If you knew your son had bought you an unsuitable gift for Christmas would you say something?

polarbebe · 2025-11-26T21:57:21+00:00

I have just been put on a medication which means I can no longer drink. He’s bought me a bottle of wine for Christmas. I don’t want to offend him but he could give it to someone else as it would be wasted on me and I’d feel guilty just giving it away when it could make a nice present for someone else and save him money. Or do I not say anything and just accept it and say thank you. I only know because he mentioned what he’d bought to my husband and he mentioned it to me because of the new medication. I don’t know why he didn’t say something to him at the time but now I know I feel I should tell him shouldn’t I? Obviously he needs to know for future reference.

FairKoala · 29/12/2025 08:53

I am the go to person when someone is gifting alcohol or cugarettes

Do I drink alcohol?

No

Do I smoke?

No

Even Secret Santa every year I did it I got a bottle of wine.

In the end I said no to Secret Santa I might sound like a grinch but it just gave me the rage.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 27/11/2025 21:38

Needmorelego · 27/11/2025 20:52

I don't understand why nothing was said the first time.
"Thanks for the gift. Lovely to think of us. Unfortunately we don't drink red wine."
🤔

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I wouldn't as a one-off.
However, they have been making lovely bolognaise. 😋

Needmorelego · 27/11/2025 20:52

Mumtobabyhavoc · 27/11/2025 20:44

True, but you'd likely know if your friends drank wine, or not. I'm sure their drinking habits would be apparent at meet-ups over the years.

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I don't understand why nothing was said the first time.
"Thanks for the gift. Lovely to think of us. Unfortunately we don't drink red wine."
🤔

Needmorelego · 27/11/2025 20:50

BadgernTheGarden · 27/11/2025 20:48

Just accept it and served to your guests at Christmas, you don't have to drink it.

This is her present from her son.
Presumably he will be the guest at Christmas 🤷
This isn't a "bring something to add to Christmas dinner" but her actual Christmas gift.

BadgernTheGarden · 27/11/2025 20:48

Just accept it and served to your guests at Christmas, you don't have to drink it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 27/11/2025 20:44

TheApocalypticiansApprentice · 27/11/2025 10:13

But your suggestion, @Needmorelego, would negate the years of past wine gifts and mortify the friends. It’s better if @Lilyhatesjaz gives the impression that the wine embargo is new.

I do wonder if people actually like their friends, sometimes, though. If I give wine it will be something very carefully chosen and costly intended as a proper treat. I’d be a bit put out to find that my ‘friends’ had been allowing me to waste money and time across years …

True, but you'd likely know if your friends drank wine, or not. I'm sure their drinking habits would be apparent at meet-ups over the years.

CiderWithRosie1972 · 27/11/2025 13:16

Needmorelego · 27/11/2025 10:31

If he isn't told he could end up buying a bottle of wine every year.
So for every year for the rest of your life you are happy to not actually get a gift from your son that you can use?
He could be wasting his money every year.
If I was the son I would want to give my own mother a gift she can actually use.
I would actually be quite angry if in years to come I discovered the wine I had been buying every year was unusable. I'd think "ffs why didn't you say something".

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Ah! I misread the OP. The new med is ongoing so yes, tell him!

Brefugee · 27/11/2025 10:45

Cucy · 26/11/2025 23:02

Will your husband not drink it? Or anyone you know?

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it is a present from a son to his mum (for me a pretty shit gift, but each to his own)

So either: the son is told it's something his mum can't have. Or OP says "you know what, let's skip gift giving and just have a nice evening together"

Needmorelego · 27/11/2025 10:31

CiderWithRosie1972 · 27/11/2025 10:14

I would accept it gracefully and put is aside for the future or offer it to guests when you have them.

If he isn't told he could end up buying a bottle of wine every year.
So for every year for the rest of your life you are happy to not actually get a gift from your son that you can use?
He could be wasting his money every year.
If I was the son I would want to give my own mother a gift she can actually use.
I would actually be quite angry if in years to come I discovered the wine I had been buying every year was unusable. I'd think "ffs why didn't you say something".

PollyBell · 27/11/2025 10:16

CiderWithRosie1972 · 27/11/2025 10:14

I would accept it gracefully and put is aside for the future or offer it to guests when you have them.

Exactly this for me

CiderWithRosie1972 · 27/11/2025 10:14

I would accept it gracefully and put is aside for the future or offer it to guests when you have them.

TheApocalypticiansApprentice · 27/11/2025 10:13

But your suggestion, @Needmorelego, would negate the years of past wine gifts and mortify the friends. It’s better if @Lilyhatesjaz gives the impression that the wine embargo is new.

I do wonder if people actually like their friends, sometimes, though. If I give wine it will be something very carefully chosen and costly intended as a proper treat. I’d be a bit put out to find that my ‘friends’ had been allowing me to waste money and time across years …

Imissgoldengrahams · 27/11/2025 09:31

polarbebe · 26/11/2025 22:56

I will be on this medication for life now.

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In thar case your husband needs to say something or you'll be accepting bottles of wine for the rest of your life

ConnieHeart · 27/11/2025 09:29

Yes definitely say something. You have a valid reason

I bought a friend a voucher for afternoon tea once. She thanked me but said she didn't think she would use it & she was happy for me to keep it. I respected her honesty

Needmorelego · 27/11/2025 09:28

TheApocalypticiansApprentice · 27/11/2025 09:26

To avoid embarrassing your friends, just say one of you has now had to give up wine, as the OP has, and the other is abstaining in solidarity?

Just use words! 😄

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Exactly!
I really don't understand why people just don't say something.
Especially with alcohol which lots of people don't drink for various reasons.
I wouldn't even say I've "given up wine" which is a lie but a simple "actually we don't like red wine and never drink it".
Speak up people and don't say silly fibs either.

PInkyStarfish · 27/11/2025 09:27

Why didn’t your husband say, “That’s lovely but mum can’t drink alcohol because of her new medication. She’d love XXXX instead.”

TheApocalypticiansApprentice · 27/11/2025 09:26

Lilyhatesjaz · 26/11/2025 23:36

We have a friend that gives us a bottle of red wine every Christmas. DH and I both hate red wine. We just say thank you and it goes in the bolognaise.

To avoid embarrassing your friends, just say one of you has now had to give up wine, as the OP has, and the other is abstaining in solidarity?

Just use words! 😄

researchers3 · 27/11/2025 08:55

Lilyhatesjaz · 26/11/2025 23:36

We have a friend that gives us a bottle of red wine every Christmas. DH and I both hate red wine. We just say thank you and it goes in the bolognaise.

😁

Mulledjuice · 27/11/2025 08:53

Cucy · 26/11/2025 22:44

I probably wouldn’t tell him as he’ll feel like he’ll need to go out and get you a different gift.

I’d save it for when you’re off medication or gift it to someone else.

He does need to go out and get her a different gift!

HelloCharming · 27/11/2025 08:50

For years I bought a friends partner port for Christmas….i rather wish he’d told me 10 years ago he didn’t drink port…..rather than my finding out by accident. I assume he’d been regifting it. Get your DH to tell him.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 27/11/2025 06:53

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 26/11/2025 22:03

Is your husband a mime? Could he have not said something?

A mime? 😂

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/11/2025 00:26

I think I would got something a bit more subtle given that your husband is prat!

[General chat with son....turn convo to Xmas] "I tell what though, its going to be weird not being able to even have a glass of wine this year......" and so on.

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 26/11/2025 23:51

JustJoinedRightNow · 26/11/2025 22:00

Helpful first comment.

OP I would get your DH to just go back to him and say oops I've realised mum can't drink anymore on her new meds! Want to give the wine to someone else and buy her something else?
That's sweet he's already bought you a present OP.

Yes. Your husband needs to go back to your son and not even mention that he told you.

mondaytosunday · 26/11/2025 23:45

Yes as he’s your son. If it was a friend I’d just accept it and regift to someone else. He should know you can’t drink - why haven’t you told him?

Rainallnight · 26/11/2025 23:38

He could have got a relative to buy it for him. Or even his dad, who we’ve established is a wally.