To want the pointless exchange of presents to stop

Yanbu - we knocked it on the head when we got a list from sil which included gift requests from the new partner of our niece, who we’d met once. He was 25.
they split up about 3 months later (unrelated)

it is lovely this year to have a simplified task list

So you're just getting a bunch of garbage quality tat that's going to end up in a landfill because Xmas is just a useless holiday that celebrates excessive consumerism? Got it.

that has given me an idea

i was thinking of a plant anyway after the criticism earlier

I loved it, but getting it in the car was a trauma, I’d rather have had the bulbs sent to me! Took 3 of us.

Another time, he gave us wine glasses that fit an entire bottle. I mean, I get that you need to let wine breathe but that was bonkers!

oh I think that’s a lovely gift! I’d be so thrilled if someone gave me that for Christmas!

I really like this. My bil used to buy crazy things-one year it was a 3ft high plant pot full of soil and spring bulbs, which he left at my pil’s house 3 hours away and we then had to haul back home in the boot, it was mad.

I might be an outlier but I enjoy buying and exchanging presents. I like that someone has thought about what I might like and made the effort to buy me something (whatever it is) and I like choosing , buying and wrapping presents.

We just have a secret Santa for the adults and buy for grandchildren, so much less stress and waste.

We’ve moved to Secret Santa- it’s wonderful!

Yes - apart from the mouldy mince pies!

I buy vouchers for adventure activities, ticketmaster gift cards, gift cards for the adults in my family. Kids get presents.

@AgeingDoc did you just donate the gifts?

Yanbu. We only buy for kids in our family. And my teens only want money which is easy.

I listen to colleagues talking about christmas shopping for parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc and it blows my mind.

A few years ago I found the bag containing all the gifts that DH, our adult kids and I had received from his extended family hanging under a pile of coats in the porch in October. I'd obviously hung it up when we'd got back from visiting them and over the course of the year more and more things had been hung over it. None of the gifts had been used and obviously nobody had missed them. I felt a bit guilty that people had spent money on us and we'd not even taken the gifts out of the bag but it gave me the final push to say "let's just stop this". It caused a bit of a furore in some quarters but eventually everyone agreed. There are still a few young children in the family and I buy something for them, but otherwise, no. We still have an enjoyable get together, in fact I'd go so far as to say it is better without the ritual exchange of pointless gifts that everyone has to pretend to enjoy. It's better for everyone's finances, better for the environment and reduces hassle so was worth the small amount of indignation I provoked by saying I wasn't playing any more!

I completely agree. its absolutely ridiculous

BUT I do think there is a flaw in the no adult presents - I dont think it is good for children! They should be learning to give as well - not just get!

My daughter really loves choosing presents and I just try to encourage the whole idea that it's not about what you spend but putting some thought into picking something nice, buying it in an independent local shop not at amazon - so at least some good can come of it!

the absolute worst is tat from amazon

If you are going to buy, be supportive of your local shops

Start giving a nice card with a custom printed "certificate" inside telling the recipient that their gift is £100 has been donated to the local animal shelter (or other good cause....bonus points if it's a cause that's dear to recipients' heart) and keep doing this.
Eventually they'll get the message that you're not going to give them any more STUFF and they'll stop too. In the meanwhile, the "shopping" is easy (donation) and all the wasted money goes to a good cause!!

We have stopped it. One sibling is struggling financially so for Christmas we have clubbed together to buy a desperately needed household appliance. Nobody else is doing presents.

For years and years, I have wondered why people flock to the shops to buy shit nobody wants or needs at Christmas.

I'm the ultimate Christmas Grinch. Mutual decision re no gifts for siblings/their OHs. All delighted. I have no kids and am single so only for Niblings now, there are just 5 of them and it's a Revolut transfer. Friends the same, all relieved and delighted. Us two at home don't buy gifts for each other, either for Birthdays or Christmas (don't need gifts, have all I need tks) but we do go away instead and spend that way.

Do I win the prize? 😊

Me and dh have both stopped exchanging gifts with our siblings and BILs/SILs and all just buy for each other's children instead. We still all exchange gifts with our parents though which is a nice balance.
(Probably wouldn't make much of a difference if you just have one or two siblings but we both are from big families.)

That’s what you think.

i dont buy pointless gifts

I couldn't agree more OP. My family agreed godchildren only, because there were 7 kids in the family and it was too much on everyone, particularly sibling who doesn't have kids. But ILs said no way, and continued to buy for all my kids. This lead to a situation where DD and DS get equal presents from SIL but DS only gets a present from my DSis, leaving DD out. Which became awkward as they are twins and also annoyed me because I had to deal with it constantly.

DHs family send out a wishlist every year which is a lovely idea and is usually is suggestions like gloves, a book etc but there might have one specific item that has a link. Each year without fail one of DHs siblings will claim whatever item has a link attached, usually within about 5 mins of the message being sent. Never ever have they put thought into anything. We are all relatively well off and need very little so the cost is of little relevance and the thought is much more important.

I also have a trio of friends where they started buying presents for my DC (I was first to have children) and it's still going on. I've asked many times that we leave it but they still insist and a pointless exchange of vouchers goes on. When I suggested we don't reciprocate DH was annoyed. We are in a better position financially and he feels it would look tight to not return the favour. The truth is because we have enough money we can't say it's too expensive because it will be considered stingy. My family and some friends don't distinguish between frugal and mean, one family member could suggest incredibly expensive wine for example and if i say its expensive I will be told that I have plenty money and they don't see the problem.

I didn't vote because I agree re. pointless stuff but wouldn't want to stop altogether.

We do still have things we want or need, and in our family we limit it to the core people (i.e. parents and children) and cap the spend per person at £50.

Each person makes a list of what they want/need, usually about 25 things, then we pick something from the list buy them. Nobody gets any more than 4 or 5 things, but they don't know which of the 25 items they'll get so there is still an element of surprise, and at least you know it's something they actually want and will get used.

The joy on my adult son's face when he opened a long-sought-after gift one year, thinking he was never going to find one, made it such a pleasure to find, and to give!

We still manage to make Christmas a happy time for giving, to everyone.

Your first sentence doesn’t make any sense. My SIL thought it was a bad idea. Anyway, we weren’t being grabby. It was up to her whether or not she bought for her nieces and nephews. No expectations from me other than adults stopping buying each other a load of old junk. If she had said that meant she wasn’t going to buy for the children anymore, fair enough. I just couldn’t be arsed with a grown adult pulling a sad face because she wouldn’t be receiving a bath bomb and some slipper socks. Most aunties and uncles buy for their nieces and nephews without any expectations of something in return. I did it before I had any children myself. Grabby little gits.

I have also never understood why we ask what people want before buying the gift…. surely giving a gift should be a surprise ?? otherwise why bother wrapping it !!
it’s totally pointless to spend an exact amount of money on someone to receive the same in return knowing full well what they have bought 🤷‍♀️ just buy yourself it when you actually need/want it … gifts at christmas is for kids … christmas should be about getting together with family and friends and having fun… the whole point is for ‘santa’ to give gifts which us adults know full well doesn’t exist