To challenge autistic DD’s detention?

Is the detention effectively a conversation with you then?
That’s a bit different from the usual understanding of detention.

I use detentions to teach them. Sometimes they "get it" straight away and apologise, then I let them go after 5 minutes. Sometimes the conversation takes longer.

You don’t need to punish someone to teach them.
She can learn without the detention.

From an HE perspective:

OP,

Your DD made me laugh. The teacher was wrong to pose the question and wrong to give the detention.

But the bigger question us, what will help DD most to get what she wants out of life in the longer term? The academic experiences of even highly able autistic students at my excellent university are very often troubling, as I know from personal tutees, informal interactions and, especially, work on Mitigating Circumstances Panels. With the best will in the world and substantial extra support, many cannot cope. Even if we grant ample mitigation ( and there are limits) Student Finance England eventually pulls the plug.

IMO no one really understands this. Very, very roughly speaking a lot of it is great difficulty in rolling with the punches. The world of work is going to offer a similar problem.

Practice in ‘sucking it up’ when the stakes are not very high and in fact DD was, however inadvertently, wrong, is no bad thing.

I agree that contacting the school with positive feedback occasionally would be a good habit for you. Then by all means feel free to intervene on more serious occasions.
Best wishes to DD

Absolutely OP can use this as a teaching moment — for both her DD and the teacher.
But her DD doesn’t deserve a detention for a misunderstanding.

These are not mutually exclusive opinions to hold. DD can learn from the experience without being unfairly punished for it.

I'm assuming the majority here have never lived or known an autistic person..are you seriously asking them to change there mindset to a normal thinking person..no I dont see it as rude, I'm autistic and this is how I would answer so like it or lump it its how I am and I'm not going to be put into a box that people are saying autistic people should be put into to confirm which we can't. And I have a very successful career because the people I work with know I can't help thinking differently so why would you try to make someone feel bad about the way they are. That's them and you be you.

They bend up to a point but it is pretty superficial.

I have to admit I’m a bit taken aback by some of the replies. My autistic child would also answer honestly, and I’m sure the OP’s child was polite. My son would likely do the same — and then probably elaborate on why he was bored and offer suggestions to improve things! Is it what teachers or other students want to hear? No. It can be jarring and often problematic.

Would a detention change that? Absolutely not. If anything, it could damage the relationship with the teacher. My child would attend the detention (he’d insist, because it’s the rule), but I’d also arrange a calm chat with the teacher afterwards about how to avoid a repeat, and I’d include my child in that conversation.

YABU. She should do the detention. You should back the school. She might not have intentionally been rude, but she does need to learn it is rude and why. Getting her excused from things because she is autistic might work at school but she's only going to struggle in the real world.
I have an autistic DD the same age and she really struggled with the transition to secondary school. But I have always supported the school. If I disagree with something the school does I will talk to them, but never in front of DD. A few times she has had some detentions for seemingly minor things but I did agree that she should do them as it sets a firm boundary. Things that might not come naturally to her will be more easily remembered if she can at least remember the consequence.

I used to get them all the time back in the 90s. My school was not strict but my form tutor was ex army and had an issue with my disorganised ways. It didn't really bother me.

@Kreepture

"I would LOVE to unmask, to speak my mind, to say what i think, i do sometimes, it usually gets me deleted for breaking the TG.. and i often have to apologise for upsetting people when it wasn't my fault, and has me largely unliked by most people"

This is heartbreaking and precisely, imho, why educating the populace about neurodiversity is vital. 🌻

Workplaces do bend, it’s called reasonable adjustments. And if you work with someone that you know has a disability causing them to be very literal, you make allowances as decent humans.

Teacher asked a question- student answered honestly and is given a detention. Luckily the majority of my DS15s teachers would have laughed. They all now he's autistic and are indulgent because he is always polite and os very distressed if he has been accidentally rude to someone. His 1:1 helps him out and explains when he has misunderstood a social situation. Doesn't your DD have a 1:1 @ThisFairShark ? And if not, maybe they think she has sufficient skills to understand? Mine wouldn't be in school without his so his disability is visible because he's never alone which might be why the teachers are very nice to him and don't hold him to the same standards as the others (he also has no homework and is not required to sit exams).

I would definitely speak to the school, even if not to save her from being punished for something she wasn’t aware was rude, but to get things in place so that it doesn’t happen again. A reasonable adjustment here is that teachers don’t use sarcasm, unless it comes with an explanation at least, and if they don’t do that, to be more lenient. She will hopefully get to know more of these sayings and idioms as she gets older and get better at judging tone, but she has a disability which makes it difficult to understand things like this. My sibling is a teacher and has a couple of autistic children this year who take things very literally. She says they are lovely kids, very well behaved, but she does need to adjust her language or be willing to explain things more.

I never use sarcasm in the classroom; we're always told not to. There are methods to re-engage and support. However, I think it's appropriate for the parent to talk to the child and socialise them about this. I wouldn't complain about the detention. As pp have said, it's a learning moment.

Just as a counterpoint to that - I work in a very ND friendly workplace and in a meeting like this:

-the person might take a movement break (stand up, stretch, use one of the fidgets we have in meeting rooms)
-if the person presenting noticed someone yawning they wouldn’t call it out with a pass-agg “sorry am I boring you?”
-we adapt things like meeting lengths, formats etc to accommodate different preferences and strengths.

You said it was a power thing but it is just a normal human reaction to someone being rude or nasty to them. They won't think 'that person is autistic so I'm fine with being on the receiving end of a nasty comment'

If an adult did it to another adult. They wouldn't punish them by putting them in detention. They would be more subtle and just dislike the person for it or not give them a job/promotion. A detention is a kinder and more appropriate response for a child.

I’m normally on the side of teachers but in this instance the teacher was being passive aggressive and directed that at a child with known SEN.

Perhaps some learning on the part of the teacher is also required about how to be more direct with their pupils.

That's the way secondary schools are now. Cracking down because behaviour can get unmanageable.

Oh god. Sometimes about every little thing.

I have a Y7 child and my biggest surprise is how much these days detentions are first-line punishments for any transgression.

I have a “good” kid who tries incredibly hard but has picked up multiple detentions for losing pens etc due to ADHD. I regularly forgot stuff at school (also ADHD) and never had a detention in my life.

I do see where people are coming from but ultimately, the world won’t bend to accommodate people who are seen to be rude to others, rightly or wrongly.

Skip ahead ten years, the child is now an adult and in a meeting at work but sits yawning while her boss speaks. Same question is asked, same answer given. She’d end up disciplined (and no doubt hated by her seniors) at work. Probably treated like a pariah by colleagues too, for acting that way.

I think it's good to use this incident as a teaching moment. Almost everyone in the adult world will hold her to account for her behaviour in years to come, when mum isn’t there to try and bail her out.

The OP's DC didn't just announce that the teacher was boring her. She was sarcastically asked a direct question and gave an honest answer.

A detention was given because the teacher was embarrassed. There would of been better ways of dealing with this. a simple discussion at the end of class between teacher and the pupil would have sufficed.

She gave a truthful answer, she did not see the sarcasm behind the question.

but adults wouldn't do it generally, would they, because yes, you are correct, it would be considered rude.

BUT @Dgll we are discussing an ND 14 year old here, when asked a question by their teacher, gave an honest answer and is punished!

Your comparison is not the same, at all.

OP said she spoke to her child, she’s used it as teachable moment.

I get what the PP was saying that you have to teach your ND child about how the world works but we ALSO have a duty to advocate for them and to make the world a better, more understanding place for ND people. It’s not an either/or.