To want the pointless exchange of presents to stop

YANBU. It actually upsets me walking round shops in November and December seeing all the packaged shite that’s just going to end up in landfill.

I exchange very few gifts, which suits me fine. I tend to restrict token gifts to consumables like biscuits.

My siblings and I stopped buying presents once we got married and stopped for the children once they reach about 10. It makes like so much easier and frees up brain space!

Why wait for Christmas? If I see something I know someone needs or would love, I might buy it for them anyway. Having to come up with an idea just because it's Christmas takes most of the fun out of it for me. The emphasis on ever bigger, shinier, more expensive stuff is really just pressure from companies who know they can make loads of money and don't care about landfill.

Yeah but the "buying random crap because you're in a rush and you have to get something" is the reality of 90% of Christmas gift-giving. Especially if you have loads of adults to buy for (who buy for you so you have to buy something in return). I struggle to even think what I would like for Christmas, so how is another adult who only sees me once or twice a month supposed to know better than me? And a lot of people who pride themselves on being "really good at gift giving" are actually not as good as they think... I've found they often just enjoy shopping, and need an excuse to buy things and palm the resulting tat off on someone else.

We make a list and buy exactly what family have asked for. It’s usually around £10 each. More for the kids. Easy. Don’t do extended family and friends really unless they are visiting around that time. No stress. Everyone gets what they want.

But putting original thought into what a person enjoys and giving them something based on that is a lovely thing, it carries meaning, and what it was always meant to be about.
I can't think of things for myself I would want let alone for someone else. Why would I want to give someone else the job of having to come up with an idea for me when I don't want anything? In-laws this year have already said they can't think of anything they want either.

If none of us can think of anything we want then there's no chance of us being able to do that thinking for each other. And just saying "phew, let's knock that on the head then" so everyone can just relax and enjoy the time is the best gift there is.

We also do this between the adults in the family since my children grew up - so much more enjoyable & low stress

With the in-laws, we started doing a "secret Santa" thing (except it's not secret...) so each adult has one other adult to buy for instead of everyone buying and receiving 7 different presents... it works really well (except that some years they don't do it! Grrrr!!)

"If you want something you can go and buy it yourself" is such a callous reaction to Christmas gifting.

Gifts aren't really supposed to be about the stuff. It's about the thought that has gone into that person and specifically thinking of something they might enjoy and spending time and effort on it.

Buying random crap from a list for someone who could buy it themselves takes away meaning, of course.

But putting original thought into what a person enjoys and giving them something based on that is a lovely thing, it carries meaning, and what it was always meant to be about.

Ugh I HATE it!!! When I was a child my parents didn't get any presents, just maybe the odd token bottle of bubble bath from their own parents and whatever we'd made them at school, so I was fully expecting the gifts to stop when I grew up, but they didn't. Then I expected them to stop when I had children of my own... but they haven't! I have agreed "no adult gifts" with one or two people, but for others it continues.

I can barely think of something I want or need, how the hell am I supposed to guess what another adult might like?? Also, when I do think of something they might like, I can never find it in the shops. And especially when they earn way more than us...

Wouldn't it be so much better if instead of buying presents, we all just set aside what we would have spent on gifts for adults, and instead spent it on treats for ourselves (the sort of things you wouldn't normally buy because it feels frivolous or selfish). That's my dream... then I'd actually get stuff I want at Christmas instead of the usual tat.

Just have the conversation, I've found most people are delighted to not have to bother exchanging gifts!

Can you get them
to agree to do a secret Santa for the adults of family, so each adult buys for one other adult and also receives from one adult. Draw names.co.uk is excellent for organising this and is anonymous. My family stopped pressie exchange years ago as, being one of 7, there were far too many of us in addition to the children. If they don’t agree, be hardline and say that you are not buying adults presents, maybe except for parents, or have a really low limit , like 10 or £20 max.

DH and I are childless. We buy for each other - not tat - clothes, books, something the other has specifically asked for. No one else buys for us,we don’t buy for other adults. I buy for my DN.

We stopped it years ago with my in laws. We first moved the secret Santa and then abandoned and just do the kids. Really hate Xmas time honestly for just pointless gift giving

Whatss wrong with Baybliss and Harding?
Ps secret santa's the way forward..

Agree completely. My side of the family do secret Santa for 20 quid which is fine. DH has pitched this to his family and they won’t have it. MIL can’t resist telling you what she has bought beforehand and then sends us links to what she would like. She has expensive taste! We always find a cheap alternative.

My first thought when I unwrap a gift is either ‘oh good I can eat/drink it’ or ‘where tf will I put this?’

My SIL asked last year that we all just buy for nieces and nephews and it made my Christmas so much easier. It was a financial decision for her but for me, the stress reduction is much appreciated!

I dont think the exchange of gifts is always pointless.

Obviously in some cases it is - for example when its purely transactional, or becomes a pissing contest or way to passive-aggressively offend or insult someone, or if theres patently been no attempt to get something the other person would like or appreciate. But in most cases in my personal experience (even the dreaded anonymous office Secret Santa!) its a fun and joyous thing that gives a little happiness and spreads cheer. In my personal case, our family is greatly diminished, my dads a widower, my sisters single. The small gifts we exchange may be the only ones we get. Its a happy and fun occasion to exchange gifts and part of our Christmas tradition.

Just use your common sense. Dont like the wine and know you'll be getting it? Speak up now and say what you DO want. Tried suggestin the gift exchange stops but no one else is keen? Accept youre the odd one out here and take part with good grace within what you can afford. No need to make a song and dance about it.

Same for card sending, just why do we still do this. I’m now down to ten cards but I still begrudge it!

I completely agree with you. My DP’s family have two sets of presents as well one for Christmas and one for Boxing Day for all 4 adults (children in their 30s/40s and parents) and every year it’s the same stuff you don’t really need. We spend every Christmas with them at theirs so have to do what they are used to. I suggested a charity donation one year instead of presents one year and got instantly dismissed.

Totally with you OP. DH and I have stopped presents for each other at Christmas and anniversary and instead we do something. We are going to a gig this year.

My family, parents/siblings will spend time together but we don’t exchange gifts anymore and it’s always a lovely day. We just buy for the kids but even then don’t go to overboard so we all don’t end up with tonnes of toys etc

Really want my PIL to do the same but they insist on getting us gifts and so we have the yearly what on earth do we get them scenario and although this sounds ungrateful we inevitably get things that we will never use or are not to our taste so it does feel a waste of money overall and actually a bit stressful thinking of what to buy

We just want Christmas to be relaxed and would rather spend the money on nice food/drinks and spend time with each other.

Spoiling someone doesn't have to involve buying them presents.

I agree on presents for adults. My book group has a ring leader (isn't there always a ring leader?' and she is pretty well off and started a thing where we all apparently buy gifts for each other with a £30 spend. So that's £300 a year I can't afford. Everyone else tries to scale it back- one year we had a secret santa and she sulked because apparently just one gift each wasn't Christmassy enough.

There are a few of who grumble. This year we shouted hard on COL etc. and now the plan is small 'joke' gifts no more than a fiver. In other words - tat that id destined for landfill. It's a step in the right direction for my finances, but still utterly pointless.

Let them if it makes them happy.

You say that but its you that ends up with all this tat you dont want. Feeling bad about not getting them anything so you end up buying them stuff to. If everyone just kept their own money they could spend it on stuff they need or want for themselves. Last year when money was alot more tight for us we ended having to buy my sisters and their partners gifts. We were given endless tat, if my sister had just listened or even just asked me what I wanted I would have said a 12 .99 you tube subscription for a month to listen to my music ad free. But no instead I had to have the same creams and body creams that I don't use that she gets me every year , its silly and actually its a complete disregard for what the other person is saying to you.

Ooh it's a nice scarf! But I already had a nice scarf and now I'm burdened with disposing of one of them. Items are a burden
Exactly this. I hate having more than one of most things. Having more than one bag or scarf or any of those things would just annoy me.