What does the baby want for Christmas? Can you just order that for me?

It annoys me aswell, and it doesn't stop. Eldest is 9, so it's been every Christmas and birthday for close to a decade. I have to be the one to think, order, be in for delivery & wrap, every gift anyone in my family receives on top of all the gifts that we give out.

Just politely say you’d rather everyone orders themselves you don’t have the time or the money right now
Otherwise call her bluff and suggest money for a savings account easier all around ….she can give it to DH in two weeks and you can put it away for your DC ! (Or buy yourself a bottle of fizz sounds like you deserve it !)

Teens are a foreign country; they do things differently there.

But if we're talking about gift giving for young children, I would like my extended family to take a proper interest in them as individuals all year round. Get to know them as a person, and have an idea about what they might like.

It will only happen if you let it. My mum does this, what do you want granddaughter or worse suggests something - your mum will have to get it for you. I think thats worse in some ways - so do you want a Pandora bracelet for Christmas, ooh yes and then in front of her basically says well I can’t be arsed to actually get it and wrap it.

For my mum, she seems to think that the asking is the thing and you don’t really have to buy it. She was most put out the other year when I did get the thing but then turned up at her house handed it over for her to wrap.

My MIL is the same. She refuses to use Amazon which is always an issue because a lot of the things DC ask for are easiest bought from Amazon. She wants things she can buy in a physical shop which just isn’t the way of the world now. Examples have been T-shirts for teenage DS only available online, body sprays for DD only easily available online (she’d have to drive out to Manchester to get them in person).

She isn’t elderly either and has a smartphone. I don’t really understand it. It’s lazy really.

Same with my DM, drives me mental. Kids are at the age where they prefer cash now anyway but she “wants them to have something to open”…..as long as I source it, buy it, wrap it and put it under the tree 😝

Could you say to your MIL ,it would be so helpful at this busy time of year if you could deal with DC gift?
Reiterate that any of the puppets would be welcome.

I'm in my late 60s and can still work out how to use tech. It's not rocket science. It's learned incompetence on her part. I do ask my dd if there's anything specific I can buy my grandchildren and she'll give me suggestions. However I find it online, order and pay for it and do the Christmas wrapping etc. Next Christmas definitely get your dh to sort her out

She doesnt do amazon but wants you to do amazon

She's sent her a list of items, quite clearly, any single one of them would be wanted and appreciated. There is no risk whatsoever of her getting something unwanted from that list

Just google it or chat gpt it, its not that hard to buy gifts based on age and gender

This is one of my pet hates, it just becomes another thing on the list of chores. Whats wrong with buying a gift irl, wrapping it and sending it

Are you the mil

There are times when you buying etc would be more practical - e.g. my Nan used to send money rather than post Easter eggs - but this is not one of them. She's in her 60s, you've given her a long list of ideas, it doesn't have to be this exact thing. She should go to a shop and pick something. And wrap it. That is part of the job of giving a gift.

I wish my MIL would do this! She never asks us what we’d like / find useful and spends the year buying “stuff” so we get a huge pile of presents and nothing is what we actually want / use. I have things here from last year still in boxes (think tiny pots of jam, cocktail making kits - all naff ingredients). Last year she gave our baby 3 copies of the same book. She doesn’t remember what she’s brought just wants everyone to have a huge pile. It’s sweet I guess but we have a tiny house and just don’t have the space. My partner won’t let me throw her gifts or re-home them.

id much sooner just buy the kids / us something from her and get the cash!

"Hi MIL,
If its too much trouble to buy a gift for DS dont worry about it... he's so young he wont notice. You can give DH the cash equivalent and we will put it in his junior ISA / SIPP"

Several of my relatives are the same, it’s very annoying.

I used to order online and wrap on behalf of my 95-year-old grandmother, she was the only one who got a pass. Everyone else I would just try to keep politely pushing back or sending them to DH if the relative was on his side of the family.

My kids are a bit older now (primary school) so if anyone doesn’t want to buy online and wrap a gift in advance I either suggest they get a gift voucher or that they take the kids to a physical shop to buy something.

My mum does this to me every year. And even goes so far as to get annoyed when I can’t think of anything she can buy for people. It adds to my load massively. She won’t accept it if I just tell her to send the money or a gift card either (which is all the teens want anyway). Lord it drives me wild. She is perfectly capable of using the internet too so it’s not even that.

Yes I completely understand that but I was referring more to other posters who would be unhappy if they just got money or given something that they didn’t want etc.

I was just pointing out that it’s genuinely hard to know what to buy people sometimes and you don’t want to get it wrong and buy them something that they don’t want.

Yours is a perfect example - if you don’t know and you live with them, how can other people know.

I wasn’t being rude to you, sorry if it came across that way.

Because I genuinely don’t know! I normally give them ideas, but this year I’m stumped. I don’t even know what to give them myself. It was an honest response, not a trick.

OP try not to make this a bigger deal than it needs to be, I’ve been doing this with my MIL since they were born. Very much works in our favour now they’re older and want ‘bigger ticket’ gifts as she’ll then just ask if she can contribute £x amount towards it and sends it straight over. Once or twice if the item is heavy (they once asked for a big book set) I’ll also get it ordered to my house and wrap it. At the end of the day I’m doing all my wrapping anyway and the boys get the exact thing they want.

I do sometimes wonder does she not enjoy the whole process of shopping for them, wrapping their gift etc but I think she much prefers knowing her money has been spent on something that is actually going to be used and enjoyed.

It's normal! I have ended up buying all the presents for my kids, and myself actually, wrapping then etc and just getting grandparents to send me the money.

It's actually better in the long run, as the type and quality of presents was increasingly bizarre and wasteful.

Your MIL sounds extremely lazy and self-indulgent.

Just stop doing things for her. “I’m sorry, I’m at peak mental load right now. You’ll need to sort that yourself. Thanks.” “

Or “that’s ok MIL, if it stresses you out, don’t bother. DS gets so many gifts; he won’t notice there isn’t one from you. I don’t have time to do everyone’s shopping and wrapping. “

She’s in her 60s, not 100!

She was in her 30s when internet shopping and Amazon arrived on the scene, in her 40s during the dotcom boom.

Age is irrelevant in this scenario.

I’m with you OP I hate it. DM and MIL both did this - except both do use Amazon and I’d send a list as requested and they still wanted me to do it all. Final straw was being asked to wrap stuff as well. When asked what does X want for Christmas/birthday I now say “a surprise” or “ask them yourself”. My DC are young adults who both grandparents are in touch with regularly on WhatsApp - it’s ridiculous. My mum sad faces every Christmas that I won’t do it all for her as “I’m so much better at presents than she is”. Yeah I work full time have to think of presents for everyone from me and then do the same for DM and MIL - and then host them all - fuck that.