To want the pointless exchange of presents to stop

So now that we have kids it's all about them and we have started doing secret Santa with the grown ups! Io my side it's between siblings and partners with £20 budget. On DH side his parents and sibling and partner do it with a budget of £40.

We all really enjoy it! We use a website called draw names and you can add a wish list on there, so we all know that we're going to get a gift that we actually want and we are buying something that we know that actually want too! We put mix of things on the wish list usually so there's still an element of surprise with what you're getting.

Solidarity, Op...I have the same situation with DH's enormous family. We're the only ones who aren't wealthy. We've suggested that we stop adult presents, and were informed by the matriarchal sister that wouldn't be happening, which really annoyed me. Even though we limit how much we spend (they all spend way more than we do) it still adds up to a lot because there so many of them (and they've bred like rabbits, so tons of kids to buy for too).

Glad it's not just me!

I have stopped buying Christmas presents for family and friends and told them to do the same. Fed up of exchanging things we will never use. Drives me nuts every year. Some family comply with this, others don’t. However I am standing firm and not engaging in the tat exchange. I hate this aspect of Christmas and it is so unnecessary.

Yes, exactly that. It's so much less stress.

DH might want to keep buying for our own DC once they reach 18. I don't really mind if he does but they will never have the expectation, stress and hassle of buying for us. Which vastly improves my life and hopefully theirs too

tbh i tend to buy my dsis home made jam or something

so no presents once the kids have grown up, or before you even have kids?
i would not like that
but i dont have a huge family

They sound like lovely presents and you enjoy buying so it's not onerous for you. Would you mind if the other person (who perhaps finds present buying stressful) didn't buy anything for you? If not, then it should suit you both and be the perfect solution - you buy for her and she doesn't buy for you - but I can't imagine how anyone would think that was fair!

We've not done adult presents on my side for years and it's brilliant. SIL tried to bring them back a few years ago but we squashed it.

On DH's side they used to go crazy. First Christmas there was the first time I'd known adults have stockings and it was excruciating. I had 30 separate things to unwrap. They've gradually dialled it right down and this was SIL on that side has suggested stopping. Hurrah.

So I am team presents. But not over the top expensive
I love choosing and giving presents. Certainly avoiding tat wherever possible but, for example,theatre tickets, restaurant vouchers and all sorts of charity donations- this year from adopting a toilet in Sudan to getting a rose planted in a National Trust property- are fun for me to seek out, and hopefully not to onerous to receive.

You don't need presents in order to enjoy yourself.

We’ve done this for years. It’s liberating! Only the kids get presents. Too much stuff. ‘Stuffification’. It’s about being together. I do provide a little game for everyone after dinner where we trade/steal a few silly gifts which is fun. I provide those gifts.

I've gradually whittled my present exchanging over the years and now it's manageable. I buy presents for my adult DC as I don't have grandchildren. If grandchildren appear, I'll buy for them instead. I buy for my best friend and one very close relative. My DP doesn't 'do' Christmas at all so we don't swap presents then, but he gives me thoughtful gifts any time he sees something I need or would like. One year, I had a really tough time and suggested to one friend that we skipped exchanging presents and just sent cards. She emailed me and ended the friendship.

Can’t you specify what you want for that budget? Wouldn’t you then end up with something you actually want ?

We need this thread every September to remind a few more people to send the opting out message. Too late now. The Boots 3 for 2 sets of Bayliss and Harding are on the shelves. The Best Dad socks. The Velvetiser gift packs. The giant eyeshadow palettes.

Opted out many years ago and yes I’m smug about it.

£150 secret Santa?! How does that resolve anything?! Instead of £10 of shit I’ve got £150 of shit!

W haven’t bought presents for years. Not even me and DH. It’s utter bliss.

I only buy for dh and adult dd . No one else. It is so liberating

Same! Ours includes lists that people put together with ideas of things they actually want instead of buying last minute tat

But has the tradition, which personally sounds lovely, been given permission off MN otherwise it has to stop!

There's a tradition round here of farm hands getting a cheese and a fruitcake. I give my mum a pot of stilton from the dairy, she gives me one of her (lush) fruit cakes.

Apart from parents the only people we bought gifts for were my SIL and BIL. This year we’ve decided to stop and go for a posh lunch with champagne in January instead. Much more fun!

Just tell them you're not buying presents this year.

"Don't buy me anything, buy yourself something with the money you were going to spend on me"

It is the full on emotional meltdowns and tantrums over presents in fully grown adults I will never get, some adults have never matured past 12

YANBU.

The gift giving in my family was completely out of control, and we decided to stop exchanging gifts for the adults a few years ago. We now do a Secret Santa with a £150 limit. It works really well.

It’s one time one of year everyone makes an effort for each other. Choose to enjoy it or bow out and be the grinch.