What would you say? I was stumped!

OP, You're fine. You didn't say anything that was wrong but if you don't mind I'll give you the following the feedback

I never ask to many questions, I wait for them to tell me. Which I suppose could sound like I'm disinterested but, you don't end up putting your foot in your mouth that way. You wait for the information to come to you.

I would never ask where someone's partner worked. It's too personal. I know it seems like a simple little bit of small talk, but I would never bring it up. Because what if she's between jobs and they're very sensitive about that? What if she worked in an exotic massage parlor or some other job that has a low status or sounds a bit odd to most people?

To me, again, I know this seems like small talk but bringing up questions of where do you work is as dangerous a small talk question as what church do you go to and how many children do you have? Not that long ago those would have been perfectly honest simple normal questions but today, they can cause problems so, that's all I'm going to say.

My thoughts were, like another couple of pp, that OP might fancy the new guy - given she seemed so keen to suss her out and then so put out that this guy is supporting her to prepare for their baby.

But the other likelihood is that it is really just a goady thread to bash women who don't work. That really disappoints me, because our society has come so far in terms of opening things up for women to do what they want, not be tied to the home. HOWEVER there is no point in choice if it isn't exactly that: choice. And it is disheartening to think of other women bashing a woman's choice out of jealousy or perhaps small-mindedness in that they can't wrap their little noggin round someone making a choice that differs from theirs. If the wife is supported by her husband - or her own funds 🤑- why should she be subject to negativity? She isn't depending on the taxpayer.

Incidentally, the same applies to men. Provided they are self-funding it ought to be nobody's business. Surely we can all be broad-minded enough to allow others to find their own path without needing to cast judgment.

Why did this prompt you to write a post? I don’t get it? Asking where the wife works was an odd trajectory to take in the first place but you were given a polite, unremarkable answer-small talk over. Why would you need to give that a second thought? Are you looking for reasons to hate on the new guy by any chance because that’s a weird thing for a grown-up to do.

An odd thought here - maybe someone has already mentioned it - but if there is IVF treatments currently that might relate to the wife’s odd distaste for eggs and could explain why the husband mentioned the part about staying at home waiting to be pregnant. He wanted to share all along haha he Not you guided the convo there already.

I did this. It was a blessing when we then went through ivf - my previous boss would not have been understanding.

I would have been confused too 😆 Preparing for the baby that doesn't yet exist!!!

Well it did cross my mind that the suggestion of saying "no eggs at home then" might have been unfortunate wording! But then I decided not to dwell on the thought because I do have huge sympathy people going through fertility treatments, and it isn't a funny situation. It can be really stressful, and at times heartbreaking.

@Whattosay1
Feel a bit (a lot?) judgy, especially as you know noting about their circumstances. There can be many reasons for why she is not working atm - while tying for a baby. Ranging from medical - to simply practical.
Back in the day - I moved countries to be with my H, after dating and living in another country. H had a job where we moved, as he transferred within his company. I did not.
I was at the age where we wanted to start a family. Granted - I did not know if I could get pregnant quickly. But it was also true that if I got a job, and then got pregnant and had a baby within a year - they wouldn't pay me any additional maternity, and would not have kept my position.

So - that made sense in our situation. One of many possible situations....

I think it’s perfectly normal (and I say this as a professional woman with no kids or intention of having them)
On the other hand, what is quite strange is that you and multiple colleagues were baffled by this and you are invested enough to write in and ask if this is normal.

She may also have all kinds of possible health concerns that make it difficult for her to work. Peoples probing questions may have led them to come up with a story to avoid discussing it.

me- ah where does your wife work, I hope they don’t serve eggs there (joking)

Could be a variation of 'I hope she doesn't work in a canteen/deli etc where they sell/prepare eggs'.

I think the OP is just fine.

Well staying at home means she isn’t working and

she won’t be contributing to her own pension ,

she puts herself at risk of future financial abuse or poverty if they split ,

she is unlikley to be contributing much to society -and since we all benefit from living in a society i believe we should all make a contribution to that society

, and unlikely to be working much on her own personal development ( that would be incredibly rare) making her quite boring

it is quite possible to hold down even a full time job and volunteer and learn new things - especially pre children

in my experience women who stay at home tend not to do those sort of things. Instead they turn into the women on here who can’t understand how to keep a house clean without expecting the husband to do housework all weekend - the sort who take all day to just clean one room

so yes there may be mitigating circumstances, she may be an exceptional person - but the reason we apply patterns is to make the world easier to navigate. Identify common values. They wouldn’t be a couple I would prioritise getting to know

I’m a southerner and can confirm it’s definitely normal to chat to your coworkers down here too, whatever some lunatics on this thread might claim!

I don't think anyone is suggesting that as such, but most people get to know their colleagues over time, usually by both sides volunteering information and the other person then asking a question that has been opened up from that information, the old give and take approach!

OPs segues definitely need a bit of work!

"My wife doesn't like eggs, so I can't have them at home"
"Where does she work?"

i'm amazed no one has made the jump from eggs to fertility treatment, back to eggs again.

Most people in the UK aren't Christian though. I believe it was more than 50% of British people are atheists according to the last census.

'bonbons' (no plural apostrophe)

Agreed.

But some people cannot work because of various limitations, and some people who are not in employment actually work very hard.

It wasn’t my choice, but I think society has lost something now that few people who might be interested in devoting their efforts to making really lovely homes, cooking, crafting, learning, volunteering in the community, etc cannot afford to do this.

This way of life is hardly slothful

Some people must work in the fullest of places. I know what most of my colleagues spouses do for a living, because people talk about their families.
Some more than others, but they don't just all shut down that side of life when they come to work.

I think it's just glaringly obvious that you're one of 'those' people.

As in, one of those nosy people, with lack of boundaries, who will turn any innocuous comment into a reason to pry further into their private lives.. why ask where she works?? That's bonkers!

You had him on the back foot there for sure.. I bet he wished he hadn't mentioned the eggs now!!

Yeah same.

Id assume ttc difficulties

You obviously made him feel uncomfortable … odd to ask where she works and if they serve eggs there.

Totally agree!
OP i think your questions were personal & intrusive.

You have no need to know where your brand new collegues wife works & i absolutlely can't see why 'its bound to come up sooner or later'

I think it best to keep work conversations neutral. You forced his hand into revealing 2 deeply personal pieces of information on his first day! In his shoes i would think you were not too bright & lacking in emotional intelligence & i would bear that in mind in future dealings with you . A very bad first impression!

I would assume that she’s having fertility treatment

I’ll tell me DH to keep working then, despite it being what neither of us want so he’s not “dependent on some bloke” (not that I’d identify as a bloke…).

And I hope you enjoy working until you die, because god forbid you become a lazy retiree. In the meantime, DH will thoroughly enjoy being lazy and economically inactive because we have the money to allow us to do that, as will I if my plans to retire in my 50s pans out.

The only thing I don’t understand is why you were “stumped”. Don’t you know how social interactions work?