hilarious and once they are in the kitchen you can rope them into dishes.
frozen veg for everything else
snd oodles of grave to cover over frozen veg.
chill in kitchen to avoid horrid relatives. The one who love you or don’t like them, will find you- and you drink stash
i love a Christmas dinner prep, me 🎅
get the vegans to bring their own as kitchen counters contaminated with turkey fat

Just say "Awfully sorry but we just don't have the capacity to host that many, so perhaps we should all come round to yours for Christmas dinner" or "Why don't you eat dinner at yours then, and come round to us for Boxing Day tea instead?"

Doing a tea on Boxing Day is far less hassle, and much easier to cope with vegans that way.

Yes if you’re silly enough to say yes she will come back with another 4. She’ll be telling them ‘don’t be silly it’s no trouble at all, dil loves entertaining!’

I’d use the latest cheekyfuckery to say that you’ve had to rethink the whole thing and dinner’s off altogether.

Instead, you’ll be putting on a few manageable drinks and vegan nibbles on the 28th Dec or whatever suits you.

And tell your husband to sort his people out.

They will all be booked up and why should she spend all that money?

Op practice learning to say no or you'll think about it when people put you on the spot.
Tell them no.

Er, no??

Cooking for vegans as well??

Come on

That's unbelievably rude of her. Say no now before she thinks of even more people to invite!

I would never agree to cater for vegans at Christmas. There's already too much to do as it is and I don't have unlimited utensils/cookware/oven space.

I would cancel the whole thing, your MIL is incredibly rude to do this to you.

Just say it's becoming a bit too big of a task now, and instead you will have everyone over for nibbles and drinks at tea time.

You’re not the only one. I’ve ended up with 16 on the list because SIL invited an extra 4 🤦‍♀️