Feeling financially battered and sad. Can anyone make me feel better?

His children need to be cared for. Comparing your life with an ex is only ever going to lead to misery. Work on being grateful for what you do have, not annoyed about what you don't. Change whatever you can change in your lives to get ahead. It's pointless being pissed off with someone else for living a different life - it does not add to yours.

Your problems have literally nothing to do with the budget, zero.

No I know you’re not. Try to focus on the longer term outlook. Things will get better once nursery fees are a thing of the past. Now are the hard years.
I am lucky that we had our 2nd DC when I was still married and our mortgage was relatively small, though we did have to wait until my now exDH got a better job as like you, we had to face the hard truth that we couldn’t afford a 2nd child. We both worked full-time earning above the national average and yet we literally couldn’t afford another child! It’s scandalous when you think about it!!! Like I say my ExDH got a better job and we were able to start TTC. But the gap between them is bigger than I’d have liked. I had always wanted a much bigger family (4 DC ideally), but we absolutely couldn’t afford more than 2. Never mind, I am grateful for what I have (if a little worried about my retirement).
When my DS leaves home I won’t have enough UC to afford the rent on this place, so I’ll have to up and move to something smaller for me and my DD. He won’t have a bedroom so when he comes home from uni, likely I’ll not see much of him as he’ll have to stay at his dad’s. I’m very sad about that. I try not to think about the shit bits of my life and like you I look for small pleasures. My lounge is full of scented candles and I’m sat here under a fluffy blanket with my DS watching shite on TV and that makes me enormously happy! Xxx

Does your mum help with childcare? Can you knock a day off nursery with her help?

Are you fixed on your mortgage? Look for a new rate and extended the mortgage through nursery years? Thats what we have had to do

But you do already have 3 DCs between you, that it a lot and many people can’t afford 4. The problem isn’t that with the budget you now can’t afford 2 DCs, you can’t afford more than the 3 you already have. We have a reasonable household income, and our mortgage costs are lower than yours and we could afford 4 DCs, or even 3 really.

This!

OP, I completely appreciate how stretched you feel, but it’s nothing to do with the budget and everything to do with your DP losing his better paid job, nursery fees and £500 a month in maintenance.

I’m not sure how old your DC is, but could you switch to a pre school with far cheaper fees / free? Appreciate though the hours may not work depending on your jobs!

As for cheap things, I like a cheap face mask, a hot choc and a movie for a little pick me up!

I really wouldn’t be envious of your friends being able to afford TTC due to inheritance, they would likely prefer their family member back.

My ex husband paid the mortgage off with his dad’s inheritance, he’d have preferred his dad alive.

I feel for the OP. Sounds like she's followed the script we were given in the 90s/00s - study, work hard, be independent and you'll have a good life!

Only these days it turns out "a good life" looks quite different to that of our parents. And "working hard" doesn't always necessarily pay.

She doesn't sound bitter to me, just a bit sad and resigned. I think that is fair - on the whole we now have smaller houses and families than we came from, and not always by choice. Added to this, she has her DHs ex partner seemingly not struggling with the exact things that the OP is: working hours, finances, having more children. Surely she's only human to find that a bit confronting. I think you were wise to block her OP!

Having said that, and I really do think all your feelings are very understandable - too much brooding on them really does only hurt you. There are many positives about a one child family, not least your own time/energy even happiness - I've read that one child makes mothers happier but there is no further increase for more!!

And while your financial situation may not be where you'd like it to be, one child will allow you to do a lot more with your child and be free of nursery etc fees sooner.

"We can't send them back" is such an odd choice of words. It makes it sound as though you (and their father) wish you could.

I do not buy things to make myself feel better - as long as I have a roof and food I consider myself in a good position. But I don’t get joy from spending - I get joy from friends and family

nursery fees yes are expensive but also - for most people at least - short term and sometimes life is tough - you are not entitled to anything beyond the basics. You can’t just expect to have whatever you what. Even if you earn a lot you already have a lot ( 6 kids ?!?)

How precisely has the budget made you worse off? You need to stop comparing yourself to his ex - having four kids by two different dads and being on benefits doesn’t exactly sound very enviable anyway.

I don't mean this unkindly- this isn't to do with Rachel Reeves, but more so the specific choices/situation you have made/are in. Getting rid of the two child limit will surely help anyway. And yes, it is hardest during nursery years.

Why have you posted that you are feeling financially battered after the budget when you are in the same position you were before the budget?

6 dc is a lot.

You’ve obviously lived a more affluent life than me. It’s no wonder the birth rate is low nowadays

Probably not an insane amount. Interest is front loaded on mortgages and loans.

I’d definitely do this and overpay in years where you can afford to pay it sooner, even if that is not until the kids are older.

She says she cant afford a second child

That poor people are producing too many kids is a batshit reason to urge middle class people to produce more than they can afford!! Come on!

Supermarket Flowers
Home-made bread
Board games

Well that's a big part of your problem. Why is it so high?

How has the budget impacted on you?