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Original poster

Help me with my adult son

34 replies

lucyloo25 · 27/11/2025 09:06

My young adult 25 is out of work (was working but laid off recently) they are adhd also. I admit i have done everything for them, i applied for uni didnt work , applied for most jobs inititally, they then went for interviews, have got them all and worked well, but, thats because i am waking them daily and ushering out the door. I plan my weekends around waking them and making sure they dont sleep too late. I am exhausted and cant carry on. Just dawned on me that if i dont make the changes now, this will go on and on.
what can i do? I decided to stop researching jobs for them now and decided to stop the waking thing as it controls my every day!
I think i have over compensated as they are ND and i thought because of this i need to swoop in and do it all, by doing it all, i have stopped them figuring out things for themselves.

Now it has started to affect my MH (highly anxious) i know its time to STOP.
any help appreciated mumsnetters from a mum on the brink.

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 27/11/2025 09:30

Please make a plan to reduce the amount of help you are giving him slowly. He needs to work out when to ask for help and try to do things by himself. Treat him like an adult more, it will will good for his self esteem. And by that I mean, charge him a contribution for bills when he is working, let him apply for things like jobs or benefits himself, make him cook his meals, contribute to cleaning the house and maybe take on paying one of the household bills and don't give him any money.
Adhd makes things really difficult but there are loads of things which can help depending on what he struggles with. Lots of brilliant apps, and strategies. Is he medicated?

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 27/11/2025 09:30

Medication has really helped one of my AuDHD DDs. I don’t think she could hold down a job without it. DD2 really struggles with waking up. She’s away at uni on a course with attendance requirements and in order to make sure she wakes for class we got her an alarm clock which is marketed for people who are hard of hearing. It’s very loud and has a vibrating bit that goes under the pillow too. We got it from Amazon for about £25. There are plenty to choose from.

OhDearMuriel · 27/11/2025 09:26

Is he on any ADHD medication?

OhDearMuriel · 27/11/2025 09:25

I really sympathise 💐
It’s like having to direct a toddler day in day out, but toddlers are easier than adults and it’s utterly exhausting.
Can you sit him down and calmly and respectfully go through a plan with him, so that you can both plan changes that can be phased-in.

Coffeeishot · 27/11/2025 09:21

It is fine to prompt him just not do everything.

Coffeeishot · 27/11/2025 09:20

You have to stop he can set alarms and put notes in his phone, did he want to go to university or was he just plodding along agreeing with you, he has to find his own path maybe a modern apprenticeship would suit him so he is learning at his job,

You sound exhausted you have to let him find his feet let him look amd apply for jobs,is he intouch with the job centre get him to Google stuff and get on.

InlandTaipan · 27/11/2025 09:18

You are being unreasonable to go from doing all that to doing nothing overnight. A phased in series of changes through which you help him learn to do these things for himself (and insist he does these things for himself) would be entirely reasonable though.

Original poster
lucyloo25 · 27/11/2025 09:13

Tighteningmybelt · 27/11/2025 09:12

What does he want to do with his life?

not sure , has some ideas but not done anything about it

OP posts:
Tighteningmybelt · 27/11/2025 09:12

What does he want to do with his life?